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Today, I was escorted out of a grocery store for beating my boyfriend with a block of cheese. FML

Today, I dove head-first underneath my garage door, narrowly missing both the sensor and the closing door, executing a perfect roll, and popping back up onto my feet unscathed. My smugness went through the floor as I remembered I'd left my keys back in the house. FML

#18798370
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16559) - you deserved it (11850)

On 01/13/2012 at 7:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Jonkopings Lan)

Today, my crush came over and we began to fool around. He started to kiss my stomach, and just when I was getting into it, he pulled away with a disgusted look on his face, wiped his mouth, and said, "We'll continue this when you get rid of all your bellybutton lint." FML

#3740095
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16557) - you deserved it (53048)

On 07/14/2009 at 5:41am - intimacy - by unlucky_number13 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got fired from my job where you build teddy bears. I got fired not because I did anything wrong, just because they don't like my personality. I'd never worked with my boss, and that means all the employees that work there had a meeting about me, and all confirmed they don't like me. FML

#13710302
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16555) - you deserved it (4340)

On 11/04/2010 at 1:19am - work - by upsetandunjustified (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after going to college for 5 years to become an architect I discover my plumber makes more than I do. FML

#761
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16555) - you deserved it (2559)

On 12/30/2008 at 6:16am - work - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I realized that the closest thing I have to a savings account is the cup on my dresser with coins in it. I counted it, $17.34. That is my savings. I'm 28. FML

#2464165
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16554) - you deserved it (44208)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:11pm - money - by mooseknuckle (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, the bus came to pick up my daughter to take her to kindergarten. When it honked, I opened the door for her to let her run out to it. Halfway there she tripped and started crying. I couldn't run out because I was still in my underwear. Now her bus thinks I'm the worst mom ever. FML

#15313960
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16553) - you deserved it (37413)

On 03/14/2011 at 10:25pm - kids - by mommylovesu (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom put a candle on in the living room. She told the family "how much she loved it!" My mom then went on the tell us that my dad got it for her and it must have been some cheap candle. I bought the candle as a gift for her on her birthday. Thanks mom. FML

#5808379
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16550) - you deserved it (1866)

On 10/12/2009 at 11:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

#13278835
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16548) - you deserved it (40053)

On 10/01/2010 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by caughtorangehanded (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was informed that one of my store managers does a "great" impression of me. No one will tell me what it is, but apparently it's really funny. FML

#19416398
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16548) - you deserved it (1916)

On 04/06/2012 at 7:09am - work - by mockable (woman) - United States

Today, my Dad and I killed a cockroach with a large metal pole. It was the most bonding experience we have ever had. FML

#19566407
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16548) - you deserved it (1914)

On 05/02/2012 at 11:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

#20126149
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16546) - you deserved it (5000)

On 10/21/2012 at 1:59am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finished working a week's overtime managing admin, stock, finances, and three members of staff. I realised that despite all my extra work, I actually earn less per hour than the students who only work on the weekends. FML

#14600625
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16545) - you deserved it (1758)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:30pm - work - by ovawerkrd - United Kingdom (London)



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