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Today, my son and I attended the funeral of a family friend. It went as well as any funeral could, up until the point that my apparently drunk son tried to grope the widow. I came an inch away from causing my son to need his own funeral. FML

#19834140
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22236) - you deserved it (2356)

On 06/23/2012 at 1:43pm - kids - by nosonofmine (man) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

#8680968
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22235) - you deserved it (2710)

On 02/27/2010 at 1:36am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I overheard a conversation between a coworker and a new employee. The new girl was trying to get familiar with people's names, and she asked my coworker, "Which one is Heather?" He answered, "The annoying one." She said, "Oh, that's Heather." I'm Heather. FML

#13625422
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22233) - you deserved it (7577)

On 10/28/2010 at 10:19am - work - by kaz89 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in a shoe store. I picked up a shoe so I could look at it, but when I put it back on the shelf, the whole shelf fell down, making all the shoes fall to the ground. The people behind the counter started clapping. FML

#7090975
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22232) - you deserved it (3403)

On 01/01/2010 at 9:45pm - misc - by shoes (woman) - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to an ultrasound probe. FML

#8433301
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22229) - you deserved it (3718)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:30am - intimacy - by kaitlin - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my doctor informed me that the pea-sized bump under my arm is a "third breast". That is not what I meant every time I said I wanted more tits. FML

#20072637
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22229) - you deserved it (2207)

On 09/15/2012 at 7:07am - health - by Leashaness (woman) - United States

Today, I went to Safeway. The security guard wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. When I confronted him about it he told me that they looked fake and he was making sure I didn't stuff my bra with stolen items. FML

#19725175
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22228) - you deserved it (4332)

On 06/03/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by ilovezim29 - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to an angry text from my roommate asking me to please let her know next time I'm going to have a friend crashing on the couch. I have no idea who she's talking about. FML

#20038307
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22228) - you deserved it (1446)

On 08/23/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

#19375039
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22226) - you deserved it (2615)

On 03/30/2012 at 7:32am - intimacy - by kawood (woman) - United States

Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML

#7198601
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22225) - you deserved it (4015)

On 01/07/2010 at 12:44pm - work - by Mic (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I woke up and went to go have a shower. The trouble is, my bedroom door is broken and will no longer open. My mother's idea of helping was pushing a note under the door saying she'll be back in a couple of hours. FML

Today, I was in a hurry to get something out of the oven, so I quickly grabbed my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbed the pan in the oven. It didn't take long to figure out there was a hole in it when my thumb hit the hot pan. FML

#17735625
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22224) - you deserved it (3569)

On 09/13/2011 at 10:48am - health - by .. - United States (Florida)

Today, my car got acquainted with about 3 dozen eggs. FML

#17924502
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22224) - you deserved it (2960)

On 10/06/2011 at 11:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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