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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

#21300014
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22664) - you deserved it (3554)

On 11/16/2014 at 3:35am - health - by FlyLikeABird - United States (California)

Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML

#8540042
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22663) - you deserved it (3297)

On 02/22/2010 at 12:17am - love - by shwasted (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML

#20609406
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22663) - you deserved it (42260)

On 04/21/2013 at 2:20am - misc - by Human fly - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, during a slow dance, my date wrapped his arms around my waist. Right as I touched his neck he says, "Sorry, I'm slightly sweaty." He wasn't lying. For the longest two minutes of my life I was swimming in his sweat. FML

#19172113
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22662) - you deserved it (4129)

On 02/27/2012 at 12:12am - love - by SwimminginSweat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I talked to my crush for half an hour. It wasn't until I was home that I realised I had some remains of the sausage roll I ate an hour earlier spread all over my teeth. FML

#12860469
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22660) - you deserved it (7625)

On 09/01/2010 at 9:26pm - love - by Rollymouth - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was working at Tim Hortons. A lady was in line, and she couldnt make up her mind. 20 minutes later she finally decided to get something, and she reached in her pocket. I was hoping it was a tip, but she gave me a coupon for a haircut. FML

#6125529
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22659) - you deserved it (2585)

On 11/02/2009 at 8:15pm - misc - by justin_99 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad put in wall plug-ins that emit high frequencies that are suppose to ward off mice. I must be a mouse, because I can hear the annoying noise in every room I walk into. FML

#19031754
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22658) - you deserved it (1827)

On 02/09/2012 at 12:37am - misc - by Ihaveaheadache - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that my acne glows yellow and orange under black lights while in front of a wall of them at a club. FML

#19630499
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22658) - you deserved it (2352)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:43am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

#19945727
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22659) - you deserved it (2356)

On 07/16/2012 at 2:25pm - misc - by CantBlink - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I received a letter saying that I was accepted into university and that I qualified for a number of scholarships. Too bad an equivalent sum of money will be spent fixing the car I hit, after spinning out on ice, whilst driving home from said university. FML

#7413035
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22655) - you deserved it (4349)

On 01/18/2010 at 1:36am - misc - by trooper93 (man) - Canada

Today, it was my 16th birthday. My surprise was a new car, that is now in the side of the garage because my mom lost control while driving it around front. FML

#19464550
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22655) - you deserved it (3696)

On 04/14/2012 at 12:57am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I slipped on some ice and wrecked my back. When my husband and I went to go to bed, he begged me to take one of the pain pills left over from his recent surgery. Not so I could feel better and get some rest, but so he could have sex. FML

#21365511
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22656) - you deserved it (2353)

On 02/28/2015 at 9:47pm - intimacy - by k8thagr8 (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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