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Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML

#17644217
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24366) - you deserved it (8280)

On 09/02/2011 at 12:58pm - misc - by tryingtobepretty101 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my ex-boyfriend who I am still in love with sends me a text message that says "I miss you, baby". It turns out my name comes right after his girlfriend's name on his contact list. FML

#2236
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24366) - you deserved it (1897)

On 01/22/2009 at 5:47pm - love - by yeah... - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had food poisoning. When I was finally able to drag myself to the kitchen for some Gatorade, I got stung by a wasp. FML

#19575961
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24365) - you deserved it (2038)

On 05/05/2012 at 3:19am - health - by markzar - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boyfriend kept pressuring me to get it on. I told him I was self-conscious abut my stomach and didn't want him to see it. His response? My double chin doesn't keep him from kissing me. FML

#5638225
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24363) - you deserved it (7523)

On 10/04/2009 at 7:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at my place of work in a fast-food restaurant, a customer called in and bitched at me that her warm food was weirdly cold. That is, after she drove 45 minutes from the restaurant to her house. FML

#21423053
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24364) - you deserved it (1401)

On 06/08/2015 at 9:47pm - work - by frustratedandunderpaid - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML

#18972583
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24361) - you deserved it (3079)

On 02/01/2012 at 10:11pm - kids - by Bruce (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I went to a big job interview. Everything went well at first, with the interviewer being impressed by my CV. I was then interrogated over not having a Facebook account, and practically accused of being a criminal, because people without them "always have something to hide". FML

#20165792
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24359) - you deserved it (1704)

On 11/16/2012 at 6:59pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, my son surprised me on my birthday with tickets to a concert I really wanted to see. I was excited, especially since I planned to buy them but couldn't due to the fact it was too expensive. I was ecstatic, until I found out he'd stolen my credit card to buy them. FML

#20004451
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24358) - you deserved it (1909)

On 08/05/2012 at 7:25pm - kids - by Kolkata - Canada

Today, I discovered that when my professor had said "For every A there will be an F," he was deadly serious. I earned a 94% mark, which in this class is known as a D. FML

#19684129
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24359) - you deserved it (1764)

On 05/26/2012 at 3:34pm - misc - by dany - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was on a road-trip with some of my buddies, when we stopped at a gas station. When I opened the door to their bathroom, brown water flowed out, soaking my legs up to my knees. I then spent another 2 hours in an enclosed vehicle. FML

#7860912
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24356) - you deserved it (2054)

On 02/03/2010 at 10:18pm - misc - by UptoHERE (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice and we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML

#6706699
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24354) - you deserved it (3173)

On 12/11/2009 at 8:17am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got off work and checked my makeup in the mirror once I got in my car. I had a huge piece of spinach on my front tooth that no one told me about. I work the front desk of an upscale hotel and have been greeting guests all day. FML

#14575299
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24353) - you deserved it (4953)

On 01/14/2011 at 5:11am - work - by embarassed (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML

#12786559
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24352) - you deserved it (3576)

On 08/28/2010 at 12:04pm - health - by Firepants (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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