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Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML

#20161557
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20260) - you deserved it (2009)

On 11/13/2012 at 5:00am - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I got into a fight with my girlfriend. After yelling and arguing my point, my cat got up and jumped up next to her on the bed. He sat down, and they both glared at me until I left. FML

#20189474
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20260) - you deserved it (3669)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:02pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML

#19350917
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20258) - you deserved it (3010)

On 03/26/2012 at 12:15pm - misc - by Shantwozzlah (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, as I was working at my babysitting job, I was watching a 3.5 year old girl. She begged and begged me to come in the jacuzzi with her, and when I put on my 2-piece bathing suit on, the young girl asked me why my stomach looked like a bagel. I looked down just to realize she was right. FML

#7925151
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20256) - you deserved it (4976)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:28am - misc - by Karie-Rose (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was making love to my girlfriend and was pretty impressed with myself for lasting through multiple songs. Then I realized her ipod was playing a medley. I only lasted 3 1/2 minutes. FML

#4954327
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20256) - you deserved it (9360)

On 08/31/2009 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by sadinthesack (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML

#19352692
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20255) - you deserved it (3430)

On 03/26/2012 at 6:21pm - health - by Mandy - United States

Today, while I was putting up Christmas lights, my younger brother wouldn't stop pestering me. It seems he hadn't forgotten the time I gave myself an electric shock last year, and he wanted to see if I'd do it again. FML

#18419129
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20254) - you deserved it (3102)

On 12/03/2011 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML

#19793138
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20255) - you deserved it (2030)

On 06/15/2012 at 4:23pm - misc - by shalara (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, an attractive guy told me he wanted to get to know me and see me again. When I told my boyfriend, in hopes of stirring up some jealousy, he said "he'll regret it when he finds out what you're like in bed, trust me." FML

#14282148
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20251) - you deserved it (37854)

On 12/21/2010 at 4:38am - intimacy - by fail (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was eating breakfast at an IHOP. As I was eating, the old man sitting directly behind me started discussing every aspect of his spastic colon, in vivid detail. FML

#14809738
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20251) - you deserved it (2610)

On 02/02/2011 at 9:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed that when I sweat I smell like bacon. I'm a vegetarian. FML

#17756574
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20250) - you deserved it (9965)

On 09/16/2011 at 5:38am - misc - by sweatstreaks - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I met my cousin after two years. She got really tall and skinny, like a model. I joked saying, "You've grown and gotten slim, and I've stayed the same and have gotten fat." I expected some sort of disagreement. Instead, she looked me up and down, frowned, and gave me a long, sympathetic hug. FML

#2736188
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20248) - you deserved it (44879)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:39am - health - by fatty (woman) - Germany (Hessen)

Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron and led my husband to the kitchen by his knob to have some fun. I tripped on the floor and used his knob to keep balance. FML

#8797344
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20246) - you deserved it (6818)

On 03/03/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by Sorry (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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