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Today, the bird that has been stuck in my roof for two days, keeping me awake at night, finally flew out of the roof and into the house. As I was opening the door to send it outside, it flew straight back up into the roof. FML

#5839165
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20633) - you deserved it (2166)

On 10/15/2009 at 2:16am - animals - by birdhater (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML

#6401581
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20633) - you deserved it (3724)

On 11/22/2009 at 4:15am - intimacy - by lonewolf2701 - United States

Today, I was leaving the car wash when I saw my friend walking on the sidewalk. I pulled over next to her and asked if she wanted a ride. Only after getting a face full of the soda she was drinking did I realize I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

#13818357
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20632) - you deserved it (6658)

On 11/12/2010 at 7:24pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I learned that my 76 year old great aunt likes to swim naked, even when I have friends over. FML

#20051798
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20634) - you deserved it (1617)

On 09/01/2012 at 12:30am - misc - by MsConfusedd - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the place I signed for yesterday to pay the first month's rent and get my keys. I looked around before I left, and used the toilet. I went back later to show my boyfriend and found the place flooded an inch with water coming from the toilet. It had been flooding for 7 hours. FML

#13798329
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20631) - you deserved it (4001)

On 11/11/2010 at 2:41am - misc - by robbyrabbit (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I received a notice that my boyfriend had given me a rose via Happy Aquarium on Facebook. It came with a date cancellation so that he and his friends could play BioShock. FML

#8246413
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20630) - you deserved it (4158)

On 02/14/2010 at 11:32am - love - by Fv-day (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

#15791690
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20630) - you deserved it (52252)

On 04/15/2011 at 1:34am - intimacy - by fmyhabit - United States (Utah)

Today, a girl started talking to me at the bus stop. After it descended into an awkward silence, I jumped on my bus to avoid further conversation. She got on the same bus. And got off at the same stop. I swear the whole bus could feel the tension. FML

#19714803
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20629) - you deserved it (4088)

On 06/01/2012 at 10:24am - love - by Silent (man) - Singapore

Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML

#19844489
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20628) - you deserved it (2496)

On 06/25/2012 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at archery practice, I jokingly said that I'd kiss the next person to get a bullseye. They all made a point of missing their targets, some even shooting their arrows way off to the side. FML

#20146224
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20627) - you deserved it (6835)

On 11/03/2012 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I let a friend borrow a power saw. When I found it on my porch later, the blade was missing and the cord was cut. Looking closer, I realized it was his saw. He kept my new one. He totally denies that he switched them and now won't answer his door. FML

#20128630
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20627) - you deserved it (1809)

On 10/22/2012 at 6:34pm - misc - by petra84 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was fired. Why? Because I called in sick on my daughter's birthday, even though you cannot "abandon work for personal affairs". My boss's favorite employee got to skip work on his wife's birthday two weeks ago. He still works here. FML

#8219030
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20625) - you deserved it (6102)

On 02/13/2010 at 7:29pm - work - by firedofbirthday - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML

#19551468
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20624) - you deserved it (2050)

On 04/30/2012 at 12:44am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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