Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML

by Oh dear / 07/05/2012 at 6:15pm / Saint Vincent and the Grenadines (Saint George) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn't even online at the time. FML

by werewolfoflondon / 11/02/2010 at 10:16pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

by wtf / 01/30/2015 at 4:00am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen so I went to work. On my walk to work a girl pulls up on my bike and says I need to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. Hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass as police surround me and accuse me of stealing my own bike. FML

by cwell88 / 06/21/2015 at 9:29am / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally quit the job that I've been complaining about. Before I could tell my husband, he informed me that he had been laid off, and was thankful we still had my income. FML

by Sarah / 10/19/2010 at 7:06pm / United States (Ohio) / Money

Today, I saw a squirrel beside a tree. Thinking it was cute, I stepped closer, picked up a pine cone and tried to lure it to come closer. After about two minutes of silently squatting on someone's lawn holding a pine cone, I realized the squirrel was dead. FML

by eyesightfail / 11/21/2009 at 6:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend went in for a kiss too fast and broke my front tooth. FML

by slayerdeath / 05/20/2012 at 1:19am / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML

by Wow / 03/13/2012 at 12:38am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML

by PicklesMcRaptor / 03/25/2012 at 7:59am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I overheard my co-workers referring to me as "Uncle Fester". This is apparently my nickname around the office, and has been for nearly three years. I had no idea. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2015 at 9:49pm / United States (West Virginia) / Work

Today, my ex girlfriend that I still love sent me a text, quote "I still love you, but i'm not IN love with you" Um, what? FML

by wtf / 01/07/2009 at 2:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

by EternalBlossom / 07/14/2015 at 1:03am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I learned that my doctor lost all of my immunization records. I can't start law school without them. FML

by bureaucratic assfuckery / 01/04/2013 at 3:51pm / United States (Maryland) / Health