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Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML

#20046142
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19438) - you deserved it (2150)

On 08/28/2012 at 11:56am - love - by StillBetterThanTwilight (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was doing karaoke with my girlfriend's family, when the 5 year old came over and shut off my microphone. FML

#14681491
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19433) - you deserved it (7591)

On 01/23/2011 at 12:47am - misc - by shadowfigure (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, my boyfriend complained that we may not work out because I'm "just too needy". I'd woken up early and texted him "good morning" while he was trying to sleep. FML

#9047626
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19431) - you deserved it (8863)

On 03/13/2010 at 2:10pm - love - by bumblebee (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I switched cell phone service providers, hoping to upgrade. After working out the details and picking a phone in the store, I got home to find my brand new cell can't get a signal in my house. I already signed the two year contract. FML

#19596569
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19429) - you deserved it (5291)

On 05/09/2012 at 7:03am - misc - by klynn267 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to see my grandfather in hospital, to see how well he's recovering from his stroke. He asked who I was. After I told him I'm his grand-daughter, his head almost rolled off his neck in disappointment. FML

Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML

#19705256
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19429) - you deserved it (3725)

On 05/30/2012 at 4:25pm - health - by Terri-Lynn (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had an awful day and angrily threw a glass at the wall. Needless to say, I didn't feel like cleaning it up, and I took a nap, intending to do it later. I thought I would remember the bits of glass everywhere when I woke up. I didn't, but my feet soon did. FML

#20838843
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19427) - you deserved it (60228)

On 08/15/2013 at 3:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Otago)

Today, my boyfriend, of a year, got drunk and called me flat chested then said the reason he won't have sex with me anymore is because he is "used" to me. He said all of this in front of his friends. FML

#7701844
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19421) - you deserved it (2408)

On 01/30/2010 at 9:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML

#20096305
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19421) - you deserved it (1673)

On 10/01/2012 at 1:47am - misc - by Prae - United States (Texas)

Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML

#13481671
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19417) - you deserved it (25863)

On 10/17/2010 at 2:28am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my two year old decided to run out the front door alone. I ran after him, tripped over the bottom of my jeans, fell onto the sidewalk and scraped up both my hands and knees. My neighbors just watched. FML

#8772843
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19415) - you deserved it (3767)

On 03/02/2010 at 1:21pm - kids - by kansasgirl (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my obsession with saying "your mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I did with my pencil. FML

#21108224
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19411) - you deserved it (44813)

On 04/09/2014 at 1:17am - misc - by Motha - United States (Utah)

Today, after going to the beach with my guyfriend, I thought I looked pretty good infront of him in a bikini. Later he whispered in my ear, "You have a lot of hairs sticking out of your bottom". FML

#4405675
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19410) - you deserved it (41152)

On 08/09/2009 at 10:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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