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Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6394) - you deserved it (22103)
On 12/28/2009 at 5:16am - intimacy - by Dontworryaboutit (man) - United States (New York)
Today, while making love to my boyfriend, my sister called my cell phone. Not wanting to face the consequences of not answering, I had a long conversation with her. My boyfriend kept going. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6391) - you deserved it (32916)
On 11/27/2010 at 9:48am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I used so many different perfume testers that I passed out on the bus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6391) - you deserved it (21257)
On 12/22/2011 at 1:04pm - health - by justnance - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I went on a walk. I like to crush acorns as I go. One nut was actually a piece of dog poop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6389) - you deserved it (12599)
On 01/09/2009 at 6:40am - animals - by Elizabeth - United States (Texas)
Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while working. Enraged by this, I trash talked her to the new girl at work. The new girl, a.k.a. my manager's daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6386) - you deserved it (45214)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:04am - work - by Don't text and work (woman) - Sent from mobile version
Today, I found out there's a rumor going around that my smoking hot co-worker and I had sex over the weekend. I'm not nearly as pissed off about the rumor as I am by the fact that I can't remember it because I was too drunk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6384) - you deserved it (17731)
On 09/12/2012 at 5:58pm - intimacy - by bruisedego31 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6381) - you deserved it (25585)
On 09/03/2011 at 5:24am - misc - by ol faithful (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I superglued my headphones back together. They weren't dry before I put them back in my ears. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6379) - you deserved it (34532)
On 08/28/2010 at 1:14am - misc - by Lozza111 - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I spent almost my entire English class turned on thinking that the hot girl next to me was playing footsie with me. That is until she stood up and I realized I had been rubbing my foot on her backpack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6375) - you deserved it (32184)
On 02/05/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by Kevin (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I tried to open a can with a potato peeler. For a minute I forgot what a can opener looked like. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6376) - you deserved it (13976)
On 01/27/2012 at 11:30am - misc - by maryfaithh (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I got my foot stuck in the car seat belt. I kept pulling to loosen it up but it just kept getting tighter till my foot was in the air, so I started panicking and eventually started crying. My boyfriend had to pull over and save me from a seat belt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6375) - you deserved it (15299)
On 03/29/2012 at 2:33am - misc - by greeneyedpothead - United States (California)
Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6365) - you deserved it (22985)
On 03/07/2010 at 10:08pm - misc - by Numbnuts (man) - United States (California)
Today, I found out that it is never, ever a good idea to put a band-aid of any kind on your penis, because eventually you will have to take it off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6362) - you deserved it (35823)
On 02/14/2011 at 12:31am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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