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Today, my family and I noticed that our Christmas tree had been stolen from our front garden. Last night, a group of girls from my village posted a status on Facebook stating how drunk they were, and how they had stolen a Christmas tree. I "liked" it. FML

#6613732
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23612) - you deserved it (14401)

On 12/05/2009 at 8:22am - misc - by Marcella_03 (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML

#13624722
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23611) - you deserved it (5948)

On 10/28/2010 at 8:00am - intimacy - by djoe - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was in the gym, when i noticed three trainers who worked there staring at me. Thinking that they were checking me out, i turned the speed on the tread mill higher. Finally one of the trainers came over, and asked me to leave until i got a sports bra that actually worked. FML

#209594
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23611) - you deserved it (44062)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by girlie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML

#21337828
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23610) - you deserved it (15119)

On 01/15/2015 at 8:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML

#6731473
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23609) - you deserved it (5273)

On 12/13/2009 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my neighbor ordered parking tickets for everyone on the block. My car was 4 inches into his driveway, but not obstructing his exit in any way. That didn't stop him from calling in, on a Sunday, at 8 AM, an 88 dollar ticket. He also left a note "Your parking sucks, love, Greg." FML

#6241775
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23606) - you deserved it (9104)

On 11/10/2009 at 10:59am - money - by notgreg (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed: standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my brand new car. FML

#8866144
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23604) - you deserved it (7001)

On 03/06/2010 at 10:22am - misc - by Coldflame (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML

#19268925
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23605) - you deserved it (7990)

On 03/13/2012 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Wow (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother and I were driving through Del Taco. Instead of ordering "Macho Diet Coke", she said "Macho Diet Cock". After correcting herself and pulling up to the window, the employee who goes to my high school gave her the drink and his phone number. FML

#7898835
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23604) - you deserved it (2333)

On 02/05/2010 at 2:52am - misc - by MachoFluster (man) - United States (California)

Today, while at work I went to use the public restroom because I had a severe case of diarrhea. All went well until the timed sensor lights went off and I couldn't leave my stall to get them back on. I sat there for thirty minutes in pure darkness. FML

#7105226
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23600) - you deserved it (3509)

On 01/02/2010 at 2:24pm - work - by Bathroom Problems - France

Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML

#13012343
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23600) - you deserved it (8632)

On 09/12/2010 at 12:07am - intimacy - by ewmomew (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got fired from my job where you build teddy bears. I got fired not because I did anything wrong, just because they don't like my personality. I'd never worked with my boss, and that means all the employees that work there had a meeting about me, and all confirmed they don't like me. FML

#13710302
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23598) - you deserved it (5931)

On 11/04/2010 at 1:19am - work - by upsetandunjustified (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, wanting to be on time for my first job interview, I woke up at the crack of dawn and walked almost an hour through a thunderstorm. When I arrived, I was told that the manager wasn't in today, because of the bad weather. FML

#20046195
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23598) - you deserved it (1775)

On 08/28/2012 at 12:56pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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