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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

#20428799
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22957) - you deserved it (45214) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/28/2012 at 8:21pm - misc - by ELparano - Canada

Today, I received an overdue bill for my now nonexistent car that caught fire in July. FML

#13713270
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22956) - you deserved it (3030)

On 11/04/2010 at 10:42am - money - by Lisa - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said "good" and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he's actually disappointed that I'm not gay. His advice was: "just wank it off and move on". FML

#19377820
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22955) - you deserved it (2639)

On 03/30/2012 at 6:21pm - love - by sad (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

#5680173
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22954) - you deserved it (2872)

On 10/06/2009 at 9:53am - intimacy - by Crappit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend was talking to me on the land line when his cell phone rang. He told me to wait "two seconds" while he talked to a classmate. Their "two second" conversation lasted ten minutes, and now I can hear the French Open on the TV in background. He forgot he was talking to me. FML

#10913904
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22953) - you deserved it (3915)

On 06/01/2010 at 10:34pm - misc - by chiclet - Sent from mobile version

Today, I once again had another guy's sweaty crotch pushed into my face. I still don't see why I enjoy wrestling. FML

Today, I snuck out of the house to go to a party. When I got back later, I tried climbing back up the rope-ladder I'd set up earlier, leading back through my bedroom window. I was halfway up when it broke free. I sprained both my ankles and had to shamefully ring the doorbell to get back in. FML

#21150371
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22952) - you deserved it (50514)

On 05/24/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by groundedasfuck - United States (Alabama)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and after 10 seconds he gave up and said "This is more tiring than I expected". FML

#7518745
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22951) - you deserved it (3051)

On 01/23/2010 at 11:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my grandma's cat peed on my full leg cast. The closest doctor was a three hour drive away. So my grandma wouldn't take me at all the whole weekend. FML

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

#5847643
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22947) - you deserved it (5829)

On 10/16/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by rugernut13 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at my sister's wedding. Everything was going flawlessly. That is, until our visibly drunk mom started a punch-up over who got to cut the cake first. FML

#17931151
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22947) - you deserved it (1947)

On 10/07/2011 at 10:13pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

#19410282
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22947) - you deserved it (2283)

On 04/05/2012 at 1:11am - intimacy - by Lionman (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML

#17471186
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22946) - you deserved it (13648)

On 08/14/2011 at 3:31pm - misc - by fuck (man) - United States (Arizona)



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