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Today, after informing my boss I needed stress leave from my 70 hour a week shifts, I got my new work assignment. Sixty hours a week starting at 2am. FML

#14942449
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24314) - you deserved it (3616)

On 02/11/2011 at 11:02pm - work - by NotAMorningPerson - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I spent half-an-hour trapped inside my dog's crate. The door locked behind me as I squeezed myself inside to stroke her. After bellowing at my family in the garden for what felt like an eternity, they came through just to laugh and take pictures. FML

#21412642
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24315) - you deserved it (8384)

On 05/19/2015 at 4:58pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Scottish Borders, The)

Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "smash hit record" took on a whole new meaning. FML

#19488464
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24312) - you deserved it (2424)

On 04/18/2012 at 2:57am - kids - by ChampionshipVinyl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a homeless man started to wet himself in the recliner at the coffee shop where I work. He then walked all the way to the bathroom, only to finish urinating in a puddle right in front of the bathroom door. Guess who cleaned it up. FML

#19907093
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24313) - you deserved it (1629)

On 07/07/2012 at 11:16pm - work - by cj1012 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML

#21430513
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24318) - you deserved it (5236)

On 06/23/2015 at 2:37am - misc - by Arcanin3Boss (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend punched a hole in a door. This is on top of the broken handle, cracked sink top, dented fridge, and other holes in the wall he has also made. We are 4 months into our year lease. I don't think we are getting our $720 deposit back. FML

#15781081
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24310) - you deserved it (17682)

On 04/14/2011 at 2:59am - money - by Username -

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

#21382528
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24308) - you deserved it (5325)

On 03/27/2015 at 5:19pm - work - by screwedupfuck (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while working at a hospital, I told a patient to smile for the camera when taking an xray. His response was, "I have Bell's Palsy and haven't smiled in 5 years." FML

#13601804
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24307) - you deserved it (7133)

On 10/26/2010 at 12:50pm - health - by oaksac191 - United States (New York)

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

#20012686
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24307) - you deserved it (3090)

On 08/10/2012 at 12:40am - misc - by banana2894 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I managed to throw my back out by blowing my nose. FML

#21409404
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24308) - you deserved it (2629)

On 05/13/2015 at 9:57am - health - by Hlaalette (woman) - Belgium

Today, I started working my new summer job at McDonald's. Only 2 hours into my first shift, my tooth falls out onto a young girl's tray of food. Not only did she see it, but my managers and other people waiting in line all saw it. I don't think I have a summer job anymore. FML

Today, I was following a makeup tutorial on YouTube. The girl said to apply concealer to any "problem areas" on my face. When I was done, 90% of my face was covered in concealer. FML

#13653489
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24305) - you deserved it (5405)

On 10/30/2010 at 7:46pm - misc - by demaris (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to buy another pair of 'fat jeans', because my old 'fat jeans' became my new 'skinny jeans'. FML

#4926734
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24303) - you deserved it (55946)

On 08/30/2009 at 10:15am - misc - by FML (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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