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Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML

#18038155
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24534) - you deserved it (2808)

On 10/21/2011 at 11:35am - animals - by Mr.P - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

#20104191
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24535) - you deserved it (1961)

On 10/06/2012 at 11:52am - misc - by FML_Elle - United States

Today, I took my daughter to the library instead of the pool. I sat her on the counter and, while I reached for my library card, she turned to the librarian and said "We didn't go to the pool today because Mum has hairy legs." FML

#14459549
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24529) - you deserved it (11962)

On 01/04/2011 at 3:05am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I asked my classmate to look over my essay. His comments were longer than the essay itself. FML

#21398217
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24529) - you deserved it (4978)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:53pm - misc - by englishornah (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was really excited to be observing my first autopsy for my forensics class. Apparently so was the guy behind me. He barfed up ramen noodles all over my hair and back. I couldn't leave the room to clean up. For two hours. FML

#8313100
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24528) - you deserved it (1560)

On 02/15/2010 at 8:25pm - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my sister-in-law is getting married. She is one of my best friends, and was my maid of honor when I got married. She's asked me to serve punch at hers. FML

Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML

#20020463
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24526) - you deserved it (2021)

On 08/14/2012 at 11:02am - love - by WELLFUCKYOUTOO (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home to find my 25 year old boyfriend laughing hysterically at his laptop while he made Microsoft Sam say "feces", "penis", and "diarrhea". FML

#14150271
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24525) - you deserved it (8286)

On 12/10/2010 at 2:17am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my entire family came over for thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fist fight and only one cop car was called. FML

#18341850
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24526) - you deserved it (1910)

On 11/24/2011 at 9:49pm - misc - by guy - United States

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

#20633236
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24525) - you deserved it (43879)

On 04/30/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was at work when a customer, who was going to pay for her groceries, started sorting through her money. She put some coins in her mouth, seemed to suck on them for a while, and then gave them to me. FML

#19712104
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24521) - you deserved it (1555)

On 05/31/2012 at 9:20pm - work - by Elmoo - Netherlands

Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying "that's what she said" after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML

#17760005
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24519) - you deserved it (2093)

On 09/16/2011 at 8:25pm - work - by Mandy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML

#18235563
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24517) - you deserved it (5742)

On 11/13/2011 at 7:46am - love - by notthatkinkyanyway - China (Beijing)



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