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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML

#923
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15627) - you deserved it (4620)

On 01/10/2009 at 3:21am - animals - by Crystal - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got home from a small vacation. Before I left, I set up cameras in my room to see if my roommate was stealing my money. Turns out she wasn't. However, she does borrow my personal "adult toy" whenever I'm out. FML

#6213926
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15623) - you deserved it (2479)

On 11/08/2009 at 4:11pm - intimacy - by grossedout (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I started a new job. I noticed all the beautiful women. Then I tripped on a cord running across the floor. They noticed me too. FML

#19605681
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15622) - you deserved it (4943)

On 05/11/2012 at 1:03am - work - by Brown345 (man) - United States

Today, I had to give a deposition ahead of a trial in which my former boss is accused of fraud. I'm not a smart man, and I smoked a joint before heading out to try to calm my nerves. I got way too high and ended up giggling like an idiot through half the deposition. FML

#21091940
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15617) - you deserved it (59948)

On 03/20/2014 at 5:03pm - misc - by screwed (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

#20138654
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15615) - you deserved it (3996)

On 10/29/2012 at 1:59pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

#20570299
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15609) - you deserved it (37530)

On 04/01/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Marco (man) - United States

Today, I made the mistake of telling my dentist that my dog died. She spent the next half-hour talking about her pets and how they died. I ended up crying in her dentist's chair. FML

#20045592
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15606) - you deserved it (2266)

On 08/28/2012 at 12:43am - animals - by anonya - United States (California)

Today, I was walking up some stairs, and I told the guy in front of me to be careful, as the handrail was loose and well-worn. I then put my hand on it, and promptly fell backwards down the stairs with a piece of handrail still in my hand. FML

#19651744
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15602) - you deserved it (5373)

On 05/20/2012 at 1:11pm - misc - by taob (woman) - China (Guangxi)

Today, I was driving my car like any ordinary day. My dad has been harping on me about not checking the oil, so I finally checked it. Driving down the road my hood flew up and shattered my windshield. I forgot to latch my hood after checking the oil. $300 for a new windshield. The oil was fine. FML

#899403
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15601) - you deserved it (53504)

On 04/10/2009 at 10:35am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I still can't find a job to support myself. The only experience I have is a month in retail and a summer spent in a kitchen de-pooping shrimp. FML

#19333832
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15598) - you deserved it (3206)

On 03/23/2012 at 5:46pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I forgot what I was doing while listening to a voicemail and started talking back to it. FML

#17918241
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15597) - you deserved it (7571)

On 10/06/2011 at 6:46am - misc - by xoccerplaya - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML

#7556761
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15594) - you deserved it (39865)

On 01/24/2010 at 10:31pm - misc - by Ben (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML

#19551468
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15591) - you deserved it (1430)

On 04/30/2012 at 12:44am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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