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Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

#14606739
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22675) - you deserved it (4213)

On 01/16/2011 at 10:59pm - misc - by sos (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went on a cruise. I gave my bags to a porter, and tipped him $5. Later that night, my bags still hadn't arrived at my room, and that's when I realized that I'd paid a fake porter to steal my bags. FML

#20397361
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22674) - you deserved it (4685)

On 12/12/2012 at 10:43pm - misc - by McFizzy321 - United States (Florida)

Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML

#8540042
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22672) - you deserved it (3298)

On 02/22/2010 at 12:17am - love - by shwasted (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

#20498426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22672) - you deserved it (8618)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:59pm - misc - by theydidsmellitthough (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I was flipping out because I couldn't find my wallet, and after several hours of cussing myself out, I went downstairs to make breakfast. I poured cereal into my bowl and my wallet flopped out with the Honey Nut Cheerios. I need to stop drinking. FML

#21267969
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22668) - you deserved it (33393)

On 09/29/2014 at 10:13pm - misc - by KasSmoke - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

#21300014
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22667) - you deserved it (3553)

On 11/16/2014 at 3:35am - health - by FlyLikeABird - United States (California)

Today, during a slow dance, my date wrapped his arms around my waist. Right as I touched his neck he says, "Sorry, I'm slightly sweaty." He wasn't lying. For the longest two minutes of my life I was swimming in his sweat. FML

#19172113
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22666) - you deserved it (4131)

On 02/27/2012 at 12:12am - love - by SwimminginSweat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML

#20609406
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22663) - you deserved it (42260)

On 04/21/2013 at 2:20am - misc - by Human fly - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

#20132869
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22662) - you deserved it (2170)

On 10/25/2012 at 3:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I discovered that my acne glows yellow and orange under black lights while in front of a wall of them at a club. FML

#19630499
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22662) - you deserved it (2353)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:43am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was my 16th birthday. My surprise was a new car, that is now in the side of the garage because my mom lost control while driving it around front. FML

#19464550
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22663) - you deserved it (3696)

On 04/14/2012 at 12:57am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

#19945727
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22662) - you deserved it (2356)

On 07/16/2012 at 2:25pm - misc - by CantBlink - United States (New Jersey)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #12
  • Another month, another bunch of shitposts. Yes, it's time to delve into the postbag and have another look at the weird and wonderful stuff we've been sent by people from all over the world. Hope you…

Tuesday 3 March 2015

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