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Today, a very attractive man asked me out. I'd have been flattered if I weren't the nurse assigned to his laboring wife. FML

#20086071
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25002) - you deserved it (1471)

On 09/24/2012 at 12:32am - misc - by Hello Nurse (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I changed my phone number because my old one belonged to a prostitute. My new one belongs to a debtor. FML

#13835312
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25002) - you deserved it (2567)

On 11/14/2010 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working the dart game at my local amusement park when a couple paid to play. They were highly intoxicated, and they thought the object of the game was to hit me with the darts. FML

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

#13975115
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24997) - you deserved it (6928)

On 11/25/2010 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML

#21341011
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25000) - you deserved it (4758)

On 01/20/2015 at 3:24pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was walking behind my mother when she was mowing the lawn. She unknowingly mowed over a wasps' nest that was in the grass. Guess who the wasps decided to seek revenge on. FML

Today, I got mauled by a cat named Mr. Sprinkles. FML

#7989901
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24997) - you deserved it (5240)

On 02/07/2010 at 10:19pm - animals - by zzdug (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got on an empty tram and decided to sit at the back. A few minutes in I start to hear a noise and thinking it was the tram, decided to ignore it. When I heard what sounded like an evil giggle, I looked around to see that it wasn't the tram, but it was some creepy middle aged man taking photos of me. FML

#8891257
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24996) - you deserved it (2088)

On 03/07/2010 at 11:29am - misc - by tramrider - United Kingdom (Greater London)

Today, my doctor told me that the reason I'm losing my eyesight is because I'm straining my eyes, and that the best thing for me to do is to limit my time in front of computers. I spent years in college to get my current job which involves sitting in front of computers. FML

#18111169
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24999) - you deserved it (2301)

On 10/30/2011 at 12:31pm - health - by comedybreak - United States (California)

Today, I was riding my bike home from the store. Wanting to impress some passers-by, I tried to do a trick on a sharp turn. I hit a pole with my balls. As I was lying on the ground in agony, a guy pulled over, took a picture, and took off laughing. FML

#20602636
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24995) - you deserved it (48449)

On 04/18/2013 at 5:02pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Bulgaria (Sofiya)

Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell me that the condoms he was buying are too big for him. FML

#20010874
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24994) - you deserved it (2232)

On 08/09/2012 at 2:44am - intimacy - by rxcrs3 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

#6061136
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24993) - you deserved it (7290)

On 10/29/2009 at 8:33pm - misc - by BaconBreathBlonde (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was going through a hard and painful break up after a long relationship. Trying to get over it, I invited my two best friends over to lift my spirits. The night ended with them making out on my bed as I sat alone in the other room. FML

#19869776
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24989) - you deserved it (2258)

On 06/30/2012 at 2:26am - love - by anonymous - United States (Colorado)



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