Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, after work, I peeled a parking ticket off my windshield. It was so hot that the ink from the ticket made a stamp on my windshield. Now I have a permanent reminder staring me in the face wherever I drive. FML

by wils / 07/24/2010 at 5:49am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I argued with my girlfriend over her constantly wasting our money on acupuncture. She said if I could prove it was baloney, she would stop. After I showed her copious amounts of scientific proof debunking it as pseudo-science, she told me we're "taking a break" from our relationship. FML

by Anonymous / 02/03/2012 at 9:48pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, on my way to my therapist, my father told me to lie to her and tell her that I'm happy so he doesn't have to drive me in anymore. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2012 at 3:03am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked out my best friend via facebook graffiti. He then accidentally wrote his rejection as his status instead of on my wall. More people liked his status than the number of friends I have on facebook. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2010 at 12:08am / United States (California) / Love

Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2015 at 10:35am / France (Bretagne) / Work

Today, my car wouldn't start, so I had to wait for AAA. Then, hurrying to pick up my brother, I got a $161 speeding ticket. Twenty minutes later, I got a call from him saying he didn't need a ride anymore. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2010 at 6:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would be cute to feed a small seagull some of her food. Minutes later a flock of seagulls swarmed and attacked me and my sandwich. FML

by ihateseagulls / 04/07/2011 at 7:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML

by Ashton Sprunger / 12/30/2011 at 12:38am / United States / Work

Today, I just finished my first week of unemployment. I don't have any money. I also just finished the last toilet paper roll. FML

by INeedMoney / 01/28/2012 at 12:58am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, my friend was complaining about about her new boyfriend. Playing around, I told her that he sounded a lot like my ex. He is. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2015 at 5:20am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I found out my neighbor ordered parking tickets for everyone on the block. My car was 4 inches into his driveway, but not obstructing his exit in any way. That didn't stop him from calling in, on a Sunday, at 8 AM, an 88 dollar ticket. He also left a note "Your parking sucks, love, Greg." FML

by notgreg / 11/10/2009 at 10:59am / United States (California) / Money

Today, I rented a drill to a straight-up valley girl, with the speech affect, Von Dutch patrol cap and all. I tried to disabuse of her of the idea that aluminum is a form of steel. Apparently, that constitutes being a smartass, so she threw her change at me. FML

by Mack / 08/31/2009 at 12:06am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was talking with my mother. As we went to say goodbye, she said "I love you". Out of habit of saying I love you to my girlfriend, I said, "Love you too babe". FML

by _1CrazyEyes1_ / 04/07/2015 at 7:57pm / Virgin Islands, U.S. / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.