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Today, I realized burying my dog underneath our swing-set was a bad idea. My two sons are now scarred for life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6353) - you deserved it (31658)
On 08/04/2011 at 6:19am - kids - by Bobsaget00 (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML
I agree, your life sucks (6352) - you deserved it (27680)
On 09/11/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by 0ptimu5 (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)
Today, I got out of bed and immediately went to the window as it was supposed to snow today. I saw a man walking his dog and he waved at me. I waved back enthusiastically and realised I was naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6352) - you deserved it (19214)
On 12/31/2009 at 6:47am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6351) - you deserved it (45746)
On 07/13/2009 at 6:18pm - misc - by iJehx (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, before a big client pitch I went into their office bathroom to quickly slick down my hair. It had two identical automatic faucets, one for water and one for hand soap. Now my hair is full of soap, and smells like industrial strength lavender. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6351) - you deserved it (18564)
On 10/22/2010 at 9:26am - work - by soapypete (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I called the toaster a "cheeky thing" for being done before the kettle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6350) - you deserved it (11874)
On 02/22/2012 at 2:56am - misc - by jenni6488 - United Kingdom (Gateshead)
Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French exchange last year, so I wanted to sound all impressive and cultured for my crush who is in the same class. I said that it was my favorite movie and I couldn't wait to watch it with everyone. The movie turned out to be about incest. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6346) - you deserved it (58829)
On 05/04/2009 at 10:41pm - misc - by daddyslittlegirl250 (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was pretending to use the force to operate the elevator at my hotel, getting really into it. Someone was waiting to get on at my floor and saw me. Not to mention the staff now brings it up every time I'm around. Apparently they have cameras in their elevators. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6346) - you deserved it (34280)
On 08/06/2009 at 7:16pm - misc - by beckzx58 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I paid for someone else's pee so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6344) - you deserved it (45013)
On 04/24/2012 at 4:29am - work - by xharmonyx - United States
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6339) - you deserved it (54583)
On 04/27/2009 at 6:04pm - animals - by silentbutdeadly (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend's cousin. After trying to stick his finger up my butt, he blacked out on top of me with his penis still hard inside me. I tried yelling his name and pushing him off, with no success. I ended up having to call my friend to help me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6338) - you deserved it (14627)
On 02/23/2010 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by lendahandmanda (woman) - United States (California)
Today, some blowhard on a motorcycle yelled at me for jaywalking, causing him to almost hit a dumpster. He picked up and threw an empty beer can at me when I started giggling at the sticker on the front of his helmet that said "If you can read this, I have lost my caravan." FML
I agree, your life sucks (6338) - you deserved it (14956)
On 08/24/2011 at 10:07pm - misc - by josie345 - United States
Today, as I was washing my boyfriend's fishbowl, the fish did a Nemo and made an unholy leap down the drain. My immediate impulse was to flip the switch. Our kitchen now smells like mutilated fish and my boyfriend won't speak to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6337) - you deserved it (21944)
On 04/21/2012 at 2:01am - animals - by gimmeasalad - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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