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Today, I woke up to my yard covered in snow, Christmas music playing loudly, and my noisy, obnoxious aunt and her three year old twin daughters playing and screaming. They're going to be living with us until after the winter holidays. It's only November 18th. FML

by The Christmas Grinch / 11/18/2010 at 5:33pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, my spouse asked me if I could transfer some of the passion I have for buffalo wings into our relationship. FML

Today, some asshat ran onto the road and tried and jump over my car as I drove by. He didn't make the jump. FML

by gurding / 06/21/2015 at 12:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML

by ohgodwhy / 04/20/2012 at 4:24pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML

by Oops / 07/04/2014 at 1:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I came back from vacation to find a packet on the company's stress management programs on my desk. I was sent the same packet over my vacation. I got the same packet from my boss as I left. All because I snapped at a co-worker who was throwing a tantrum over the Star Wars trailer. FML

by Darth Binks / 02/01/2015 at 1:48pm / Canada / Work

Today, while standing completely still at Walmart, I was hit by a drunk man on a Jazzy Scooter. He laughed, said it was an accident, gunned the scooter and took out two more people. FML

by skidmark / 12/08/2011 at 9:48am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML

by me / 06/08/2012 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my first driving lesson from my dad. We traded seats, I started the car and his entire lesson was, "Go." FML

by Maggie / 12/10/2011 at 11:45am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother admitted to me that she sends me up and down the stairs to get things for her because she thinks I could use the exercise. FML

by TheRunaway21 / 04/06/2015 at 4:49pm / United States / Health

Today, while working at a hospital, I told a patient to smile for the camera when taking an xray. His response was, "I have Bell's Palsy and haven't smiled in 5 years." FML

by oaksac191 / 10/26/2010 at 12:50pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

by Shelbs / 11/05/2011 at 7:35pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my sweet tooth went to a whole different level when I took a swig out of a bottle of maple syrup. FML

by TonyTalkingClock / 11/04/2014 at 7:48am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.