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Today, after years of lobbying for a travel job, I'm finally in Africa. Everything I eat or drink comes violently back out both directions. When I don't eat or drink, I pass out. Essentially I have to choose between illness and consciousness. Hello, fabulous new job. FML

#19714099
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22939) - you deserved it (6226)

On 06/01/2012 at 4:41am - health - by sicksicksick (woman) - Senegal

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

#15702397
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22936) - you deserved it (11844)

On 04/09/2011 at 12:01am - health - by FistFighter (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I snuck out of the house to go to a party. When I got back later, I tried climbing back up the rope-ladder I'd set up earlier, leading back through my bedroom window. I was halfway up when it broke free. I sprained both my ankles and had to shamefully ring the doorbell to get back in. FML

#21150371
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22935) - you deserved it (50476)

On 05/24/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by groundedasfuck - United States (Alabama)

Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my girlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML

#4880927
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22934) - you deserved it (54239)

On 08/28/2009 at 11:08am - love - by fmlll (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

#6078345
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22935) - you deserved it (4740)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:34am - animals - by catwoman (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML

#8031607
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22935) - you deserved it (4762)

On 02/08/2010 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by unsatisfied - Sent from mobile version

Today, my grad student husband was unusually frisky in the middle of the day. I took the opportunity and we had an enjoyable afternoon romp. Afterward, I asked him what had gotten him in such a good mood. He replied, "I'd do just about anything to get out of doing my homework." FML

#13213311
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22933) - you deserved it (3553)

On 09/26/2010 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by amorousintx - United States

Today, I discovered something more dangerous than drivers who text: drivers who break your car windows with a bat while stopped at a red light. FML

#19514212
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22930) - you deserved it (1844)

On 04/22/2012 at 11:00pm - misc - by AngryLittleMan - United States

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

#5847643
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22929) - you deserved it (5822)

On 10/16/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by rugernut13 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was told to shovel four inches of snow from my driveway. I had to get the snow shovel from the rafters of my garage, and there were other tools with it. As I was yanking the shovel down, a pickax fell and smashed through the back window of my dad's Buick. FML

#7016410
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22928) - you deserved it (5231)

On 12/29/2009 at 3:26pm - misc - by Charlie8u347 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my cat didn't quite manage to eat the whole turkey because it was frozen. He just licked it all over. FML

#615
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22926) - you deserved it (4590)

On 12/28/2008 at 2:02am - animals - by bundie - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder. Right as the bus reached my stop, the time I spent holding it in was over. I didn't make it out of the aisle before I peed my pants. FML

#13145145
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22926) - you deserved it (6724)

On 09/21/2010 at 6:16pm - health - by forgotten (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was so lonely, I tried to hold hands with plastic "horror hand" I bought for Halloween. FML

#17734152
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22926) - you deserved it (8196)

On 09/13/2011 at 2:11am - love - by Penkkis (woman) - Finland (Lapland)



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