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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

#4155124
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21841) - you deserved it (53867)

On 07/30/2009 at 5:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I found a camera someone left at our house. I looked at the pictures, and saw my grandma in a sexy outfit. FML

#6480509
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21841) - you deserved it (5189)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML

#6141684
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21840) - you deserved it (4628)

On 11/03/2009 at 8:44pm - misc - by scaryhairy (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at around 11pm the police made a visit to my house, explaining how my neighbors had thought I was using a universal remote to change their television channels. FML

#20099119
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21841) - you deserved it (1261)

On 10/02/2012 at 9:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, at the gym, I realized the guy who has been staring at me for the past 3 days is the same guy I promised to text back 5 months ago. FML

#20954898
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21839) - you deserved it (45114)

On 11/12/2013 at 6:18am - love - by awkwardencounters - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to sell my only means of transportation, my 92 Chrysler Lebaron to a junking company because the transmission blew. When the guy finally got there, I had to shovel out the 5 feet of snow around my car, help him push it, and help him hook it up. Then his dog bit me. I only got $100. FML

#8791575
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21838) - you deserved it (2365)

On 03/03/2010 at 1:06am - animals - by MetalAtlas (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was running a marathon for my school. Two hot girls started talking to me, so I glanced at them and smiled. I turned back, just in time to knee a little boy in the face. FML

#13662632
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21838) - you deserved it (6998)

On 10/31/2010 at 11:34am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into two things. The first was a spiderweb. The second, due to blind panic, was oncoming traffic. FML

#19072252
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21837) - you deserved it (4968)

On 02/14/2012 at 7:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after I requested a sick day, a very close co-worker texted her boyfriend that I'm a bitch for pretending to have the same rare illness that she recently suffered. She said it was unlikely, disrespectful and unfair that I didn't even look sick. I know this because she texted me instead. FML

#20037042
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21837) - you deserved it (2376)

On 08/23/2012 at 3:56am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, while at my boxing gym, an old man came inside and did the oddest drunk dance in order to serenade me. I'm a fighter and fine with taking punches to the face, but froze in terror at the sight of this. FML

#17545368
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21836) - you deserved it (2991)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:44am - misc - by No Action Fighter - United States (California)

Today, just three days into a much-needed vacation, my 5-year-old daughter has come down with chickenpox. FML

#19506511
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21836) - you deserved it (2593)

On 04/21/2012 at 3:26pm - kids - by Lorena - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was working a midnight shift when a guy came in drunk and was trying to get me to come home with him. I said I had a boyfriend. As I said this, my manager, who has no teeth and B.O, said he was my boyfriend. I will never live this down with my co-workers. FML

#14114912
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21834) - you deserved it (3698)

On 12/07/2010 at 12:28am - work - by anonymous-canada -

Today, I had to explain to this really intimidating girl that I wasn't giving her a dirty look, and that it was just my face at rest. FML

#19018819
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21834) - you deserved it (2559)

On 02/07/2012 at 3:39pm - misc - by Emily (woman) - United States



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