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Today, I laced up my fabulous new boots and walked outside to find my hot neighbor, with whom I carpool every morning. I struck a pose, feeling quite confident. Upon taking my first step down the stairs, I fell forward. I woke up an hour later with 7 stitches in my head. FML

#233704
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16667) - you deserved it (30091)

On 03/07/2009 at 12:16pm - misc - by Triple F (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I got a flat tire. The spare was also flat, so I had no other choice but to walk home. I got to my house and realized I'd left the front door key and garage clicker in my car 5 miles away. FML

#20044019
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16668) - you deserved it (8180)

On 08/27/2012 at 3:29am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my car alarm went off so I went outside to investigate. Apparently, the abundant rain water in my street had swept a trash can five houses down, only to be stopped by my car. My bumper was dented by a run-away waste receptacle. FML

#7837909
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16665) - you deserved it (1859)

On 02/03/2010 at 1:27am - misc - by rainey (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the bank to get a temporary debit card since I lost my wallet a week ago. On my drive across the street from the bank to the DMV a car slammed into mine at the intersection, nearly totaling my car. The movie theater I went to last week just called and said they'd found my wallet. FML

#13957675
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16666) - you deserved it (2242)

On 11/24/2010 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I heard the sound of footsteps in the basement. Thinking it was burglars I grabbed a baseball bat and hurried down the stairs. I then tripped on the stairs, fell down them and smacked my head on the bat. The sound of footsteps I heard? It was my cat playing in some cardboard boxes. FML

#7775610
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16663) - you deserved it (4979)

On 02/01/2010 at 8:45am - animals - by dontbadouche - Senegal

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months told me he was not going to celebrate Valentine's day because it was a "capitalistic consumerism holiday". He works in a bank and helps "capitalism consumerism" 364 days a year. FML

#8043963
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16658) - you deserved it (3648)

On 02/09/2010 at 4:49am - misc - by Brokenheartz - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

#6401291
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16658) - you deserved it (2918)

On 11/22/2009 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Arachnaphobic (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was feeling rebellious, I decided to procrastinate instead of studying for my really important English test tomorrow. I was having a pretty good time until I realized my idea of procrastinating was cleaning my TI-83 graphing calculator with rubbing alcohol and Q-tips. FML

#2069131
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16656) - you deserved it (45600)

On 05/19/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was at work, reading some funny stories on my phone. Just as one of my co-workers decided to share that his father had passed away recently, I burst into uncontrollable, teary-eyed laughter at a story. They don't believe my explanation, and have branded me the office asshole. FML

#19738817
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16659) - you deserved it (7267)

On 06/05/2012 at 2:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, feeling desperate, I asked my dad for advice on how to get a girl. He asked me why I want to even date. I panicked and said I just wanted to make someone happy. He told me that if I wanted to make someone happy, I should "just start by getting a goddamn vasectomy". FML

#19574398
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16655) - you deserved it (2055)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:01pm - love - by AnonymousUser (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was texting my boyfriend, making plans to see him tomorrow. He ended the conversation by saying "I'm changing my sheets tomorrow, so take a shower." FML

#5892198
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16647) - you deserved it (5223)

On 10/19/2009 at 3:26am - intimacy - by Shower? - Sent from mobile version

Today, just another casual morning. I went to go drop a deuce in the bathroom. Barely being awake I didn't notice my roommates had put glad wrap between the seat and toilet, so i got piss and shit all over me. FML

#2285
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16642) - you deserved it (4138)

On 01/23/2009 at 5:45am - misc - by ohn0es - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to a strip club with friends. After accepting a dance offer from a cute girl, we went to the back room where she sat in my lap and told how I creeped her out because I looked like her ex-boyfriend. She talked the whole time. I paid $22 to get in the friend zone with a stripper. FML

#13618340
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16642) - you deserved it (19922)

On 10/27/2010 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)



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