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Today, my boyfriend gave me a $100 gift card for Victoria's Secret. Suspicious, I checked the receipt he'd left in the bag. Turns out he had bought it during the 2 weeks we were broken up for some other girl who rejected him, so decided to give it to me instead. FML

by Anonymous / 04/08/2012 at 8:13pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, after a little detective work, I found out the money that recently went missing from my college fund was transferred by my mother, to her own account. She claims it's to pay a parking ticket. Maybe I'm just stupid, but I didn't know they fined people over $3,500 for a parking violation. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 6:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money

Today, walking to work in a snowstorm since I don't own a car, a man rolled down his window and screamed, "what are you doing you f***ing freak? you stupid b**ch!", while I waited for a green light to cross. FML

by likwidsol / 01/28/2009 at 2:21pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my mom made me teach my delusional gran web browsing. I barely made it to YouTube before she sneered at me, and told me to "stop pissing about before I smash your face in." Two hours and multiple slaps later, she still doesn't get what a URL is, and I fear for my life. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 8:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my drunken roommate asleep in my bed, naked, after he'd peed himself. FML

by shit / 01/30/2009 at 11:40pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, after being single for a while now, I unwillingly went on a blind date with a guy my friend convinced me would be perfect for me. He took me to McDonald's; his father was with him the whole entire time. He is 27. FML

by N / 11/26/2012 at 10:13pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Love

Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML

by Nikki / 04/04/2009 at 11:40pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a new Ipod to replace my old one which decided to stop working. After purchasing my new nano Ipod, I decided to bang my old Ipod on the desk very hard because it was useless. It started working again. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2010 at 11:51am / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Geek

Today, I went to a party 40 minutes away by bus with some friends. We missed the bus, waited half an hour for the second, and arrived just in time to hear the policemen say, "Party's over. Get outta here." FML

by inthecold / 02/19/2011 at 12:41am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, after sex, my boyfriend and I lay in bed for a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice for post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. FML

by cl4ptp / 08/14/2012 at 8:17am / United Kingdom (Vale of Glamorgan, The) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my daughter's "pen pal" is really a 58-year-old man in prison. FML

by ohgod. / 10/09/2012 at 10:59pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, my mum got the idea of switching to a different dishwashing detergent. The new one is so strong that it coats all the dishes in a nauseating perfume-like smell. It's so pungent that it gets absorbed into everything we eat or drink. She's determined to use up the entire bottle. FML

by selena5112 / 02/15/2013 at 1:50pm / Norway (Troms) / Health

Today, at the end of my shift with a long line of customers, the older woman I was checking out calmly said, "You should take a minute to fix your hair dear, we have all been talking about it while we waited." FML

by Cashier / 09/24/2011 at 2:21am / United States (New York) / Work