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Today, my cat went into labor. This is surprising since 6 years ago, we paid to have her spayed. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2012 at 8:34pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals

Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2013 at 5:50pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

Today, my co-worker insisted there must be an underlying, romantic reason for why I spend so much time teaching him everything, and that I didn't mean it when I told him that's what I'm paid to do. I'm actually supposed to train this guy for three weeks. Two more weeks to go. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2010 at 6:57am / Singapore / Work

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to put my bra on. FML

by anniemeece / 04/07/2012 at 11:15am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went in to a job interview with 6 other girls my age. I tried to sit down on a chair exactly like the ones every other girl was sitting on. Then, one of the interviewers offered to get me a more "sturdy" chair. For the entire interview, I got to sit in the "fat girl chair". FML

by HellaBomber91 / 02/11/2010 at 3:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML

by Rebecca / 04/16/2012 at 2:49pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my boss for a promotion. "You don't work here but I can give you a job application." I've been working here for 8 years. FML

by Application / 07/28/2015 at 4:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I was helping out during the school play's interval. My head of year jokingly asked me to follow him around with these mini cocktail sausages for the rest of the school year. I thought it would be witty to reply, "Does that make me your official sausage holder?" FML

by MirandaJones / 03/20/2015 at 10:41am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, I held hands with a male mannequin in a department store, just to remember what holding hands felt like. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 8:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML

by Mrs. Ned / 09/08/2015 at 10:00pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

Today, I fell down the stairs while reading the 'mind your step' sign. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2010 at 3:20pm / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my brother jerking off to a breast cancer awareness advert. FML

by ugh, why / 11/22/2015 at 12:12am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML

by Oh dear / 07/05/2012 at 6:15pm / Saint Vincent and the Grenadines (Saint George) / Miscellaneous