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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I came home to find that all my porn magazines have been "censored" with a black sharpie. FML

#15874125
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25240) - you deserved it (53125)

On 04/21/2011 at 2:30pm - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, my dad got over his aversion to tight pants, giving everyone at the DMV a good look at his package in skin-tight blue jeans. FML

#21402857
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25240) - you deserved it (2192)

On 05/01/2015 at 11:25am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML

#16078669
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25239) - you deserved it (3361)

On 05/07/2011 at 1:38pm - misc - by K. - United States (Florida)

Today, my fiancé changed his text message tone to a fart noise. He thinks it's hilarious and laughs every time he gets a text. He's 35 years old. FML

#17624611
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25240) - you deserved it (7035)

On 08/30/2011 at 9:28pm - love - by AMP4U - United States (California)

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

#20042325
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25239) - you deserved it (2199)

On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a customer at the restaurant where I work reduced me to tears by screaming at me, as I nearly knocked out his 2-year-old with the kitchen door, after he let the little boy play on the floor behind it. Apparently, it's my fault I can't see through solid wood. FML

#21440548
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25239) - you deserved it (1505)

On 07/12/2015 at 3:39pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I locked my keys in my truck. The good news is that I have a spare set in my house. The bad news is that my house key is on the same keyring as my locked-in truck key. FML

#20521895
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25238) - you deserved it (9141)

On 02/25/2013 at 5:30pm - misc - by burning balls of fuck this - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML

#21395798
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25238) - you deserved it (4095)

On 04/18/2015 at 3:34pm - animals - by thisisnotavirustrustme.exe (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

#6061136
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25239) - you deserved it (7324)

On 10/29/2009 at 8:33pm - misc - by BaconBreathBlonde (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my prom dress came in the mail. I don't know what happened with the tailoring but not only does it not fit, but it also looks like deli meat. FML

#21396978
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25237) - you deserved it (3196)

On 04/20/2015 at 5:41pm - misc - by Deli meat prom - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that when they put "Take with food" on the side of antibiotics, what they really mean is "Take with food because this stuff is gonna liquefy everything in your G.I. tract, and make you have to run out of the middle of calculus for the worst diarrhea ever." FML

#6069034
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25234) - you deserved it (9779)

On 10/30/2009 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend about having plans on tonight so he'd think I had a life outside of him. All my "friends" are going to a party. I'm not invited. FML

#7512878
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25234) - you deserved it (6500)

On 01/23/2010 at 12:04am - love - by voltronn - Sent from mobile version

Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML

#10906568
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25233) - you deserved it (4198)

On 06/01/2010 at 12:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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