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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out that all the things I've lent to my best friend over the last few years that have never been returned were actually pawned off so she could pay her cable bill. FML

#19395452
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25263) - you deserved it (3088)

On 04/02/2012 at 2:44pm - money - by Kelly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he still has the key to our mailbox, while being at the other part of the country. Not to worry though, he sent it over. By mail. FML

#20000050
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25263) - you deserved it (1993)

On 08/03/2012 at 7:28am - misc - by Lara (woman) - Italy (Toscana)

Today, my fiancé changed his text message tone to a fart noise. He thinks it's hilarious and laughs every time he gets a text. He's 35 years old. FML

#17624611
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25261) - you deserved it (7037)

On 08/30/2011 at 9:28pm - love - by AMP4U - United States (California)

Today, while in my drama class, my character in a play has to quickly jump up out from his desk. Somehow, my shirt got caught on the desk, ripping it almost completely off in front of a live audience. FML

#13810188
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25260) - you deserved it (2929)

On 11/12/2010 at 12:41am - misc - by me - United States

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

#20059533
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25260) - you deserved it (2568)

On 09/05/2012 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

#20174027
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25260) - you deserved it (1791)

On 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm - work - by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

#267368
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25259) - you deserved it (77278)

On 03/11/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by theassman (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that when they put "Take with food" on the side of antibiotics, what they really mean is "Take with food because this stuff is gonna liquefy everything in your G.I. tract, and make you have to run out of the middle of calculus for the worst diarrhea ever." FML

#6069034
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25259) - you deserved it (9784)

On 10/30/2009 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out the only reason why a friend of mine even bothered talking to me. He thought that I'd sleep with him if he was nice enough. FML

#21437177
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25259) - you deserved it (2490)

On 07/06/2015 at 1:30am - intimacy - by I'm_Not_Interested - United States (Nevada)

Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML

#19995362
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25258) - you deserved it (1613)

On 07/31/2012 at 9:54pm - work - by kaitlyna15 - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

#6061136
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25257) - you deserved it (7326)

On 10/29/2009 at 8:33pm - misc - by BaconBreathBlonde (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

#20477055
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25257) - you deserved it (48390)

On 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by chase (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)



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