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Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML

#5942
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24620) - you deserved it (18079)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:48am - health - by mrb72 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my fiancé told me he wants a security guard to come with us on our honeymoon to Hawaii. Apparently, watching Dog the Bounty Hunter has made him feel unsafe. FML

#18379214
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24620) - you deserved it (2672)

On 11/28/2011 at 8:50pm - love - by DoggyBlues - United States (California)

Today, I arrived at work to find an email from the manager whom I had bought concert tickets from the night before. He said he had actually sold those tickets to someone else. He still expects to be paid. FML

#8692922
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24619) - you deserved it (2166)

On 02/27/2010 at 3:45pm - work - by mcfaily - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend of two years called me on Skype while he was taking a crap. Think it's a sign that maybe we've been dating for too long. FML

#14091257
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24619) - you deserved it (5265)

On 12/05/2010 at 1:35am - love - by fail (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I noticed my 5-gallon glass vase/aquarium was leaking at the base. When I went to move the vase so I could transfer everything to a new aquarium, the bottom completely detached, sending water, sand, sea shells and fish crap everywhere. FML

#18499950
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24619) - you deserved it (5218)

On 12/13/2011 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was chatting with my choir leader. I told him that I have been thinking about taking singing lessons. His immediate reaction was, "Thank god, finally!" FML

#20474677
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24618) - you deserved it (6086)

On 01/23/2013 at 10:44am - misc - by sdd (woman) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, we finally got our first electricity bill for our new flat. I was shocked to see that we had used £60 worth of electricity in 6 weeks. Then I noticed that it was only an estimate, and that we could read the meter ourselves to correct the amount. We now have to pay nearly £400. FML

#6038057
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24617) - you deserved it (7164)

On 10/28/2009 at 10:47am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML

#17388781
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24618) - you deserved it (3464)

On 08/06/2011 at 4:39pm - kids - by Tabby (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I left a concert with my drunk mother who had spilled beer all over my shirt. I drove her home and she slept it off. Later, my mom "found" my shirt in the laundry and grounded me for drinking behind her back. She won't believe me that it was her. FML

#21422282
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24617) - you deserved it (1399)

On 06/07/2015 at 11:46am - misc - by MagnusDeus - United States (California)

Today, I was walking my dogs when I noticed one of them had found something, and was eating it. After my command to "drop it" went unheeded, I took it upon myself to scoop it out of her mouth with my finger. After getting it all over my hand, I realized it was a piece of another dog's poop. FML

#5885863
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24614) - you deserved it (6385)

On 10/18/2009 at 9:11pm - animals - by Mary - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

#19480957
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24612) - you deserved it (6942)

On 04/16/2012 at 9:59pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, while teaching my high school class about astronomy, I showed them a picture of earth from space. One girl raised her hand, and asked me what the "white things" were. In other words, clouds. FML

#17757259
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24611) - you deserved it (2654)

On 09/16/2011 at 10:42am - kids - by Smart - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML

#19517929
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24611) - you deserved it (2641)

On 04/23/2012 at 6:41pm - misc - by beleria (woman) - United States



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