Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2010 at 3:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML

by GnarCarBar / 09/12/2011 at 7:03pm / United States / Animals

Today, my science class found out that I have OCD and that one of my rituals is to cough when others cough. This is going to be a long year. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2012 at 11:09pm / United States (New York) / Geek

Today, my boyfriend decided to take me out bowling. My mom was going to take us. My parents ended up bowling with us. I had a double date with my parents. FML

by shininghayley / 02/15/2010 at 1:14am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got through to the phone interview stage for a great job. When the phone rang, I answered and suddenly, spontaneously, burped really loudly. The interviewer hung up. FML

by urrrppp / 03/26/2010 at 5:44am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Work

Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML

by ktwithaq / 10/18/2010 at 7:27am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

by Partners / 06/22/2015 at 3:55pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to blow-dry the sweat off her armpits instead of showering. FML

by crazydaughter / 04/12/2012 at 8:51am / Egypt / Kids

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

by carl_carl_ / 07/13/2015 at 11:10am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2015 at 12:46pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Health

Today, my father lectured me for dating a man with "no future", even though he's entering a PhD program next year at a top university. Meanwhile, my dad's last relationship was with a 20-year-old hooker who ended up stealing his credit cards. FML

by WayToGoDaddyHo / 07/08/2015 at 2:17am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked outside to see my dog killing my cat. My spouse tried to cheer me up - "Hey, at least we don't have to buy cat food anymore!" FML

by Wow / 08/01/2015 at 3:06pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

by Sparks / 03/13/2011 at 3:39am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous