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Today, I started my new job as a janitor at a store. The first thing that happened when I came in was another employee telling me that there was vomit in the restroom, and that I had to clean it up. Not only did I clean up vomit, I had to clean up the poop that made the kid puke in the first place. FML

#7170495
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25476) - you deserved it (4044)

On 01/05/2010 at 9:06pm - work - by Mark (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML

#20159802
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25474) - you deserved it (1542)

On 11/11/2012 at 11:30pm - misc - by me - United States (Indiana)

Today, I found out my reward for topping three of the four employee performance charts was a paycut. FML

#7010601
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25474) - you deserved it (2014)

On 12/29/2009 at 6:42am - work - by Stumanji (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML

#17954087
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25472) - you deserved it (2861)

On 10/10/2011 at 7:11pm - love - by crapedup - United States (Alabama)

Today, I found out that I am allergic to grass, and not supposed to mow lawns. My job is mowing lawns. FML

#19630951
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25472) - you deserved it (2203)

On 05/16/2012 at 3:36am - work - by jobless - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a police officer gave me a ticket for smoking. He told me that my parents would have to be contacted to come pick me up. My drunk dad came to the rescue, and almost hit the police car. Way to go dad. FML

#14945548
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25471) - you deserved it (17013)

On 02/12/2011 at 3:05am - misc - by savanna(: - United States (Utah)

Today, I offered "Girls Gone Wild" as an example of bad TV in my lecture thinking it was a reality TV show. It's porn. FML

Today, I took my kids to the circus. We were having fun, right up until the point they saw an old man dressed as a clown, at which point they screamed, grabbed onto my shorts, and managed to accidentally pull them down. FML

#17396996
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25469) - you deserved it (3095)

On 08/07/2011 at 1:14pm - kids - by SheaLili - United States (California)

Today, while trying to take my Christmas tree down, I learned that at some point during the last few weeks, it became home to a colony of green ants. I'm now covered in bites and terrified to go anywhere near it. FML

#20426337
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25469) - you deserved it (2702)

On 12/27/2012 at 5:54pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I was attacked by a bird at 3 in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No-one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML

#19026198
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25467) - you deserved it (2042)

On 02/08/2012 at 12:45pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, someone stole the massive pumpkin I've been painstakingly growing all year. What did they do with it? They put it in the middle of a busy intersection. FML

#20098412
122 comments

Today, the highlight of my day was that the gas station I work at finally got a new mop head. FML

#13801258
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25466) - you deserved it (3850)

On 11/11/2010 at 11:53am - work - by khaelian - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got fired from my part-time job, because I insisted on keeping my phone in my pocket and never using it, instead of putting it in locker without a lock or security camera, that anyone can go through. The manager found out by searching my locker for the past 3 weeks. Ironic. FML

#21452906
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25465) - you deserved it (2032)

On 08/06/2015 at 8:29pm - work - by Chesty Larue - United States



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