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Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on the toilet, and then had to give my boss a valid reason for why I was late. FML

#18181534
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21109) - you deserved it (4574)

On 11/07/2011 at 1:49am - work - by Courtney - United States (Texas)

Today, I was babysitting a four-year-old girl, when I came across a toy that sang the Macarena. For fun, I decided to teach her the dance. When she showed her parents, instead of putting her hands on her backside and turning, she decided to bend over and moon them. FML

#19856741
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21108) - you deserved it (2597)

On 06/27/2012 at 4:48pm - kids - by fired (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I had to explain to a patient that no, her nipples were not slowly getting smaller. FML

#17958269
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21107) - you deserved it (2133)

On 10/11/2011 at 5:43am - work - by Anony-moose (woman) - United States

Today, I went out for a few drinks with some friends. All night, I kept smiling and showing off my newly brace-free teeth. Later on, one of my friends drunkly asked, "Why does she keep smiling? Her teeth are fucking jacked." FML

#20122439
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21106) - you deserved it (2588)

On 10/18/2012 at 12:26pm - health - by murp (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my roommate pressed "snooze" on his alarm 14 times. I counted. FML

#20200321
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21105) - you deserved it (2181)

On 12/11/2012 at 10:57am - misc - by roommateprobssss:( - United States

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to sneak out. As I was climbing out of my 3rd floor window, he got a text and moved the ladder. Now I'm in the hospital with two broken ribs. FML

#16382650
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21103) - you deserved it (32768)

On 05/28/2011 at 2:45am - love - by epicfail (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the only card I got for Valentine's Day was in my mother's handwriting, and she posted it through the front door herself. She still won't admit it's from her. FML

#19072071
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21103) - you deserved it (2381)

On 02/14/2012 at 6:56am - love - by ThanksMum (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML

#19948204
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21102) - you deserved it (1817)

On 07/17/2012 at 12:54am - misc - by anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my five year old sister won't stop saying, "shit buckle fuckle ton." My boyfriend's excuse was that he was teaching her how to rhyme. FML

#21303585
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21116) - you deserved it (2203)

On 11/21/2014 at 10:29pm - kids - by angkal2002 - Australia

Today, I reached a new level of commitment in my relationship with my boyfriend. This happened when he pooped on the side of the road beside my truck, while talking and making eye contact with me while wiping. FML

#19661428
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21100) - you deserved it (2754)

On 05/22/2012 at 8:21am - love - by ordinaryday - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML

#15932623
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21098) - you deserved it (46651)

On 04/26/2011 at 9:56am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I bought weed for the first time. The dealer was an undercover cop. FML

Today, I was greeting customers at work. After saying good morning to one man, he stopped and looked at me from head to toe before smirking and saying, "Mmmm." He then turned around and said, "It's starting." It's only my first day. FML

#18912868
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21095) - you deserved it (2305)

On 01/25/2012 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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