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Today, I had to spend the morning and afternoon waiting for my uncle to take a crap after his hernia surgery. It never happened, and in the end I drove home, only to find the highway just as backed up as my uncle's colon. FML

#17697581
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19342) - you deserved it (2665)

On 09/08/2011 at 4:47pm - health - by wilmerjean - United States

Today, my fiancé picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathroom was set up in such a way that he can drink himself in to a stupor, then use the toilet and puke in the sink at the same time. FML

#8891983
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19342) - you deserved it (5025)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:25pm - love - by ohshit (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

#20498986
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19340) - you deserved it (39934)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, my mom asked all the old ladies in her church to pray that I meet "someone special". FML

#1104
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19338) - you deserved it (1710)

On 01/14/2009 at 9:26am - love - by beekie9 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad offered to take me and my sister to school because we just moved houses. On the way, he asked us why we looked so tired. We just said we were tired from moving house. Truth is, our room is right next to theirs. We heard everything. Loud and clear. FML

#6604367
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19333) - you deserved it (1852)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

#15333405
377 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19334) - you deserved it (88490)

On 03/16/2011 at 3:31am - intimacy - by eric - United States

Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML

#689
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19330) - you deserved it (6976)

On 01/03/2009 at 3:38am - misc - by sm@rtie - Sent from mobile version

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

#6596856
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19328) - you deserved it (5907)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:48am - intimacy - by Not-so-sexy - United States (Washington)

Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML

#740213
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19325) - you deserved it (73537)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by whatashame (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

#13108998
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19325) - you deserved it (12570)

On 09/19/2010 at 2:21am - animals - by jillydark6609 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I found out that even though your brother agrees to watch your dogs for a week, it does not mean that he will pick up after them. Apparently, it's okay to leave piss and shit all over the deck and floors because they're not his dogs and he shouldn't have to clean up their messes. FML

#20120904
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19323) - you deserved it (3524)

On 10/17/2012 at 11:53am - animals - by JennyPenny (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

#8119072
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19322) - you deserved it (4574)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was getting ready to perform a speech in anthropology on the globalization of public transportation and how it brings cultures together. On the bus ride there, the girls behind me were discussing ways to hide their track marks after injecting. FML

#17868500
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19321) - you deserved it (2423)

On 09/30/2011 at 12:50am - work - by nearlythere - Australia



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