Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML
Today my mother, who was once shocked to realise that my older sister was having unmarried sex, told me to go and 'get some' because it's good for my health. I'm asexual. FML
Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
Today, after my husband told me he doesn't enjoy having sex unless he initiates it, my mother-in-law barged into my bedroom only to find me pleasing myself. FML
Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
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Top comments
katt_is_here 24
Sounds like damn good advice to me!
xStaciexLynnx 15
We have videos of my mom on Ambien. People do some pretty odd stuff...
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Comments (38)
cupcakechick 17
you should take ur mom to the doctors
xStaciexLynnx 15
It's a sleeping pill. She'll fall asleep and it'll wear off. There's not much a doctor can do.
cupcakechick 17
she can overdose
JustOhSoLovely 6
She already overdosed. Now it needs to wear off.
Kidkaplan 19
She may need a lower doseage
AssTard 15
You don't say?!
MissMae93 23
Actually - she took a double dosage, as in she took twice the amount prescribed.
TheAbstract 15
So technically, she would need a lower dosage, at least in that moment. Not trying to be a smartass here. Just being technical.
kwyk 23
Technically, you were being a smartass.
nigsuzzi 3
Always better than being a dumbass!
TheAbstract 15
Thank you!
katt_is_here 24
Technically, you were just wrong and should admit it. Technically.
Cbizzlez 10
She sounds like a fun person to party with.
howdeedoo 22
Really? Cause it seems like she'd fall asleep pretty quickly
MrBurnard 7
Yes.. but only if you behave apparently
KiddNYC1O 22
She sounds like a terrible politician.
t_Wag13 7
Why did she take twice as much?
xStaciexLynnx 15
People can't fall asleep so they take extra, thinking it will help.
Ray_of_midnight 23
Possibly she forgot she had taken the first dose? I've heard of people doing some awfully weird stuff on Ambien. I don't know if short term memory loss is on the list of symptoms but who knows.
Fsvb 32
Yes, it is on the list of symptoms.
xStaciexLynnx 15
We have videos of my mom on Ambien. People do some pretty odd stuff...
TrueTriage 16
YouTube Money! Just sitting in your house! Go Viral with that stuff!
xStaciexLynnx 15
Indeed. She threatened to kill me if it shows up on YouTube though. haha.
chanellgymnast 17
She be thirsty.
BjgUsername 12
She is* be can't be used there because....you know what **** it
Attica 20
katt_is_here 24
Sounds like damn good advice to me!
fksfsdhfsdfh 26
When i saw "relationship with oneself" i laughed so hard!
friedpwnadge 25
My left hand begs to differ.
RedPillSucks 33
Because your right hand is a dominatrix??? *Beg! hand. Beg for your ******!
420Zombie 17
I don't think zoidbergs hand/claw would be anything but painful in this situation
RedPillSucks 33
Hence the begging...
jgriff79 23
Your mom was trying to teach you her secrets.