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Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML

by ohgodwhy / 04/20/2012 at 4:24pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out the real reason why my brother wasn't at his fiancé's Halloween party. He's been in jail for the past 3 months. When was anyone going to tell me? FML

by anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 9:27am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 12:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, my mom picked me up from school due to me being sick. Afterwards, she took a detour to the DMV, and I waited in the car. I ended up vomiting everywhere, clothes included, and had to sit in the car for three hours while the taste and smells lingered. FML

by justmyluck / 02/12/2010 at 2:34pm / United States / Health

Today, the man that I have a crush on finally touched me. This would have been great, if not for the fact that it was to roll me on my side while I was having a seizure. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2015 at 3:51am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, I taught my younger cousins a more effective way to brush their teeth. Tonight when I was getting them ready for bed I asked them why they weren't brushing their teeth like I taught them to. The littlest one replied "Daddy said if we do then we'll have ugly teeth like yours." FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2009 at 11:04pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into a car accident. I got into it because I noticed a flashy new sign on the highway that read "Being an attentive driver prevents car crashes". Thanks for the notice. FML

by RoxMySox / 12/24/2009 at 11:08pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend said that we can "maybe have sleepovers" at his house when he FINALLY moves out. He's 24, and we've been dating for 6 years. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2010 at 12:21am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I found out what it's like to get brain-freeze while recovering from a head injury. FML

by The captain / 08/21/2011 at 7:09pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, everyone in my house has a horrible stomach flu. My two toddler nephews don't understand that they need to throw up in the bathroom, so they just blow chunks everywhere. I have to clean it up, while trying not to do the same. FML

Today, my mate came over wanting me to listen to a new music cd he got. It was by some unknown band, and at the end he asked me what I thought, and I said it was ok, but the lead singer couldn't sing even if his life depended on it. Turns out my mate's the lead singer, and it was his own band. FML

by Jay / 04/10/2009 at 10:41am / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in English when I had to use the bathroom. As I was signing out, the teacher said "Don't forget the hall pass!" It was a plunger. I have to walk across my school with a plunger. FML

by d0rk_ / 09/02/2011 at 4:44pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I last that long. FML

by cigarettes / 12/11/2014 at 1:33pm / United States / Intimacy