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Today, I woke up excited to go trick-or-treating, the treat being candy. Instead, my town has officially postponed Halloween due to blackouts. I guess this is where the trick comes in. FML

#18121286
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22566) - you deserved it (3240)

On 10/31/2011 at 3:11pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

#4155124
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22564) - you deserved it (55001)

On 07/30/2009 at 5:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I found out my boyfriend sleeps on a Princess Leia pillow. He's 22. FML

#20494713
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22565) - you deserved it (8197)

On 02/05/2013 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally admitted that I have to consider buying a nose hair trimmer. I'm a woman. FML

#17894495
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22563) - you deserved it (3628)

On 10/03/2011 at 8:08am - health - by smsmall - United States

Today, I went back to work after being sick for a week. While I was gone, they hired a new manager. Trying to score bonus points, and possibly a raise, I went to shake her hand and introduce myself. Just as I was about to say "Hello, my name is-" I sneezed right in her face. FML

#13686698
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22562) - you deserved it (5754)

On 11/02/2010 at 10:20am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was talking to my grandpa while he was gardening outside. Suddenly I feel this hard, salty thing fly into my mouth and I spit it out. It turned out to be a beetle. My grandpa takes one look at the beetle and says, "Well, at least that poor bug finally got you to shut up." FML

#19119481
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22558) - you deserved it (5866)

On 02/20/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by vw (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML

#17916897
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22557) - you deserved it (2361)

On 10/06/2011 at 12:40am - misc - by grubbieduc - United States (California)

Today, my elderly neighbor used his snowblower to send all of the fallen leaves in his yard into mine, which I'd raked earlier that morning. FML

#18271256
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22557) - you deserved it (2035)

On 11/17/2011 at 7:43am - misc - by leaf hater - United States

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

#13432700
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22556) - you deserved it (6741)

On 10/13/2010 at 10:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML

#7605430
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22554) - you deserved it (7734)

On 01/27/2010 at 1:21am - misc - by garage - Sent from mobile version

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

#12920070
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22555) - you deserved it (6004)

On 09/05/2010 at 5:51pm - misc - by noonotme (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

#20539833
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22554) - you deserved it (48893)

On 03/11/2013 at 5:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, the woman I love told me she cared about me and didn't like me hurting myself. She then posted a picture of herself making-out with her new boyfriend. FML

#6433599
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22554) - you deserved it (4818)

On 11/24/2009 at 5:04am - love - by xX-SaD-FaCe-Xx (man) - Singapore



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