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Today, my mother sent my birthday present to me four days late. It was a handy keychain blood alcohol detector so I can make sure I'm sober before I drive. FML

#6068781
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21497) - you deserved it (6822)

On 10/30/2009 at 10:23am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The rest of the family stood there laughing. This is what I'm marrying into? FML

#6665915
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21494) - you deserved it (2754)

On 12/08/2009 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by umm - United States (Texas)

Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

#2979
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21492) - you deserved it (1790)

On 01/28/2009 at 6:47am - love - by uninspired - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that my fiancé's parents are refusing to pay for a honeymoon because "they didn't have one so neither will we", so they won't pay for a single thing for our wedding. FML

#8279191
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21488) - you deserved it (13319)

On 02/15/2010 at 12:03am - love - by tayluh26 - United States (California)

Today, my little sister walked in on me and my boyfriend. I told her I would give her 10$ if she just pretended it never happened. She agreed, walked out and shut the door. Later, when my parents arrived, she yells: "Nicole and Joe were naked upstairs!" FML

#8430950
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21487) - you deserved it (18341)

On 02/19/2010 at 12:31am - kids - by ohemgee23 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I gave my boyfriend a box of chocolates as a present. A few hours later, he texted me saying that the box of chocolates contained nuts. He's allergic to nuts and his mother now thinks I'm trying to kill him. FML

#6965324
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21484) - you deserved it (10144)

On 12/26/2009 at 11:44pm - love - by Kelly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was building new fixtures at work. As I assembled the top holding bar on the second section, my boss came up and smacked it to try and scare me. She knocked the top holding bar, which is made of steel, onto my head, and then all the sections went on to fall like dominoes. FML

Today, I got a phone call to say my workplace was closed due to extreme weather conditions. Looking forward to my day off, I then realised the boiler was broken and my house has no heating despite there being a foot of snow outside. I'm spending the day in bed, wearing all my clothes. FML

#14056673
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21483) - you deserved it (2522)

On 12/02/2010 at 3:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I asked my mother if she thought my cat was getting fat. She replied "It's not the cat you should worry about". FML

#5051
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21480) - you deserved it (4712)

On 02/01/2009 at 10:22pm - animals - by mikep - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my braces. FML

#18984766
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21479) - you deserved it (3110)

On 02/03/2012 at 3:47pm - misc - by tooembarassed - United States

Today, my mum thought it was perfectly acceptable to post a status on Facebook about how well she is healing up after her hemorrhoid surgery, and tag me in it. FML

#19732110
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21478) - you deserved it (2323)

On 06/04/2012 at 11:02am - misc - by unacceptable (woman) - Australia

Today, I was scheduled for an interview at a local firm owned by two partners. The secretary told me to be there at around 12:00 to 12:30 pm, so I arrived at 12:15. The first boss told me off for being early, the other one yelled at me for being late. FML

#20084697
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21476) - you deserved it (2124)

On 09/23/2012 at 5:23am - work - by whatisthisidonteven (woman) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, while on vacation with my family, my mother told me to put my phone in her purse, so it wouldn't get stolen. Someone stole her purse. FML

#20026393
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21476) - you deserved it (1854)

On 08/17/2012 at 12:45pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)



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