Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML

#19411033
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20250) - you deserved it (11733)

On 04/05/2012 at 7:29am - misc - by Nadaz (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

#17080549
528 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20249) - you deserved it (52227)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States

Today, I ran to catch the train, but slipped on the stairs and fell on my shoulder. However, my effort was rendered useless; it wasn't even my train. FML

#14166770
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20248) - you deserved it (4715)

On 12/11/2010 at 2:32pm - misc - by cmzraxsn (man) - United Kingdom (East Lothian)

Today, my dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the first time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico covers a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. FML

Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML

#20083358
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20244) - you deserved it (2991)

On 09/22/2012 at 10:12am - animals - by Grauncho - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was getting ready to go out when I noticed that after several months of annoyance, the faucet stopped dripping. I started to dance around my bathroom when all of a sudden I slipped and hit my head on the sink. The faucet is dripping again. FML

#7034153
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20242) - you deserved it (12503)

On 12/30/2009 at 11:34am - misc - by dripping sink - United States

Today, I was kicked out of my review lecture at community college, for "being a disturbance and refusing to stop whistling." I wasn't even given a chance to explain that I have a cold. FML

#19382867
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20241) - you deserved it (2060)

On 03/31/2012 at 2:53pm - misc - by Alyssa - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I would still care for her if she was a vegetable. She informed me that if I was a potato, she would cut me into chips. And fry me. FML

#19459433
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20241) - you deserved it (6387)

On 04/13/2012 at 12:46am - love - by jesifairy - Australia

Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML

#1423979
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20238) - you deserved it (57237)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:47pm - misc - by fuckspellcheck (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML

#20153273
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20237) - you deserved it (2037)

On 11/07/2012 at 10:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my mom told me she can't wait for me to turn eighteen so she can turn my room into a place for her to display all her antique glass dolls. FML

#8999294
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20236) - you deserved it (2084)

On 03/11/2010 at 4:07pm - misc - by heartless (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went into hospital and was being treated by a really cute doctor. Not knowing that I was going to end up here, I put on novelty underwear this morning. Well, at least he found the little green glow-in-the-dark skulls amusing. FML

#18402920
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20235) - you deserved it (5139)

On 12/01/2011 at 12:09pm - misc - by Hot Pants (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I went to buy some Ibuprofen and got asked for ID. You have to be over 16 to buy it. I'm 25. FML

#2946
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20234) - you deserved it (2390)

On 01/28/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by noneoftheabove - United Kingdom (Nottingham)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: