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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, the bird that has been stuck in my roof for two days, keeping me awake at night, finally flew out of the roof and into the house. As I was opening the door to send it outside, it flew straight back up into the roof. FML

#5839165
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21161) - you deserved it (2219)

On 10/15/2009 at 2:16am - animals - by birdhater (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while chatting to my mother, I tried to show her a funny website by pasting the URL into a message. After I sent the message, I realised that my browser hadn't copied the URL I wanted to send her, and that I'd actually pasted the previous URL I copied. It was porn. FML

#20957289
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21161) - you deserved it (42715)

On 11/14/2013 at 5:57am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

#9066532
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21160) - you deserved it (9146)

On 03/14/2010 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, on the way home from a night out, I crossed the main road in my town via the traffic lights. As I got to the other side, a guy turned to his two friends and 'whispered' with a look of disgust, "I would have run that one over." Thanks. FML

#8580880
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21158) - you deserved it (2317)

On 02/23/2010 at 3:05am - misc - by thetallone (woman) - United Kingdom (Blackpool)

Today, during an episode of King of Queens that my boyfriend has seen more than once, I decided I'd try to get a little frisky. I straddled him while he was on the bed and began taking my clothes of. He pushed me out of the way and said, 'don't get naked in front of the TV.' FML

#7467691
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21157) - you deserved it (3743)

On 01/21/2010 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would have been fine but I was suddenly jerked awake by the very loud sound of my own fart, followed by the stares of many strangers. FML

#8763974
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21157) - you deserved it (5302)

On 03/02/2010 at 12:05am - misc - by sleeper - Sent from mobile version

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He gave me a cupcake. FML

#19235270
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21157) - you deserved it (3322)

On 03/07/2012 at 8:08pm - work - by Janitor (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. When I got home from work, I came home to glitter. EVERYWHERE. Guess who forgot to get the key to his apartment back from his ex-girlfriend. The guy who's having his family over for dinner tonight. FML

#13064737
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21156) - you deserved it (11687)

On 09/15/2010 at 7:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that it doesn't matter how good you've screwed a satellite dish onto the side of your house, it won't stop the wind the ripping it off and taking half the wall with it. FML

#19143991
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21156) - you deserved it (2633)

On 02/23/2012 at 2:03am - misc - by Blueshock08 - United States (Florida)

Today, I got into a car accident. While getting my things out of the car to bring into the tow truck, I noticed the handcuffs from my Halloween costume were still in the trunk. The tow truck driver noticed before I did, because he smiled, winked, and asked if I needed any more help. FML

#13665915
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21154) - you deserved it (4730)

On 10/31/2010 at 5:27pm - intimacy - by jo1429 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after spending hours wrapping the presents for Christmas, I came back into the room to find that my dog had lost his toy, knocked over all the presents, and was frantically ripping at everything to find it. FML

#18545148
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21154) - you deserved it (2990)

On 12/18/2011 at 2:31pm - animals - by dogh8er (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML

#19334312
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21155) - you deserved it (2924)

On 03/23/2012 at 7:10pm - health - by Zak (man) - United States

Today, I went to my first party, hoping to maybe meet some people. I was there for 4 hours, and the person/thing that I interacted most with was a cat. FML

#19009363
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21151) - you deserved it (6324)

On 02/06/2012 at 10:32am - misc - by haileypaige123 (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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