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Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

#21346702
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23782) - you deserved it (1898)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I found a parking ticket on my car. Out of five cars who were in violation of the same infraction, I was the only one who received a ticket. FML

#13538195
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23781) - you deserved it (8225)

On 10/21/2010 at 3:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I got a nose bleed in the ladies bathroom. An old lady comes out of a stall and says, "Oh, your nose is bleeding. Well I shit my pants. I'm sure it'll come out in the wash." FML

#17100769
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23781) - you deserved it (2235)

On 07/13/2011 at 11:15pm - health - by stephiew - United States (Georgia)

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

#3469
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23780) - you deserved it (3406)

On 01/29/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, I was bagging my groceries when I accidentally smacked myself in the face with a box of popsicles, giving myself a nose bleed. I found out that the cashier hates the sight of blood when she passed out behind the register. They called security on me. FML

Today, I rang British Gas to cancel my boiler cover, as I'm totally and utterly skint. I told her the reason was I was getting divorced, moving house, losing my job and had no income at all. She was very sympathetic, and said "how would you like to pay your £37 cancellation fee?" FML

#6343049
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23778) - you deserved it (3463)

On 11/17/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by shellbom (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I went to visit my alcoholic father. He remembered to ask me how my dog Reggie is, but could not remember the name of "my pal." My "pal" is also my wife of four years. FML

#17674515
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23778) - you deserved it (2049)

On 09/05/2011 at 9:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML

#20164653
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23778) - you deserved it (1564)

On 11/15/2012 at 7:36pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a poor helpless cat in the middle of the road while driving. I pulled over and scooped it in my arms to bring it to safety. Not only did I get mauled and scratched by the cat, my car also wasn't put in park and rolled away hitting a parked car. FML

#4967264
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23777) - you deserved it (35279)

On 09/01/2009 at 12:00am - animals - by polish_chik - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the grocery store, and I realized that all I bought was cat food and $30 worth of protein bars. Yes, I have become THAT single woman. FML

#7560718
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23775) - you deserved it (6515)

On 01/25/2010 at 12:33am - love - by Phoenix0614 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got tased, with the same taser I bought my girlfriend to use on people trying to rob her. FML

#12687636
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23775) - you deserved it (7691)

On 08/22/2010 at 7:33pm - misc - by Nick - Sent from mobile version

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

#14205128
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23772) - you deserved it (20596)

On 12/14/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I am now in charge of driving my friends home after they had an awesome night. FML

#13081151
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23772) - you deserved it (8671)

On 09/17/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by happy bday - Canada (Alberta)



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