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Today, after weeks of wondering if my cat has a fetish for licking my bed covers, I finally witnessed him licking up an ant off of the covers. Turns out that my bed is infested with ants. FML

#20138030
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21597) - you deserved it (4608)

On 10/29/2012 at 12:23am - animals - by lifelike (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I moved back home because I got laid off and could no longer afford my apartment. I decided to take a nap and when I woke up I overheard my Mom telling my Aunt that she used to be so proud of me and wonders when I became such a loser. Burn. FML

#2215
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21594) - you deserved it (2409)

On 01/22/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by TotallyFkd - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

#18946444
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21594) - you deserved it (9656)

On 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm - health - by Rachal - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, in a big meeting, my secretary calls me saying that I have an important call waiting. I put the call through. It was my beautician, confirming my appointment to get rid of an ingrown hair. I hurriedly confirm and hang up to see everyone in the room giggling. The speaker phone was on. FML

#6300259
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21598) - you deserved it (6472)

On 11/14/2009 at 12:31pm - misc - by SpeakerPhone (woman) - France (Alsace)

Today, I went on a coffee date with the man I've been in love with for a while. Before I knew what was going on, he'd started chatting up a pretty girl sitting nearby. I had to drink my coffee alone while he got her number. FML

#20113670
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21593) - you deserved it (2120)

On 10/12/2012 at 2:43pm - love - by firstdategonebad - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML

#152596
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21591) - you deserved it (61537)

On 02/27/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by LuvShawn (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

#19214836
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21590) - you deserved it (27269)

On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was planning to start my fitness regime and lose weight, using the bike that had been lying unused in my garden for the past six months. Tonight, the bike was stolen from my garden. FML

#18802834
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21593) - you deserved it (5638)

On 01/14/2012 at 2:51am - misc - by baby shak - United States

Today, I got married. I received a beautifully wrapped gift from my dad. I was full of excitement until I opened it and found two taxidermied rabbits. The ones I had when I was in the fifth grade. FML

#20120354
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21588) - you deserved it (1603)

On 10/16/2012 at 10:48pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, it was very windy and snowy and the neighborhoods garbage cans were blowing everywhere. I had already brought mine in and I saw my neighbor's being blown away. Thinking I'd be nice, I went out to pick it up. Just before I could however, the wind smashed it into me and I fell on the ice. FML

#7674410
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21586) - you deserved it (2799)

On 01/29/2010 at 1:59pm - misc - by Dana (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was forced to listen to a client rant about her lackluster sexual encounters with her husband. I was also given a rather detailed description of his manhood. Apparently, it's small. FML

Today, I found out that my parents don't know the difference between a foreign person and a deaf person. They've been yelling at our exchange student for the past 2 days. FML

#20034373
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21587) - you deserved it (1398)

On 08/21/2012 at 7:17pm - misc - by anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I made up an ingenious plan to finally hook up with the guy I really like at a party. Well, the plan itself worked great. Too bad I got so drunk that I used it on the wrong person. FML

#21266978
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21583) - you deserved it (30498)

On 09/28/2014 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)



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