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Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML

#18129165
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24786) - you deserved it (22179)

On 11/01/2011 at 1:52pm - misc - by bakedplum (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML

#18236963
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24786) - you deserved it (2269)

On 11/13/2011 at 12:10pm - love - by mandie - United States (Louisiana)

Today, while cuddling, my boyfriend excused himself to get a napkin. When he came back, he nervously admitted he'd got a booger in my hair. He then couldn't get it completely out. FML

#18628918
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24786) - you deserved it (2420)

On 12/27/2011 at 9:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I accidentally sent my teacher a picture of me in my boyfriend's boxers instead of my essay. FML

#21334385
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24785) - you deserved it (18865)

On 01/10/2015 at 9:35am - misc - by kb (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was sitting on the train wondering what that putrid smell was. As I got off the train I realized there was vomit all over the back of my seat. FML

#8082566
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24783) - you deserved it (4042)

On 02/10/2010 at 6:47am - love - by kstaa - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, it was my twenty-first birthday, and a couple of friends took me out to celebrate. After ordering us shots throughout the night, my friends took off abruptly, leaving me with my very first bar tab. FML

Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML

#19987541
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24784) - you deserved it (7292)

On 07/27/2012 at 3:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Ostfold)

Today, I laid in bed until 3am kept up by a house party. In my own house. Which my housemates didn't invite me to. FML

#21425804
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24784) - you deserved it (3013)

On 06/14/2015 at 4:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I got a haircut, and after thanking the stylist I went up front to pay. The lady behind the counter took one look at me, smiled and said "well, now you'll need a hat." FML

#7196833
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24782) - you deserved it (2323)

On 01/07/2010 at 9:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to Ikea with my family. I was wearing a yellow polo that vaguely looked like the ones the Ikea employees were wearing. Two dozen people came up to me, complaining that I was staring at furniture instead of helping customers. FML

#13698709
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24779) - you deserved it (11491)

On 11/03/2010 at 6:43am - misc - by MissIsabel - Sent from mobile version

Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

#17360592
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24778) - you deserved it (3757)

On 08/03/2011 at 10:43pm - kids - by CrappyLuck - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I noticed a little white ball in the corner of my bedroom ceiling. I guess it had been there for a while already, but the teeming mass of baby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML

#19612564
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24778) - you deserved it (3108)

On 05/12/2012 at 4:48pm - animals - by aliqi (man) - United States

Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on how to properly put on a condom. She doesn't trust me. FML

#13764909
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24774) - you deserved it (7861)

On 11/08/2010 at 1:23pm - intimacy - by wow (man) - United States (Illinois)



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