Today I got a few things that I never got for Christmas before:... - FML

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Anonymous - 25/12/2020 12:17 - Germany - Neusalza-spremberg

Today I got a few things that I never got for Christmas before: My period, including cramps, a headache, a depression, severe loneliness, and the necessity to clean a very dirty house which was left this way by others. Other than that, I didn’t get anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25

You deserved it

2

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Cute trick, asshole

Does this smell weird?

By Lokimagnus - 25/3/2020 23:05

Rookie mistake

Today, I was working from home. I felt very sleepy, so I set my online status “Active” and went back to bed. I woke up to 3 missed calls from my boss and an email from him, containing a webcam screenshot of me asleep in bed. I totally forgot he has remote access to my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

693

You deserved it

2744

Tweet

Share

By send the army please - United States - Elizabeth

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, because her military father, who doesn't like me, continuously threatened my safety for dating her. Now he's threatening to kill me for dumping her. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15201

You deserved it

1518

Tweet

Share

By Aryah - United States - Irving

Today, I found out why the temps were not invited to the company Christmas party. The company paid for the regular employees to go to a nice restaurant, gave them nice presents, and handed out substantial bonuses. They keep telling me they can't hire me on because the company can't afford it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7217

You deserved it

787

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/8/2020 14:00

Let it mellow

Today, my 5-year-old got carsick and lost his breakfast all over himself and the back seat. When I got home to clean him off and clean out the car, I discovered that construction workers hit a main water line while working on road expansion at the front of my neighborhood. We won’t have running water until 4 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1477

You deserved it

93

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Decatur

Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63550

You deserved it

15830

Tweet

Share

By Ennui - United States

Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27042

You deserved it

10108

Tweet

Share

By MC - Canada

Today, I was so drunk that I gave my mom's number instead of mine to the really cute guy I met at the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11479

You deserved it

39485

Tweet

Share

By Fartini

Today, I discovered that alcohol makes me red-faced, extremely gassy and eager to discuss my virginity with everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11173

You deserved it

2368

Tweet

Share

By nerd - Singapore

Today, I was on cloud nine when the beautiful waitress I frequently ordered takeaways from told me she didn't need to take my name as she remembers me from before. When I got my food I saw the sales slip. On it she had written, "Cheeseburger - Fries - Coke - nerdy guy with bad haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36294

You deserved it

5710

Tweet

Share

By cargaljen - United States - Olathe

Today, a nice couple came in to buy a car. I offered to drive it out from the line of cars for them, since it was a tight squeeze. They then watched as I managed to back it straight into another car, causing a large amount of damage to both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38843

You deserved it

22012

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34484

You deserved it

36011

Tweet

Share

By Gabriela

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35672

You deserved it

5856

Tweet

Share

By frankrizzo - Canada

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41932

You deserved it

8947

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/12/2020 19:58

Tetchy

Today, my partner got mad at me for forgetting to turn off the bedroom light when coming back from brushing my teeth, and has chosen to sleep in our spare bedroom over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

730

You deserved it

177

Tweet

Share

By Raptorcake - Australia - Calwell

Today, it's my birthday and I celebrated with friends. I now have 34 individual copies of the first Twilight movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13708

You deserved it

1854

Tweet

Share

By DeathbyWording - United States - Vernon

Today, my doctor said I "might" have an enlarged heart and an irregular heartbeat. It "could" be seriously life-threatening and I "should" go to a specialist for further tests. My insurance refuses to cover my consultation with the specialist because the doctor's wording is too uncertain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16323

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1265

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to Britney's concert. About halfway through the show, the person next to me turns to me and asks, "Can you do me a favour?" Thinking that she wanted me to look after her stuff, I said sure. Her next sentence was: "Can you stop singing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35029

You deserved it

44038

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17227

You deserved it

36757

Tweet

Share

By harrysolo - United States

Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31506

You deserved it

65105

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Frome

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

I agree, your life sucks

22545

You deserved it

44827

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Brazil

Today, my boyfriend refused to take me out on our three year anniversary because he was busy, "training to become a professional gamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37693

You deserved it

8624

Tweet

Share

By unlucky - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I went to a party. After asking several people about the ingredients in a cake, I took one bite and ended up in the hospital with a severe reaction to the nuts that "definitely weren't" in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11378

You deserved it

904

Tweet

Share

By nilssonfan - United States

Today, I bought one of my favorite albums from when I was growing up. When I looked at the liner notes, I learned that my favorite song on the album wasn't about taking a bath, but about going to a brothel. My second-favorite isn't about moving, but about suicide. My childhood just shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27709

You deserved it

5883

Tweet

Share

By moodyreallyrocks - United States

Today, my friend took me and a bunch of other guys out to a nice dinner. This was his way to say thank you for helping him move to a new apartment. He got the cheque, excused himself to go to the restroom and never came back to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33138

You deserved it

2864

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my dad why it is important for him to clear the browsing history after watching sexual explicit material on the family computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33001

You deserved it

4045

Tweet

Share

By isuckatlife - United States

Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55810

You deserved it

5849

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45632

You deserved it

4643

Tweet

Share

By akiza - Japan

Today, I had awful morning sickness, and I asked my husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36397

You deserved it

2893

Tweet

Share

By tbalboa - United States

Today, a cop pulled me over and started bitching me out. He was certain I'd been drinking, because, "Nobody goes to Albertacos this late at night unless they're drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31668

You deserved it

3259

Tweet

Share

By A continent away - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, the security at the airport were nice enough to remind me to take the laptop out of my bag. I wish they'd also reminded me to put it back in before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41904

You deserved it

13698

Tweet

Share

By iJuli - United States - Billings

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be a good idea to break up with me in his car. I had to walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29277

You deserved it

2658

Tweet

Share

By CouldBeALoser - United States - West Tehama County

Today, I ordered flowers to be delivered to my workplace on Tuesday. To myself. For my birthday. Because even though birthdays are posted in the monthly newsletter, mine gets left out every year. For the past four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12838

You deserved it

1062

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Westwood

Today, as I was getting x-rays of my arm, I heard one technician ask another, "Are you sure those are hers?" At 17, I have weaker bones than my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12883

You deserved it

1073

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, at the office, my most annoying client asked me to send her a document. I have now sent it to her over 5 times, in a different format each time, and every single time she replies with, "Not in the requested format". She won't tell me what the requested format is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52228

You deserved it

4383

Tweet

Share

By frustrated! - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me a freak for wanting to have sex for a second night in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53758

You deserved it

6088

Tweet

Share

By onething - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83603

You deserved it

17851

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Sweden - ?kersberga

Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47839

You deserved it

8188

Tweet

Share

By KnowledgableEx - United States - Baltimore

Today, my ex-girlfriend from several years ago texted me. We were having a pleasant conversation until she asked me to give advice. Apparently, her current boyfriend is incapable of talking dirty, fingering, and other sexual aspects. She asked me to give him advice and pointers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12213

You deserved it

1128

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going to propose. Since he was really nervous, he decided to have a couple of drinks to loosen up. He ended up throwing up and passing out before he could get down on one knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57128

You deserved it

4866

Tweet

Share

By mintypoison - United States

Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26789

You deserved it

3459

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

No comments yet.

COMMENTS

No comments yet.