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Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML

#8636971
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18905) - you deserved it (4695)

On 02/25/2010 at 10:18am - misc - by popeye (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I realized I forgot to write a 5000 word essay for my English class. I tried to be calm since I had until midnight to finish, and it was only 8pm. I typed for three hours straight,and finished the assignment. I read over the instruction again, and realized it only had to be 500 words. FML

#5141524
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18903) - you deserved it (51235)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I was in my drama class and I was standing behind the curtains. My friend accidentally bumped me into the bin that was hidden behind the curtain. Everyone heard me fall and they opened the curtains. My butt was stuck in it and my knees were in front of my face. No one helped. FML

#7914611
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18902) - you deserved it (2410)

On 02/05/2010 at 8:20pm - misc - by JD (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mother surprised me with a new alarm clock. It's attached to a toy car which races around my room with obnoxious sirens going at full blast until I crawl out of bed and turn it off. She says this will be a regular thing. FML

#19180349
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18901) - you deserved it (11466)

On 02/28/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by poop - United States

Today, a co-worker passed me a note with information about one of our cute, new co-workers I was interested in. Her report? Simple: "Lesbian. Try again. They're EVERYWHERE!" FML

#18895505
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18899) - you deserved it (3036)

On 01/23/2012 at 11:46pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, we had a get together for work at a restaurant I've never heard of. After spending all week trying to make a good impression on my new boss and co-workers, I showed up in a pair of shorts and a Star Wars T-Shirt. Turns out it was one of the fanciest restaurants in town. FML

#20695797
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18898) - you deserved it (47294)

On 05/30/2013 at 6:32pm - work - by Lizzie - United States (Michigan)

Today, after seeing a girl for a few weeks on and off I sent her a text to see if she wanted to go out the next saturday. Predictive text changed "go" to "in". So..."Why don't we in out on saturday?" She stopped calling me. FML

#612
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18896) - you deserved it (4113)

On 12/30/2008 at 11:53am - love - by Noname - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, at age eighteen, I finished moving out of my parents' house and into my own. The only person to even remotely give a shit was my sister, and that was only because I was taking the cat with me. FML

#20026624
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18894) - you deserved it (1894)

On 08/17/2012 at 3:55pm - misc - by CollegeBound (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I'm sick. I got the flu shot for the first time ever this year and for the first time in my life, I have the flu. FML

#2279
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18897) - you deserved it (4324)

On 01/23/2009 at 3:24am - health - by cyantist - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML

#17109395
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18888) - you deserved it (45794)

On 07/14/2011 at 4:14pm - work - by sbutler (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML

#20089229
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18886) - you deserved it (2373)

On 09/26/2012 at 5:06am - love - by Popscene (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I realized I have more in common with a cantaloupe than I do with my boyfriend. FML

#19562059
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18882) - you deserved it (4469)

On 05/02/2012 at 2:16am - love - by muddled (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked into my roommate's room to ask him a question, only to see a pitcher with over a pint of urine in it sitting on his bookcase. This is at least the fifth conversation in a year I've had with him about not peeing in containers in his room. FML

#19892824
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18881) - you deserved it (1672)

On 07/04/2012 at 10:55pm - misc - by notestojenn - United States (New Hampshire)



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