Today, I celebrated my one year anniversary with my boyfriend.... - FML

By Anonymous - 10/7/2017 21:00 - Argentina

Today, I celebrated my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. Since I'm bad at writing, I took a list from the internet titled "100 Things That I Love About You" and gave it to him to read while I read what he wrote for me. It was exactly the same thing, taken from the same page. FML

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Or he's just becoming an old goober

Weird kid

In my day…

By ihateseagulls - 7/4/2011 23:28 - United States

Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would be cute to feed a small seagull some of her food. Minutes later a flock of seagulls swarmed and attacked me and my sandwich. FML

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By TordNorski - 3/10/2015 02:44 - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, I started a new job at a family owned business. About ten minutes in to training, the mother and father started an argument that ended in each of them storming off, demanding a divorce. FML

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By Guy - 28/9/2015 18:49 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I found out I have diabetes. She thought it was an STD and I had cheated on her. So I explained what it really was and she dumped me again because she didn't want her future children to inherit my fucked up DNA. FML

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By Wick - 26/5/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket while driving to my court date for a prior speeding ticket. FML

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By WhenRumoursAreBetterThanReality - 26/6/2014 11:35 - Australia - Belconnen

Today, I got a call from a friend asking why I didn't tell him I was engaged. I'm not, but I wish I was. Rumours about my life seem to be better than the reality. FML

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By ThisIsMyLife - 15/9/2019 12:00

Flowers (Nothing But)

Today, I bought flowers with my groceries at the grocery store. After the cashier scanned them, he handed them back to me so they wouldn't get crushed in my cart. It was then that I realized he's the first man to ever hand me flowers. FML

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By HelenErutherford - 9/7/2018 01:30

Senpai Noticed

Today, my period started. It wouldn't be a big deal if it hadn't happened while I was in my karate class practicing kicks, and if the guy I have a crush on hadn't informed me of it after chuckling. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2009 09:59 - United States

Today, I was informed from a fellow employee at a bar that he finally "hit" the boss' wife. I work for my parents. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2015 20:58 - United States - Evanston

Today, at work, I was about to close a big sale, when a coworker rushed over and said there was a call for me in the office. He heavily implied my mom had died, and I rushed out. After I figured out there was no call and that my mom was fine, he'd already stolen my sale and the commission. FML

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By zaneey - 17/1/2009 18:41 - Australia

Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML

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By Deadmeat - 12/9/2017 04:29

Throw the bill at the kid. Do it.

Today, I was really excited that I'd made it the two weeks I'd borrowed my mother-in-law's new car without putting a scratch on it. I got off work to discover a customer's child throwing rocks in the parking lot. They cracked the windshield. FML

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By Meaghan - 12/2/2013 17:41 - United States - North Myrtle Beach

Today, my maid of honor, who offered to take care of my wedding dress before the D-Day, left it near her open window during heavy rain. My dress is now ruined, and she's backed out due to stress. I'm supposed to be getting married tomorrow. FML

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By Me - 20/12/2010 06:22

Today, I went horseback riding with this guy I like. I asked him to help me get on the horse. I slipped, and while trying to keep my balance, I kicked him in the face. FML

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By AgentOrion - 29/8/2014 04:16 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

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By I'maboutobarf - 31/1/2013 10:28 - Australia

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

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By Username - 27/5/2011 02:39

Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2012 01:11 - United States

Today, I had to pick my grandma up because she was drunk, at church, at 9am. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

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By Tooks - 28/7/2009 19:41 - United Kingdom

Today, everyone at work commented on how much better my new haircut looked and how I should keep styling it this way as it's such an improvement over my old style. I was late for work this morning. My new hair style was Bed hair that I didn't have time to sort out... FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2015 04:54

Today, after having my tonsils removed, I coughed so hard in my sleep that I woke up spitting blood. Turned out I'd ripped my throat. They had to put me to sleep and cauterize the damaged area. Now I'm in even worse pain than before. FML

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By RatherOCDthanNasty - 15/2/2017 04:00 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my mum told me I should see a therapist when she saw me wipe down a remote before using it. My dad has a knack for blowing his nose into his hand and wiping it on his pants, and my mum is the kind to pick up food residue from the drain and eat it - but sure, I'M the one with bad habits. FML

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By Hooty - 2/9/2015 21:52 - United States - Groveton

Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2013 15:17 - Ireland

Today, my trusty old car decided that it no longer needed its back passenger window-pane, and that in fact the window would look a lot better smashed to pieces by the roadside. FML

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By juanjohnfml - 11/8/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I bought a $300 gym membership that gives me access to the company's non-premium gyms. The non-premium gyms are all closed due to construction, because they're being turned into premium gyms. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2010 07:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML

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By kittens go meow - 15/2/2012 00:35 - United States

Today, I received a cute letter in my locker. It was in German, so I used Google translate. Apparently, someone hopes I choke on big fat cock. FML

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By youknowyoureoptimisticwhen - 8/11/2015 16:45 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I went to McDonald's. I was unaware of the Monopoly contest that they were holding. I was also unaware that you have to get 3 stickers of the same colour to claim your prize, and that it's not that easy to win a Jeep Cherokee. Taking down my Facebook post was awkward. FML

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By RainyDay - 11/4/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, My friend and I were stopped at a red light while it was pouring rain. We heard a screeching noise off in the distance and thought, "Hope someone doesn't get hit." Someone did get hit. We did. From behind. FML

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By biwhat - 8/3/2014 09:23 - Australia - Bassendean

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. He dumped me because apparently now there is "too much competition". FML

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By theflow - 15/8/2012 17:08 - Australia - Perth

Today, thanks to a new form of birth control, I've now been having my period non-stop for six weeks. FML

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By Rai - 24/3/2009 16:11 - Canada

Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have atleast combed it!" FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2017 20:00

Today, I learned that my dad invested my entire college fund into some shady internet stock, despite my dire warnings about being careful. He told me not to worry as he'd done some research, and he guaranteed everything would be fine. Two hours later that same stock dropped almost 75%. FML

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By etmerda - 12/7/2012 10:31 - United States

Today, I walked around town by myself for four hours because I was too ashamed to tell my parents that I have no friends willing to spend time with me. FML

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By tongue tied - 11/2/2013 08:57 - United States - Meadville

Today, I was talking to an attractive guy, but I was so nervous that I got tongue-tied and then blurted out, "Stupid autocorrect." FML

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By High school senior - 31/8/2017 23:15

Today, I spent the first day of my senior year in the ER because my new ear piercing got so infected that the doctors had to cut the earring out. FML

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By blindedbyOCD - 3/9/2018 01:30

Today, I accidentally poked myself in the left eye. As I sat there in pain, my 9-year-old nephew, who we think has OCD, decided to help out by poking me in the right eye. FML

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By slugitha - 16/3/2016 10:23 - United States

Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML

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By breebree-0 - 4/3/2012 19:36 - United States

Today, I sneezed while at the office. I felt snot shoot out, but I couldn't see anything on the tissue. I ignored it and went on with my day. When I went to the bathroom hours later, I noticed a huge wad of snot had dried onto the front of my shirt. No one told me about it. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2012 01:10 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML

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By Well, shit - 18/1/2016 22:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents forced me to write a thank you letter to my uncle who passed away a week after Christmas. FML

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Top comments

By tanman230 | 10

#7484815 - Monday 10 July 2017 21:06

you're perfect for each other

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7484825 - Monday 10 July 2017 21:13

Aw! I'd say you deserve it--only because you two were meant for each other. This is adorable.

COMMENTS

By tanman230 | 10

#7484815 - Monday 10 July 2017 21:06

you're perfect for each other

By tanman230 | 10

#7484816 - Monday 10 July 2017 21:06

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7484825 - Monday 10 July 2017 21:13

Aw! I'd say you deserve it--only because you two were meant for each other. This is adorable.

By moodyreallyrocks | 27

#7484828 - Monday 10 July 2017 21:16

Awesome!! Perfect couples think alike..LOL

By pjsr | 32

#7484857 - Monday 10 July 2017 21:36

Great minds - and lazy ones - think alike!

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7484874 - Monday 10 July 2017 21:46

this isn't an fml! he's just as bad at writing! you can laugh it off and tell everyone! :)

By Briarpatch | 20

#7484925 - Monday 10 July 2017 22:31

You both got caught doing the same thing, so you both thought it was a good idea. I would think you could both have a good laugh about it instead of being all "FML" about it.

By Lalala579121 | 27

#7484955 - Monday 10 July 2017 23:06

I thought FML was for complaining about how bad your SO is, not showing off how cute your relationship is.

By Madrias | 36

#7484957 - Monday 10 July 2017 23:09

Can't see how this is really an FML. Great minds think alike and all that.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7484971 - Monday 10 July 2017 23:16

Delightful! Looks like the two of you are going to produce another generation of plagiarists!