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Today, I went out to lunch with a couple of work buddies. Trying to be suave, I started hitting on our waitress. Not two seconds after saying, "Hey baby," I felt ice water on my balls. The guy next to me had spilled both our water glasses. FML

#17945907
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7085) - you deserved it (25126)

On 10/09/2011 at 7:28pm - love - by Slayer - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML

#20164153
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7085) - you deserved it (29848)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML

#19641
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7083) - you deserved it (33820)

On 02/10/2009 at 12:59am - misc - by Tennisplayer (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I pulled a neck muscle while head-banging. I wasn't at a concert, and I'm not in a heavy metal band, but I do pretend that I am while I'm in the shower. FML

#19744443
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7083) - you deserved it (12826)

On 06/06/2012 at 2:21pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was invited into a group chat on Skype. Everyone ignored everything I said, so I got pissed and started yelling at them. Then I realised my microphone wasn't plugged in right. FML

#17055624
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7082) - you deserved it (38245)

On 07/10/2011 at 5:41pm - misc - by Canuckster (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learned that you don't put your diamond earrings on over your bathroom sink. FML

#8915747
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7081) - you deserved it (28091)

On 03/08/2010 at 8:19am - misc - by what434 - United States

Today, I found out that the new management position I'm supposed to start in two days was delayed for a month and a half. I already quit my current job and called my boss gay. FML

#17801951
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7081) - you deserved it (34284)

On 09/22/2011 at 1:20am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

#19032748
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7081) - you deserved it (12018)

On 02/09/2012 at 6:29am - money - by thatgirl34 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a bunch of guys at work chased me down a corridor with a Febreze spray for smelling like I'd been "sleeping in a hollowed-out horse's carcass" and having "the personal hygiene of a billy goat." FML

#17283766
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7078) - you deserved it (36977)

On 07/28/2011 at 4:15am - work - by Champion the wonder horse - United States

Today, I saw that my ex-boyfriend was online and had no plans. I felt extreme happiness knowing he had no life. Then I realized that I was online and had no plans. FML

#13843258
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7077) - you deserved it (27961)

On 11/14/2010 at 6:09pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

#16016488
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7078) - you deserved it (41913)

On 05/02/2011 at 5:33am - misc - by Burnt (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

#20095198
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7075) - you deserved it (16960)

On 09/30/2012 at 1:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I was baking cookies. I stared at them for 15 minutes and finally asked my dad, "Why are these taking so long?" He looked up at the oven and replied, "It might help if you turn the oven on." FML

#17558329
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7073) - you deserved it (31933)

On 08/23/2011 at 2:18pm - misc - by Kendal - Canada (Ontario)



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