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Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

#6635379
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24390) - you deserved it (16570)

On 12/06/2009 at 3:28pm - kids - by Bill (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was trying on some clothes in the store's changing room, when someone reached under the door and grabbed my purse, shoes, and pants. FML

#19511561
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24390) - you deserved it (2661)

On 04/22/2012 at 3:08pm - misc - by Gitana (woman) - Spain (Navarra)

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

#20174027
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24390) - you deserved it (1699)

On 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm - work - by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got pulled over for speaking on my phone. I accepted the fine because I was too ashamed to tell the cute officer that I was actually trying to pop a huge pimple on my cheek. FML

#21363177
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24390) - you deserved it (11650)

On 02/25/2015 at 5:33am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was waiting for my wife in a mall when some kids came and sat near me, wearing band t-shirts. I recognized some, as I was into The Smiths and Black Flag in my youth. I tried to strike up a music-fan chat with them. "Fuck off, grandad" and "Ew, pedo" is all I got in return. FML

#20087854
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24389) - you deserved it (4312)

On 09/25/2012 at 7:54am - kids - by HenryRollinsForPresident (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by text at 1:30 am because he didn't want to give me "the dread of answering a phone call." When I asked him for an explanation, his reply was, "For what?" FML

#19039937
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24388) - you deserved it (2427)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:59am - love - by 1.30am (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I realized the closest I've ever been to being hit on was with a car in the school parking lot. Even then, the guy claimed he "didn't notice" me. FML

#17983991
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24384) - you deserved it (2737)

On 10/14/2011 at 6:40pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my car got stolen. While I was standing ten feet away from it. FML

#18440924
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24382) - you deserved it (6466)

On 12/05/2011 at 10:54pm - misc - by smileytheface - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that my current girlfriend has dated all of my friends at one time or another. FML

#13372862
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24380) - you deserved it (4764)

On 10/09/2010 at 12:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my house got broken into for the third time. The nice police officer said that if I didn't want my house to keep being robbed I should "Fix the place up so it doesn't look like a crummy vacant building." FML

#15031237
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24379) - you deserved it (8047)

On 02/18/2011 at 8:06pm - misc - by rachel - United States (California)

Today, at daycare, a little girl cussed me out because I didn't have any apple juice left. When I called her parents, they sided with her and cussed me out too. My boss refused to sympathize, and reprimanded me for not making sure we still had apple juice. FML

#20148817
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24379) - you deserved it (2472)

On 11/05/2012 at 12:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandparents for the first time. When my boyfriend introduced us, his grandfather smiled at me, took my hand, and said in the most polite voice, "Wow, you're not nearly as pretty as he described you." FML

#14511615
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24377) - you deserved it (2486)

On 01/08/2011 at 7:22pm - misc - by lizard (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML

#20454752
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24377) - you deserved it (9518)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:36am - misc - by poohanne - United States (Louisiana)



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