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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, the mall got evacuated while I was getting my hair colored. I am now standing outside of a crowded mall, wearing a showercap. FML

#19833601
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23350) - you deserved it (2698)

On 06/23/2012 at 11:11am - misc - by tylah - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I am struggling with exhaustion due to insomnia. The reason I cannot sleep is crippling anxiety - not about my complicated romantic situation, my pileup of work, or even my relationship with my father. No, I'm afraid of a blind ship captain I saw in a dream three days ago. FML

#21327341
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23349) - you deserved it (4170)

On 12/30/2014 at 6:47pm - health - by insomniacap (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML

#19177249
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23349) - you deserved it (2605)

On 02/27/2012 at 7:37pm - misc - by Username (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell me that the condoms he was buying are too big for him. FML

#20010874
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23348) - you deserved it (2103)

On 08/09/2012 at 2:44am - intimacy - by rxcrs3 - United States

Today, on my first day of work, my new boss treated me to lunch. Thinking she was really nice, I thanked her for the treat. She fixed me with a cold, unsmiling stare and said, "Oh, don't thank me. I'm being paid to do this." FML

#13967011
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23347) - you deserved it (2284)

On 11/24/2010 at 9:32pm - work - by niceboss (woman) - Singapore

Today, I switched cell phone carriers and got the plan where you can call or text any five people for free. The employee asked for my five, I could only come up with one, my mom. FML

#8193962
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23345) - you deserved it (4553)

On 02/13/2010 at 2:22am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

#20120590
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23346) - you deserved it (3933) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/17/2012 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous - France (Bretagne)

Today, I realized I need a new job when I had to take anti-anxiety medication before meeting with my boss. Last time we met, I had a panic attack. FML

#18570101
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23343) - you deserved it (2958)

On 12/21/2011 at 1:10pm - work - by bosslady12 - United States

Today, I was not yet wearing my bouncer uniform when a fight broke out at a club. I intervened, only to have the cops who showed up tase me because they thought I was part of it. FML

#19353440
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23344) - you deserved it (4191)

On 03/26/2012 at 8:17pm - work - by ramis182 - United States (Washington)

Today, I was transporting liquor between stores for work. A car pulled out and cut me off, causing me to slam on my brakes. My car stopped. The 200 dollars-worth of booze did not. FML

#18859567
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23342) - you deserved it (3021)

On 01/20/2012 at 3:23am - work - by LiquorChick (woman) - United States

Today, as part of the treatment for my bulimia, my doctor informed me that I will not be allowed to go to the bathroom unsupervised. Meaning there will have to be another person in the bathroom with me at all times. I have a nervous bladder. I couldn't go if I wanted to. FML

#17977413
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23341) - you deserved it (12902)

On 10/13/2011 at 8:07pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out what it's like to get brain-freeze while recovering from a head injury. FML

#17540688
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23340) - you deserved it (4067)

On 08/21/2011 at 7:09pm - health - by The captain - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML

#19699245
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23340) - you deserved it (1858)

On 05/29/2012 at 2:43pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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