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Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML

#8741180
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23315) - you deserved it (7550)

On 03/01/2010 at 2:30am - intimacy - by Lovejunkie (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I just found out that my brother in law and his wife frequent a swingers establishment that me and the wife have visited. Which is OK I suppose (providing we never see each other there) but he told me his parents go there too. FML

#637
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23313) - you deserved it (5584)

On 12/30/2008 at 3:27pm - intimacy - by Disturbed - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was at the beach with my friend for vacation. We were playing Marco Polo in the ocean and I was Marco. I thought I heard my friend, so I lunged forward and grabbed her. Too bad it wasn't my friend, it was an old guy in a pink speedo, and I grabbed his butt. FML

#6618449
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23312) - you deserved it (8463)

On 12/05/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by yoyo22 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML

#19754526
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23312) - you deserved it (2252)

On 06/08/2012 at 10:00am - misc - by me - United States (New York)

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

#21364935
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23313) - you deserved it (2172)

On 02/27/2015 at 11:14pm - misc - by bobjope -

Today, I was at the nursing home I work at, and my boss asked me if I'm serious about my job, telling me that I've been acting strange and not working hard enough. She wants to drug test me. The real reason I'm not 100% is because I have a stomach ulcer from the stress of working there. FML

#14483355
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23309) - you deserved it (2189)

On 01/06/2011 at 7:21am - work - by sick (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my mom admitted that she always makes me put away the dishes because my obsessive compulsive tendencies force me to arrange the glasses and silverware by size, just the way she likes them. FML

#17747814
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23309) - you deserved it (4527)

On 09/14/2011 at 10:35pm - misc - by Awesome. (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was badly sunburnt even after making it a point to apply a lot of sunscreen. My coworkers thought it amusing to slap me every chance they get. FML

#17820247
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23309) - you deserved it (4203)

On 09/24/2011 at 11:22am - work - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my fiancée informed me she'd invited her ex-husband to our wedding at her parents' request. FML

#19480512
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23307) - you deserved it (1798)

On 04/16/2012 at 8:57pm - love - by Tony (man) - United States

Today, I watched my car roll backwards on the freeway, while attached to the tow truck that I was sitting in. FML

#6144396
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23306) - you deserved it (2007)

On 11/03/2009 at 11:06pm - misc - by ljd09 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my best friend has a massive head lice infestation. It wasn't until after I'd used her hairbrush to brush my hair that I figured it out. FML

#14018478
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23305) - you deserved it (6470)

On 11/29/2010 at 12:03am - health - by caliibbyy -

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML

#20133890
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23305) - you deserved it (1920)

On 10/26/2012 at 3:58am - health - by Weasel123 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML

#5313361
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23301) - you deserved it (6128)

On 09/17/2009 at 2:45pm - intimacy - by RahiYeah09 (woman) - United States (California)



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