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Today, I was sitting at a bus stop reading a book when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a middle-aged lady in a leopard-skin coat stumble up to me. She stopped, belched twice, and unleashed a torrent of red wine colored vomit onto my bag. It was 8:45 am. FML

#20067411
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22147) - you deserved it (1248)

On 09/11/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I received a parking fine for $147. My car isn't even worth that much. FML

#19045980
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22145) - you deserved it (6916)

On 02/11/2012 at 2:03am - money - by jam - Australia

Today, my newly ex-fiancé, the father of my 5-year-old child, moved out of state with no warning. I just spent my last $500 paying off his car, and the rent is due tomorrow. FML

#20144316
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22145) - you deserved it (5336)

On 11/02/2012 at 12:35pm - love - by lilithfaye (woman) - United States

Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML

#7011501
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22143) - you deserved it (2527)

On 12/29/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by patrickRafael (man) - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

#8805892
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22141) - you deserved it (2659)

On 03/03/2010 at 7:36pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so I go to skip it but accidentally unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML

#121719
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22140) - you deserved it (52431)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:57am - intimacy - by Byron fiddles (man) - Hungary (Budapest)

Today, I realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with a girl than I have. FML

#7608615
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22140) - you deserved it (4660)

On 01/27/2010 at 6:55am - intimacy - by Patrick - United States (Illinois)

Today, my fiancé decided he wants a baby only because our dog is good, quiet, and falls asleep as soon as he starts to cradle her. He thinks a baby will be just like that. FML

#20445378
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22138) - you deserved it (2331)

On 01/06/2013 at 8:49pm - animals - by Twiggysucks68 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML

#20007279
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22137) - you deserved it (2306)

On 08/07/2012 at 5:19am - health - by TheCerealKiller - United States (California)

Today, I decided it would be pretty amusing to press the "Like" button on everyone's status on Facebook without reading them just to get on peoples' nerves. After re-reading them later, I found out one of them said "I MISS YOU SOO MUCH GRANDMOM. RIP". I liked that her grandmother died. FML

#316205
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22136) - you deserved it (187743)

On 03/14/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by like - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dad tried to convince my mother to stay with him. "Think of all the great times we've had," he said and started naming off quite a few. Too bad none of them were about the three kids they had together, all were vacations. FML

Today, I bought some beef jerky. As I put the first piece in my mouth, I thought to myself, "Wow, this is tough enough to break a tooth." It was. FML

#19816534
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22135) - you deserved it (3021)

On 06/20/2012 at 1:22am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

#19998610
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22135) - you deserved it (2127)

On 08/02/2012 at 3:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)



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