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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I asked my mom if she could buy me some anti-nausea medicine. She said, "You just have a stomach ache. It's not like you're throwing up." As she said it, I threw up everything but my childhood memories. She still wouldn't get any medicine. FML

Today, I realised that my friend hasn't spoken to me for a week. A week ago I politely explained to her that I really don't believe in horoscopes, and asked her at the time to stop systematically using my star-sign to explain my behaviour. FML

#20476356
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25252) - you deserved it (4486)

On 01/24/2013 at 11:37am - misc - by notsuperstitious (woman) - Finland

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

#267368
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25248) - you deserved it (77256)

On 03/11/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by theassman (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after six months of dating, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because my "obsession" of being on the computer and playing games all the time was cutting into "our time". She then told me to "get a life" and never wanted to see me again. She told me all of this on WoW. FML

#4911322
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25245) - you deserved it (48317)

On 08/29/2009 at 6:20pm - love - by zuper_duper (man) - United States (California)

Today, while in my drama class, my character in a play has to quickly jump up out from his desk. Somehow, my shirt got caught on the desk, ripping it almost completely off in front of a live audience. FML

#13810188
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25245) - you deserved it (2928)

On 11/12/2010 at 12:41am - misc - by me - United States

Today, my fiancé heard I was having a rotten day at work. He stopped by the flower shop and bought me a lovely rose which I put right next to my work station. That is until a giant wasp flew out and stung me. I still have a swollen arm hours later. FML

#21433819
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25245) - you deserved it (1968)

On 06/29/2015 at 1:30pm - love - by rinakitty94 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, our airplane was delayed because of issues with the de-ice-ing. Then, because it had too little fuel. Then, because of engine troubles. Then, because our first officer needed to be replaced due to legal restrictions on pilots' hours. Now, I get to go straight from the plane to work. FML

#7095154
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25243) - you deserved it (2056)

On 01/02/2010 at 12:33am - work - by JSterl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my best friend came over for dinner and a movie. Moments after arriving, she spent an hour on the phone, and ended up accepting another invitation before leaving. I guess it's dinner for one tonight. FML

#14686261
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25243) - you deserved it (2300)

On 01/23/2011 at 1:44pm - misc - by Username - United States (Arizona)

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

#20477055
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25243) - you deserved it (48360)

On 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by chase (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I went sledding with my friends. I said I was tired and didn't want to go, but they press-ganged me into it. I ended up sledding right into a tree, fracturing my leg, and scraping up my entire face. FML

#20520149
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25243) - you deserved it (4798)

On 02/24/2013 at 12:36pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I got more turned on by the idea of sex with my boyfriend than actually doing it. FML

#19219100
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25242) - you deserved it (3725)

On 03/05/2012 at 3:45am - intimacy - by LittleRed (woman) - United States

Today, I ran into an old friend, and she remarked how she couldn't believe we hadn't seen each other in a year. Except not only did I attend her baby shower a few weeks ago, I spent hundreds of dollars on a unique gift. FML

#20174439
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25242) - you deserved it (2580)

On 11/22/2012 at 9:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home to find that all my porn magazines have been "censored" with a black sharpie. FML

#15874125
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25238) - you deserved it (53119)

On 04/21/2011 at 2:30pm - intimacy - by Username - United States



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