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Today, I overheard my co-workers referring to me as "Uncle Fester". This is apparently my nickname around the office, and has been for nearly three years. I had no idea. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2015 at 9:49pm / United States (West Virginia) / Work

Today, I discovered that my father is getting married. Overjoyed and confused because I didn't know he was dating, I called him up to congratulate him, and ask who she was. Apparently, his soon to be fiancée is my mother-in-law. My wife is not happy. FML

by Congrats? / 10/27/2015 at 11:16am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I returned to my university residence following spring break. I was greeted by a letter stating I'd been caught on camera vandalising a wall repair. At the time in question, I was asleep on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The REZ coordinator is avoiding me, and I can't clear my name. FML

by CutePenguin / 03/17/2012 at 6:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with his boss so he could get a promotion and "provide" for us. This from the guy who made me quit my job because he said he made enough money to support us both. FML

by dtack2tack / 07/09/2015 at 9:42am / United States / Love

Today, an old lady in public transport yelled at me and my dog, called me a liar, and threw her grape soda over me because according to her my pet Shiba Inu was actually a fox, and keeping foxes as pets is illegal. FML

by foxownerapperantly / 06/07/2015 at 5:48pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Transportation

Today, my husband decided that the best way to deal with me eating the last chocolate chip muffin was to give me the silent treatment. Normally, I'd just get over his childish behavior, but we're on a fifteen hour car trip back home with our one year old. FML

by twelfinity / 07/17/2011 at 12:00pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I attended a focus group. Since I've been unemployed for a month now I thought the $60 would come in handy. By the time I finished someone had broken into my car, stole my GPS and MP3 player. FML

by unlucky / 11/09/2009 at 10:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I boarded my flight and sat next to a man. I told him I had hoped he was a hot woman and he concurred. He said at least I wasn't obese and I replied "At least you aren't smelly". Minutes later I realize he had the most disgusting foot odour ever... the barefoot kind. I suffered for 11 hours. FML

by hatesmellyfeet / 01/20/2010 at 8:47am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I sent in an assignment from my batshit insane teacher. The assignment was to read a poem, analyze it, and make a comic of its plot. This would've been fine if the teacher who assigned it to me didn't teach math. FML

by bestnameright / 12/09/2012 at 10:53pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I discovered that my new college roommate not only makes casual conversation about his bowel movements, he also names them. FML

by Bill / 08/18/2011 at 7:44pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

by FML_Elle / 10/06/2012 at 11:52am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

by wtf / 01/30/2015 at 4:00am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I realised my girlfriend is the perfect woman for most men. She only ever talks to me in the intermissions on Modern Warfare 2; shame it's not me playing. FML

by sadf4x0r / 02/24/2010 at 12:27pm / United Kingdom (Kirklees) / Love