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Today, I went to the mall with some friends. We all kept smelling this god awful B.O. smell and had no idea where it was coming from. On the car ride home, we all figured out it was actually me. FML

by cooploops / 01/31/2015 at 10:13am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, I realized that my baby stops crying loudly whenever I turn on the vacuum cleaner. I'm either stuck with a fussy baby all day, or the roaring sound of a vacuum cleaner. FML

by superhero1043 / 05/14/2010 at 1:01am / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, while waiting in line at a store, a toddler behind me was throwing a major meltdown while his father yelled at him, giving me a migraine. I turned to the woman behind me and said, "Can you believe this kid? I feel sorry for his mother." Turns out the woman was his mother. FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2014 at 11:31am / United States / Kids

Today, I got engaged. When I called my father, who is out of state for a few days, to tell him, his response was, "What'd you do that for?" FML

by jessiebear159 / 05/28/2015 at 3:04am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML

by spiderchick23 / 02/09/2011 at 7:41pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I found out that when you are sitting on a full bench at a bus stop, some crazy person will come sit on you. FML

by BadassRumbleroar / 01/19/2012 at 10:46pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I popped a zit and I went to put my acne medicine on it. It's in a clear bottle with a blue cap, just like the nearby nailpolish remover. I grabbed the wrong one. FML

by inseriouspain / 08/22/2010 at 5:20pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, as the clock struck twelve for the new year, I was in the bathroom having a nosebleed. FML

by cauteriseme / 01/01/2011 at 10:37am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Health

Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2012 at 10:56pm / United States / Animals

Today, for the second time, I had an argument with my mother about whether William Shakespeare was a real person or not. FML

by ohno / 03/17/2015 at 4:35pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML

by Mrs. Ned / 09/08/2015 at 10:00pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

Today, my house was the only house left that still had its Christmas lights up, so I decided to take them down. Almost done, my fingers brushed over a spiderweb. Startled, I jumped off the ladder and broke my shoulder. Oh, and the spider still managed to stay on my hand, giving me a panic attack. FML

by Man vs. Spider / 02/28/2010 at 12:05pm / United States / Animals

Today, at work I tried to help an old man by opening the door for him. He flipped me off because I was wearing a Kansas State University shirt. FML

by Ivan / 03/02/2011 at 5:10am / Work