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Today, while visiting my widowed great aunt, she took out her wedding rings and talked about the love she and my uncle had. Smiling, I told her that one day I hope to have as happy a marriage as theirs. Her response? "Knowing you, I wouldn't count on it." My mother sat there agreeing. FML

#20189035
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19305) - you deserved it (2071)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:17am - misc - by Stupendous_ - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after weeks of begging, I finally got an interview at my dream job. Turns out, they only agreed to interview me because they thought I was someone else. FML

Today, I went into Whole Foods asking if they carried a supplement called Carnosine. The girl assisting me had no idea what it was, but asked, "Is this for weight loss?" FML

#19656281
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19301) - you deserved it (3990)

On 05/21/2012 at 8:10am - health - by medosin (woman) - Austria

Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML

#19123444
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19301) - you deserved it (3058)

On 02/20/2012 at 2:39pm - animals - by good_gravy (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML

#19770940
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19300) - you deserved it (2847)

On 06/11/2012 at 2:16pm - work - by bronieswillrule5eva (man) - Canada (Prince Edward Island)

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

#6394262
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19299) - you deserved it (3908)

On 11/21/2009 at 8:33pm - intimacy - by sleepwalker - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I went to school prepared to speak in front of a whole bunch of kids and talk about how great my middle school is. I spent an hour on the speech and took the 45 minute drive there. Turns out the coordinator of the school only called me in to pass out brochures. FML

Today, while feeling sick, I decided to go to a furniture store to sit down for a few minutes. I'm now the proud owner of an expensive, vomit-stained recliner. FML

Today, my husband told me to hold out my hand. He opened his, and in mine dropped a giant mutant tooth he had pulled a few months ago. FML

#8332517
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19297) - you deserved it (2263)

On 02/16/2010 at 6:51am - misc - by fmlpgh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files on it. I took it to my Dad, who is a computer analyst, to see if he could recover anything. The only thing that he could salvage was my illustrious collection of porn. FML

#125777
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19294) - you deserved it (60771)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my landlord decided to have people visit my apartment since I'm moving out next month. She had warned me about potential visitors this week but didn't specify when. I work the graveyard shift and apparently the fact that I was sleeping in my room during the visit didn't bother her at all. FML

Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said "nah, it's just a generic face". FML

#20022605
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19286) - you deserved it (9329)

On 08/15/2012 at 1:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I attended a funeral. During the minute of silence, my phone went off. My ringtone is "It's good to be alive". FML

#15616538
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19283) - you deserved it (53129)

On 04/03/2011 at 3:02am - misc - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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