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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

#13035925
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19781) - you deserved it (5521)

On 09/13/2010 at 3:33pm - misc - by Joplin - United Kingdom

Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML

#19603388
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19779) - you deserved it (1946)

On 05/10/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by Jesse (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my deranged co-worker sent me a text message containing a picture that she just took of her uncle. It was his funeral. FML

#9083154
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19778) - you deserved it (1626)

On 03/14/2010 at 8:20pm - misc - by thanatophobia - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend's mother came over for a few hours. After she left I went to grab a drink, only to find that three bottles of expensive liquor were missing from our liquor cabinet. FML

#20148667
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19778) - you deserved it (1541)

On 11/05/2012 at 9:02am - misc - by liquorless (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my landlord is too cheap to turn up the hot water tank enough to have a comfortable shower. There's a huge padlock on the door, she won't budge, and I'm signed in until December. FML

#17962852
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19777) - you deserved it (1937)

On 10/11/2011 at 9:05pm - misc - by frigid - (Alberta)

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I am trying to get close to while we were at the bar. Music was playing, so I thought that while his attention was diverted I would sneak out a yawn. Just as I did so, the music went silent and I let out a tremendous burp. FML

#7351489
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19775) - you deserved it (7589)

On 01/15/2010 at 12:25am - love - by beriles (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML

#19720821
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19772) - you deserved it (13126)

On 06/02/2012 at 12:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Carlow)

Today, I went to a museum that had exhibits of wax people in the hallways. We were taking pictures of what we thought to be a waxwork old lady. Turns out she was real. FML

#13138405
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19771) - you deserved it (8617)

On 09/21/2010 at 1:46am - misc - by yourmom - United States (Georgia)

Today, I left my parents house to drive 90 minutes back to college. As I was getting off the exit for my school, I realized I left my bright pink vibrator sitting on my dresser back at home. FML

#236958
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19770) - you deserved it (67797)

On 03/07/2009 at 8:15pm - intimacy - by vibratorgirl (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I went to the movies with a friend and her grandma. Her grandma was using toothpicks and dropping them on the ground next to our popcorn bucket. I took a big handful of popcorn, and was fortunate enough to get a piece of her toothpick lodged in my throat. FML

#2289
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19766) - you deserved it (1925)

On 01/23/2009 at 6:36am - misc - by Spanky - United States (Michigan)

Today, marks the second week straight without sex. Being a newlywed isn't as great as I thought. FML

#7007388
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19763) - you deserved it (3828)

On 12/29/2009 at 2:12am - intimacy - by marriagesux - United States

Today, I realized that over the course of this winter, there have been more snow days in Atlanta than days in which I have ever been on a date. FML

#8774355
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19762) - you deserved it (4576)

On 03/02/2010 at 3:04pm - love - by lonelyashell (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I left my sunroof on my truck open for 5 minutes while I ran into the bank. When I came out a seagull had gotten into my truck. I managed to open the doors and get it out but not before it tore up a seat and pooped everywhere inside my truck. FML

#19914260
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19762) - you deserved it (6490)

On 07/09/2012 at 11:44am - misc - by seagull hater - United States (California)



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