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Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

#6596856
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19386) - you deserved it (5909)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:48am - intimacy - by Not-so-sexy - United States (Washington)

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

#13108998
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19383) - you deserved it (12578)

On 09/19/2010 at 2:21am - animals - by jillydark6609 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I found out that "going for a meal and going out clubbing" for New Year's means me cooking for my mates and driving them to the pub. FML

#7042607
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19382) - you deserved it (3098)

On 12/30/2009 at 8:32pm - misc - by stonesober (man) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I was talking to my fellow coworker about how nervous I was about sleeping with this guy I really liked. She's been constantly giving me advice about him for months, but today she said "Oh don't worry, he isn't that good in bed anyway." FML

#6293770
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19380) - you deserved it (2698)

On 11/13/2009 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by taurus05 (woman) - United States

Today, after threatening my son for weeks that if he didn't clean his room, I would, I went in, equipped with a garbage bag, ready to throw away everything I found, only to discover dozens of empty bottles, two partially empty pizza boxes, Taco Bell wrappers, and cockroaches. FML

#8824498
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19380) - you deserved it (14889)

On 03/04/2010 at 3:01pm - kids - by disguested (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML

#19755042
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19380) - you deserved it (4908)

On 06/08/2012 at 12:36pm - health - by miss tomato (woman) - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend's father that I wanted to talk about his daughter. I then went on to tell him I was thinking about 'popping the cherry', instead of 'popping the question'. FML

#7883509
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19376) - you deserved it (11303)

On 02/04/2010 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by stoopidpoop (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML

#689
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19375) - you deserved it (6985)

On 01/03/2009 at 3:38am - misc - by sm@rtie - Sent from mobile version

Today, my dad went through all the trouble of sneaking onto my laptop and photoshopping a bong into my Facebook profile picture, apparently just so he could win a €20 bet with my mom, that hinged on her grounding me by December. FML

#20178213
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19372) - you deserved it (1336)

On 11/25/2012 at 1:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Europe

Today, I got an email notification from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi, we've found 0 new matches for you". FML

#1495
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19374) - you deserved it (2321)

On 01/17/2009 at 7:40pm - love - by sad sack. - United States (Florida)

Today, we received a wedding invitation from a couple who are renting an apartment from us. They haven't paid rent for several months. My father is listed as the "principal sponsor." FML

#2284
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19369) - you deserved it (1845)

On 01/23/2009 at 5:16am - money - by moronicmoroccan - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, my fiancé picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathroom was set up in such a way that he can drink himself in to a stupor, then use the toilet and puke in the sink at the same time. FML

#8891983
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19369) - you deserved it (5028)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:25pm - love - by ohshit (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

#20498986
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19365) - you deserved it (39978)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Somerset)



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