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Today, my co-worker told me I should stop smoking cigarettes because it makes my breath "smell like shit" and makes my teeth look as yellow as corn. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life. FML

#20029161
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27447) - you deserved it (8696)

On 08/19/2012 at 12:19am - work - by pridekills - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

#20749220
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27447) - you deserved it (34390)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by blahblah (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after ranting to my best friend about how all our friends are having kids and how teenage pregnancy will ruin their lives, she announced to me that she's pregnant. FML

#21452790
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27446) - you deserved it (6764)

On 08/06/2015 at 3:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my neighbor pointed to me and said to his best friend, "This motherfucker still lives with his mama. That's why he can't get no pussy." I'm thirty. My neighbor is eleven, and correct. FML

#21465314
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27448) - you deserved it (7431)

On 09/06/2015 at 4:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after moving in with a couple of vegan zoologists a few weeks ago, I discover that they don't believe that we have the right to kill cockroaches, and will not allow me to do so. The house is infested, and it's spread to my bedroom. FML

#20067454
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27443) - you deserved it (3823)

On 09/11/2012 at 11:08am - health - by Stevski (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML

#7523418
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27443) - you deserved it (7445)

On 01/23/2010 at 4:13pm - love - by Aphrodite - Sent from mobile version

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

#21271313
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27442) - you deserved it (39395)

On 10/05/2014 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, as I was crossing the slush covered street to catch the bus, I slipped and fell right in the middle of the road. A woman in a car rolled down her window. She didn't ask if I was okay but just laughed and took a picture of me covered in cold, wet slush. FML

#18940266
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27439) - you deserved it (2223)

On 01/29/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by hopeless cluts (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my anti-depressants are super-effective. So effective, they affect things they aren't even supposed to. Like my ability to pee. FML

#21401319
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27439) - you deserved it (2236)

On 04/28/2015 at 6:39pm - health - by full bladder - United States (Florida)

Today, my 72 year old Grandmother informed me she's running for mayor. She's been going around town with home made signs all day campaigning to win mayor. She lives in my town. My friend called me asking me if she was high. FML

#12880726
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27437) - you deserved it (3839)

On 09/03/2010 at 2:18am - misc - by AnnaWusHere - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my best friend came over for dinner and a movie. Moments after arriving, she spent an hour on the phone, and ended up accepting another invitation before leaving. I guess it's dinner for one tonight. FML

#14686261
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27438) - you deserved it (2479)

On 01/23/2011 at 1:44pm - misc - by Username - United States (Arizona)

Today, I showed up on set for a film that I booked a role in weeks ago. At the time of the audition, the script was being rewritten, so today I was so excited and eager to be told what my role would entail. When they handed me the script, my character was described as a fat, ugly, awkward girl. FML

#6677293
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27436) - you deserved it (4875)

On 12/09/2009 at 6:13am - work - by okaythen6 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my doctor told me my ankle has been fractured since last week. I've been helping drywall the basement, and trying to walk up and down stairs for a week. My husband has been telling me to man up, and it's not that bad. FML



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