Animals and Cats: Confused kitties - FML

Confused kitties

By Anonymous - 23/02/2022 23:00 - United States - Steele

Today, my 9-year-old male cat has been trying to procreate with my 4-year-old female cat. Both are neutered, but every now and then, he randomly gets on top of her from behind, and bites her neck hard while she looks visibly uncomfortable. I've never heard of cats giving each other hickeys before. This isn't the first time. FML

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You deserved it 194

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Same thing different taste

Happy Caturday

By Cat Fight - 02/07/2022 15:00 - United States

Today, my cats started fighting again. Normally, I let them, because it's the only exercise they get. But this time one of my cats sliced the other's nose, and he responded by pinning her and nearly choking her to death. When I ran in to stop them, they teamed up against me. Ah, somethin' don't feel too good… FML

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You deserved it 413

Jackson Galaxy moment

By Foreigner Fail - 25/09/2022 13:30

Today, I meowed at my cat and he got really close to me. I then meowed again and he punched me in the face. Them's fightin' words, it seems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 361

The Lovecats

By Yudith - 19/12/2021 07:59

Today, my two cats, who I'm slowly easing into being together, seem to like the fight they had yesterday. My older cat goes to my new cat's room to mew until I open the door, then lunges at my new cat, and my new cat goes to the barrier until he sees my old cat, and they start their shenanigans again. FML

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You deserved it 197

By My rapey cat (doesn't even have balls) - 21/04/2018 01:30

Today, my 20-year-old sister is taking care of my cat while I am out of state. She sent a photo of him "playing in a silly way" with her kitty. I then had to very seriously explain to her that in the photo, my cat and her cat were trying to make more cats. FML

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You deserved it 424

Neuter your pets

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 20:01

Today, our cat is in heat. Her male counterpart is sitting outside my bedroom door, serenading her loudly, and has sprayed his piss all over the house, making sure she cannot escape him broadcasting his availability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 1 192

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 582

You deserved it 6 492

Poor little guy

By CatLady - 09/06/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 317

You deserved it 6 044

Metal Cat

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 05:01

Today, my cat jumped on my chest while I was sleeping and head-butted my nose to show she loves me. It was hard enough to crack it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 98

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 20:53 - United States

Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

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You deserved it 5 273

By pretty princess - 01/02/2009 08:55 - United States

Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML

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You deserved it 4 947

Next

Top comments

Nathan Potgieter 6

Thursday 24 February 2022 6:30

I'm no cat expert but I'm pretty sure that's just how cats procreate

cacheson 41

Thursday 24 February 2022 14:46

They do if they’re neutered later in life

Comments

Nathan Potgieter 6

Thursday 24 February 2022 6:30

I'm no cat expert but I'm pretty sure that's just how cats procreate

Kaneki Chiaki 15

Thursday 24 February 2022 7:32

Do natured animals feel sex drive?

cacheson 41

Thursday 24 February 2022 14:46

They do if they’re neutered later in life

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 24 February 2022 15:29

He's gettin' him some pussy. Literally.

CowgirlWithHeart 15

Friday 25 February 2022 6:19

My cat was neutered at 8 months old and he tried it occasionally, mostly in the spring, at least you don't have to worry about kittens!

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The Top

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Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML

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The Top

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Today, I was writing to my girlfriend on MSN when her roommate answered, "Sorry, this isn't Marie, she's at her boyfriend’s." Really? I've looked everywhere in my apartment, and I can’t find her. FML

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Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 814

You deserved it 4 947

Today, I've been awake for so long, I've started to hallucinate. I loudly screamed while sitting in the front row of my philosophy class of 200 students because I thought I saw the Tasmanian Devil zooming around the room. FML

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Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

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Today, I discovered my deadbeat ex-husband will not have to pay child support anymore, because while he sat on CERB the entire pandemic, I was an essential worker, and will be punished for having had an actual income. FML

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