Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, I was trying to convince a friend that even though I'm blonde, I'm not the oblivious or stupid moron everyone apparently thinks I am. Then I smacked face-first into a glass door. FML

by Blondie / 05/05/2011 at 4:01pm / Lebanon (Beyrouth) / Health

Today, I had a job interview, for which I spent hours preparing. My interviewer was nothing more than a pimple-faced teen, and after only two minutes of reviewing my qualifications, he lost interest and started asking such questions as which Hogwarts house is my favorite. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2012 at 4:26pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Work

Today, I found an old jock strap in my tuba. FML

by jocksblow / 11/14/2011 at 8:23am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML

by dadsadipshit / 02/15/2013 at 6:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up and had a flick through my camera photos. To my disgust my mother had taken pictures of herself, drunk out of her mind, naked with goggles on in our hot tub. FML

by kimbo / 10/25/2010 at 4:28am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML

by Derpina / 12/21/2011 at 10:33am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to the sound of a Suburban crashing through my fence and striking the tree in my front yard. After filling out the police report, the driver repeatedly asked me to give him a lift to work. He seemed confused by my speechlessness. FML

by Anonymous / 01/22/2012 at 12:57pm / United States (Nevada) / Transportation

Today, after spending hours putting up our tree and decorating it, it fell over and shattered the glass ornaments. FML

by anonymous / 11/26/2011 at 7:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was yelled at and humiliated by my otherwise awesome brother-in-law for my supposed lack of effort in the planning of a baby shower for my very pregnant sister. The kicker? Her huge, break-my-bank semi-surprise baby shower has been in the works for a month and is happening this weekend. FML

by goodsister / 10/14/2009 at 4:09am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML

by MereLewis95 / 10/26/2011 at 4:58am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized the $40 iPhone case I bought to keep my new phone from getting scratched, scratched my iPhone. FML

by LadyGore / 02/19/2012 at 10:30am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that when buying my $500 dollar dress I put my address as Austria instead of Australia. FML

by post it / 03/30/2015 at 11:27pm / Australia (Victoria) / Money

Today, I'm babysitting for kids whose parents said they would be back by 12. Its 4am and they still aren't home. I don't get paid enough for this. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2015 at 5:09am / United States (Illinois) / Work