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Today, while setting up for a party I was having, I put black lights into our bathroom for the cool bright, neon color you get when you pee. When I turn them on to see where I need to continue cleaning, I see many, small, yellow hand prints on the walls. I have a nine year old brother. FML

#13660294
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22066) - you deserved it (2761)

On 10/31/2010 at 5:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the street in downtown Charleston where there are a lot of horse-drawn carriage tours and I decided to pick up some litter. Some of it was in a puddle of water, but after I picked up the trash, I realized the puddle was horse urine. FML

#5953331
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22065) - you deserved it (8418)

On 10/23/2009 at 12:22am - animals - by Leash (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my husband informed me that his father adopted a dog. I replied "Cool," he then said, "She happens to have your name." I think my father in law is trying to send me a message. FML

#13615353
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22067) - you deserved it (2503)

On 10/27/2010 at 2:46pm - animals - by Florida - United States (California)

Today, I was at work, nonchalantly spinning my keys around my finger when they flew off and hit a glass cabinet. Broken glass showered passing customers. I don't think I'll have a job to go to tomorrow. FML

#16359885
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22061) - you deserved it (18439)

On 05/26/2011 at 5:26pm - work - by kernewek (man) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, I got an offer to study at a good university. My father has been pushing me to apply for years, so I ecstatically broke the news. Instead of congratulating me, he just grunted and delivered the more important news that he's divorcing my mum. Moment ruined. FML

#20443641
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22060) - you deserved it (1492)

On 01/05/2013 at 12:09pm - misc - by Sad nerd (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I got to listen while my grandma, who has dementia and therefore a poor memory, explained to me why the old man on TV was a sex god. She forgot everything once she said it. I got to listen to her explanation five times over. FML

#18942178
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22059) - you deserved it (2154)

On 01/29/2012 at 11:23am - misc - by scared for life (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML

#19805199
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22058) - you deserved it (3544)

On 06/18/2012 at 12:57am - love - by crazybitch - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after my annoying neighbor who used to spend hours playing the cello in the apartment below me finally moved out, I found out that I have a new musical neighbor moving in. This fellow plays the bagpipes. FML

#20067181
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22057) - you deserved it (2531)

On 09/11/2012 at 2:11am - misc - by PissedbythePiper (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

#13818432
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22054) - you deserved it (13189)

On 11/12/2010 at 7:30pm - intimacy - by penguins (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while working, a woman complained that she didn't ask for sauce on her sandwich. After examining the sandwich, I realized it was just melted cheese. When I told her, she threw the sandwich at me. FML

#20099296
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22052) - you deserved it (1446)

On 10/02/2012 at 11:33pm - work - by Sara (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was standing at the top of the stairs petting my dog. The doorbell rang and my dog bolted down the stairs, tripping me. I fell down the whole flight of stairs backwards. Turns out the person at the door was my brother who had locked himself out. I almost died for no reason. FML

#8118993
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22049) - you deserved it (4464)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:14am - love - by sari14 - United States (Virginia)

Today, while I was working at child care, I told a two year old not to hit. He threw a bucket at me that bounced off my forehead. FML

#12910984
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22049) - you deserved it (4281)

On 09/05/2010 at 12:44am - kids - by kaytay2469 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked out of my house wearing only boxers, only to be greeted by kids with paintball guns. FML

#17436127
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22051) - you deserved it (13556)

On 08/11/2011 at 12:53am - misc - by Username - United States



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