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Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML

by Mrs. Ned / 09/08/2015 at 10:00pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

by FML_Elle / 10/06/2012 at 11:52am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell down the stairs while reading the 'mind your step' sign. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2010 at 3:20pm / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML

by Rebecca / 04/16/2012 at 2:49pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my boss for a promotion. "You don't work here but I can give you a job application." I've been working here for 8 years. FML

by Application / 07/28/2015 at 4:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my daughter called me to pick her up at the mall. She said I had to meet her inside a specific store, so I figured she wanted me to pay for something. Turns out I was right, she was being arrested for shoplifting. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2012 at 9:32pm / United States / Kids

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to put my bra on. FML

by anniemeece / 04/07/2012 at 11:15am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Every time when I touched her, the jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

by Jimii Liu / 03/10/2012 at 8:41pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2013 at 5:50pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

Today, my ex girlfriend that I still love sent me a text, quote "I still love you, but i'm not IN love with you" Um, what? FML

by wtf / 01/07/2009 at 2:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I was talking about an essay I'd written for a class that was due to be turned in online days ago. I thought mine was well written and I'd even finished it a couple of days early so I wouldn't forget about it. After a few minutes of talking and feeling proud, I realized that I forgot to turn it in. FML

by Akoni / 03/26/2015 at 5:53am / United States (California) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn't even online at the time. FML

by werewolfoflondon / 11/02/2010 at 10:16pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with his boss so he could get a promotion and "provide" for us. This from the guy who made me quit my job because he said he made enough money to support us both. FML

by dtack2tack / 07/09/2015 at 9:42am / United States / Love