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Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML

#20135660
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16442) - you deserved it (9689)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by whoreticulturalist (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, I bought a new Siamese Fighting Fish. I was so happy with my new fish so I bought him an expensive lovely bowl, some weeds, and a toy for the bowl. I left the room to get the fish food. When I returned, the fish was gone, and the cat was sitting on the table. FML

#7156586
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16440) - you deserved it (6118)

On 01/05/2010 at 12:15am - animals - by bels12 (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was on a transatlantic flight, ear plugs in my ears. The steward walked past with a plastic bag. I threw my litter into it and didn't immediately understand why he said, "Very funny, sir." It wasn't a bin bag, he was collecting for Unicef. FML

#461
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16439) - you deserved it (8103)

On 12/06/2008 at 10:49pm - misc - by greg76 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was waiting at home for a phone call. While I was in the bathroom, the phone rang. I quickly stopped my business and ran out of the bathroom with my pants by my ankles. I leaped over the couch, tripping and then stubbing my toe while hopping to the phone. It was a telemarketer. FML

#6211440
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16437) - you deserved it (1395)

On 11/08/2009 at 12:50pm - misc - by lauren_rox (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML

#20884742
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16436) - you deserved it (83324)

On 09/17/2013 at 12:36am - work - by fired (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

#1564480
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16434) - you deserved it (39813)

On 05/02/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by screamo (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I had a big meeting. Half way through my presentation, I sneezed, and continued talking. I get some weird looks from my co-worker but I didn't understand what he meant. When I finished, I passed by my boss walking to my chair, he gave me a handkerchief. Why? Snot was all over my tie. FML

#7809149
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16434) - you deserved it (3126)

On 02/02/2010 at 6:25am - work - by paul - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag with her tax materials. FML

#993995
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16432) - you deserved it (47523)

On 04/15/2009 at 3:47pm - health - by caramelkarma (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was headed on vacation with my family. On the way, our trailer tire blew out. Because the trailer was tilted from the flat tire, the door would not open to get the spare. After breaking the window to get the spare and putting it on, the spare blew out. FML

#19966487
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16431) - you deserved it (1386)

On 07/21/2012 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the airport to catch a plane. It was very crowded at the gate and there was nowhere to sit except for a flat metal bench, so I sat on that. Turns out I was sitting on a luggage scale, so my weight was displayed for everybody to see. FML

#3921991
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16430) - you deserved it (40701)

On 07/21/2009 at 2:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML

#17968240
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16429) - you deserved it (10895)

On 10/12/2011 at 4:05pm - misc - by Nickname (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my aunt brought me a birthday present. I quickly figured out that she'd simply returned the jacket I let her borrow two years ago for my brother's graduation party. It reeks of cigarette smoke and alcohol. FML

#20115007
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16427) - you deserved it (1293)

On 10/13/2012 at 1:32pm - misc - by bubblebuttfuckfart (woman) - Ireland

Today, I went out to lunch with two friends from high school. We saw a girl that we graduated with at the restaurant. The girl gave both of them hugs and introduced herself to me. FML

#748
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16424) - you deserved it (1426)

On 01/07/2009 at 10:42am - misc - by bex - United States (New Jersey)



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