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Today, my mother called to say that my 11 year old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassles, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7359) - you deserved it (18892)
On 02/03/2009 at 1:51am - kids - by peneloperigby (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)
Today, in a desperate attempt to get my business "out there", I dropped a few of my cards on a station floor. I got a call, even a quote. A $500 fine from the transit for public littering. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7358) - you deserved it (19970)
On 09/26/2011 at 7:46am - money - by Sam - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my girlfriend and I were making fun of a photo album on Facebook containing pictures of two friends who just got engaged. I jokingly asked her to marry me. She said yes. We have been dating for two months. She's not in on the joke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7354) - you deserved it (32247)
On 10/17/2010 at 9:39pm - love - by jfranklin - United States
Today, while walking to work, I swore I saw one of my old friends from college standing in the park across the street. I started shouting her name and waving my hands like a maniac to get her attention. It was a statue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7354) - you deserved it (14433)
On 04/10/2012 at 11:49pm - misc - by Becca (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7352) - you deserved it (28939)
On 10/10/2009 at 5:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I crapped in my pants and had to wait an hour of commuting till I could clean it up. What a sight and smell it was on the subway. Thank God I had sunglasses to wear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7348) - you deserved it (17184)
On 01/24/2009 at 1:56pm - love - by screwed - Chile (Region Metropolitana)
Today, I went bowling with some friends. After a few beers I was showing off spinning the ball around on the tip of my finger. One trip to the ER and two crushed nuts later, I've found that mixing alcohol and heavy shiny balls is not a good idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7347) - you deserved it (33920)
On 05/17/2011 at 12:28am - intimacy - by paulwatson93 (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my mom found a pack of cigarettes in my pocket. She hates smoking, so she tore every single cigarette to pieces, then emptied a bag of kitty litter on them. On my bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7344) - you deserved it (43308)
On 01/11/2010 at 2:23am - health - by alexbobalex (woman) - Aland Islands
Today, I fainted and woke up in a hospital. My mom drove me to the emergency room. The doctor said I had a panic attack. What did I have a panic attack from? Bidding on ebay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7340) - you deserved it (18993)
On 12/11/2009 at 8:31pm - misc - by graospe (woman) - United States (California)
Today, it was my first day as a vacuum salesman. While I was demonstrating how well it removed stains, I managed to smear stuff over the area I was cleaning. So not only was I unsuccessful in removing the original stains, I left them with worse carpet than when I got there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7340) - you deserved it (15671)
On 12/07/2011 at 9:29am - work - by JB - United States
Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7339) - you deserved it (32194)
On 06/16/2011 at 9:39pm - health - by Hopslammer (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7338) - you deserved it (40921)
On 02/05/2013 at 12:24am - misc - by swarm20 - United States (Minnesota)
Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7336) - you deserved it (17598)
On 04/13/2012 at 9:11am - intimacy - by joolsie (woman) - United Kingdom (York)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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