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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML

#20035898
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22842) - you deserved it (1619)

On 08/22/2012 at 4:27pm - misc - by XYZee - United States (Georgia)

Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview. Then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, and saw that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML

#6622206
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22840) - you deserved it (5729)

On 12/05/2009 at 8:24pm - work - by bleeding (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. So, I was a smart ass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML

#398759
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22839) - you deserved it (93672)

On 03/16/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by cannabis_this420 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

#8317685
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22838) - you deserved it (5590)

On 02/15/2010 at 10:10pm - intimacy - by sadsexer23 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was offered a promotion but for the same pay. Promotion... WTF? FML

#2234
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22839) - you deserved it (1982)

On 01/22/2009 at 5:35pm - work - by Promo girl - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I saw a poor helpless cat in the middle of the road while driving. I pulled over and scooped it in my arms to bring it to safety. Not only did I get mauled and scratched by the cat, my car also wasn't put in park and rolled away hitting a parked car. FML

#4967264
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22836) - you deserved it (33983)

On 09/01/2009 at 12:00am - animals - by polish_chik - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while walking around the local thrift store, I noticed an attractive guy watching me and following me through the aisles. As he followed me to my car I was sure I would get his number. He then asks me to bring my purse inside as I had been tagged as a shoplifter. I work at the store. FML

#19858168
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22836) - you deserved it (2084)

On 06/27/2012 at 10:28pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was studying for one of my finals that I had later in the week but decided to take a break and play around with my boyfriend in bed for a couple hours. We decided to 69 for the first time, and everything was going great until out of nowhere, I loudly farted in his face. FML

#6753336
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22832) - you deserved it (9478)

On 12/14/2009 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Gassy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that sitting in the third row at a 3D movie makes me vomit. Today I also found out that the big burly dude in front of me does not appreciate being vomited on. Now I feel nauseous and have a black eye. Not to mention I missed the last part of the movie. FML

#7526935
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22831) - you deserved it (5155)

On 01/23/2010 at 7:15pm - health - by Queasy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had finally gotten my dogs to quiet down and my baby to fall asleep. Not thirty seconds later, my neighbor's car alarm went off. They aren't home for the weekend, and the damn alarm has now been blaring for three hours. FML

#19686709
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22830) - you deserved it (1588)

On 05/27/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by shadow1248 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

#14090215
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22823) - you deserved it (10559)

On 12/05/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while giving a speech at work, I started sneezing. After what seemed to be the last sneeze, I went on talking. Apparently it wasn't, and I blew out my eardrum. FML

#20141826
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22823) - you deserved it (1537)

On 10/31/2012 at 5:03pm - work - by SoSoRachel - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15 minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML

#7364285
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22822) - you deserved it (5948)

On 01/15/2010 at 7:44pm - misc - by Bali_Boil (man) - United States (Michigan)



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