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Today, I came home sick. After a while I received a text message. I thought it was a sweet 'how are you baby?' from my boyfriend. It wasn't. He sent: 'Hey, I'm going to work now. Please do not disturb. Thank you!' FML

#13861090
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16731) - you deserved it (3982)

On 11/16/2010 at 1:34am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, my teacher wore a bikini at the pool. She is 68. FML

#20153506
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16731) - you deserved it (2790)

On 11/07/2012 at 1:39pm - work - by Owen - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML

#1813
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16730) - you deserved it (1052)

On 01/20/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML

#5060
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16730) - you deserved it (6212)

On 02/01/2009 at 11:31pm - animals - by Noname - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my fiancé and I had a fight because he wouldn't let me get what I wanted to eat, even though it was my money. He said, "It's way too many calories. I'm supposed to help you lose weight." When I pointed out that I had given up a month ago, he looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can tell." FML

#16408743
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16729) - you deserved it (42753)

On 05/29/2011 at 9:59pm - misc - by hs (woman) - United States

Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML

#1689
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16726) - you deserved it (2202)

On 01/19/2009 at 12:32am - health - by spoony - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I volunteered to be my brother's designated driver. I told him throughout the night that I wasn't drinking, but he ended up leaving me at the bar and going to his friend's house in a cab for more drinks, taking my keys along with him. FML

#19577517
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16726) - you deserved it (3172)

On 05/05/2012 at 2:12pm - misc - by leftoutdrunk - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

#2685483
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16723) - you deserved it (70775)

On 06/07/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by zep (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, it was very windy and snowy and the neighborhoods garbage cans were blowing everywhere. I had already brought mine in and I saw my neighbor's being blown away. Thinking I'd be nice, I went out to pick it up. Just before I could however, the wind smashed it into me and I fell on the ice. FML

#7674410
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16722) - you deserved it (2004)

On 01/29/2010 at 1:59pm - misc - by Dana (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I pulled out a book and my bookmark fell out. My crush picked it up and a weird look came across his face. I then realized I had used toilet paper. Now I'm the girl who reads while taking dumps. FML

#20031031
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16717) - you deserved it (5650)

On 08/20/2012 at 12:03am - misc - by Cottagecheeseha (woman) - United States (California)

Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead. FML

#966838
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16716) - you deserved it (83233)

On 04/14/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by seussical65 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in the shower, when I heard my daughter scream and shout, "Mommy, mommy! Help! Come quick!" I panicked and rushed downstairs without even looking for a towel to cover myself, all so I could find out she'd just gotten a piece of dirt on her shoe. FML

#19881978
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16717) - you deserved it (1763)

On 07/02/2012 at 5:17pm - kids - by Sh*t (woman) - Venezuela (Distrito Federal)

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML

#19910380
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16715) - you deserved it (6383)

On 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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