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Today, I am exhausted and can barely move after being up all night taking care of my drunk and vomiting husband. He, on the other hand, feels much better and is bounding with energy. FML

#19800781
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19843) - you deserved it (2574)

On 06/17/2012 at 8:34am - health - by Shenza - United States (New York)

Today, I trimmed my beard. When I showed my wife, she said, "Yeah, but you still look like a serial killer." FML

#19797072
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19843) - you deserved it (4638)

On 06/16/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by Schaf_12 (man) - Austria (Wien)

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

#19914147
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19838) - you deserved it (10613)

On 07/09/2012 at 11:09am - love - by randomguy (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

#19602885
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19836) - you deserved it (4570)

On 05/10/2012 at 3:14pm - misc - by Amy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my grandpa came over to help paint our house, as we are renovating it. The only paint clothes he decided to wear were his underpants. The neighbours and builders found this quite amusing. FML

#14706670
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19835) - you deserved it (2425)

On 01/25/2011 at 4:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to give a speech but I wasn't prepared. I decided to give it anyway. While giving the speech, I got so nervous I passed out. FML

#8770202
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19834) - you deserved it (7722)

On 03/02/2010 at 9:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, while I was out shopping, my pants decided that they just didn't have enough holes in them, and ripped a new one in the crotch. FML

#18864007
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19834) - you deserved it (4862)

On 01/20/2012 at 6:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - France

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

Today, I called my mum, crying because of my low self-esteem. She interrupted my sobs by saying, "Can I hang up now? The phone's getting hot." FML

#19567483
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19832) - you deserved it (5271)

On 05/03/2012 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, a police officer came to talk to the kids at my workplace. He asked what they wanted to hear about first. A group of them shouted, "The donuts, tells us about the donuts." Apparently these idiots are the future of my country. FML

#19812468
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19831) - you deserved it (4401)

On 06/19/2012 at 12:08pm - kids - by Joseph N - United States

Today, I walked past a church with a bunch of people standing outside waiting for the bride and groom to walk out. When the church doors opened, I yelled congratulations as loud as I could. It was a funeral. FML

#811533
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19829) - you deserved it (73482)

On 04/05/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by oops (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I fell asleep on the train, totally wiped out after last night's party, which involved lots of booze and spicy Indian food. I wake up and notice a small boy staring at me, so I smiled at him. He turned to his father and said, "Daddy, the farting man has just woken up." FML

#947
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19827) - you deserved it (7941)

On 01/10/2009 at 9:11pm - kids - by mark - Sent from mobile version

Today, I forgot what I was doing while listening to a voicemail and started talking back to it. FML

#17918241
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19826) - you deserved it (9977)

On 10/06/2011 at 6:46am - misc - by xoccerplaya - United States (Hawaii)



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