Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML

#19733599
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21443) - you deserved it (2295)

On 06/04/2012 at 4:37pm - kids - by obtuse_ballsack (man) - Croatia (Grad Zagreb)

Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML

#18959231
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21440) - you deserved it (3775)

On 01/31/2012 at 6:07am - health - by Arielle (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I heard the sound of footsteps in the basement. Thinking it was burglars I grabbed a baseball bat and hurried down the stairs. I then tripped on the stairs, fell down them and smacked my head on the bat. The sound of footsteps I heard? It was my cat playing in some cardboard boxes. FML

#7775610
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21438) - you deserved it (6405)

On 02/01/2010 at 8:45am - animals - by dontbadouche - Senegal

Today, as I sat down for my flight, I realised that the passenger I had to sit next to for the next seven hours was wearing a necklace made from tampon packaging. FML

#19995117
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21438) - you deserved it (1688)

On 07/31/2012 at 7:28pm - misc - by lotd - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my alarm went off. I snoozed it, and went on to dream that I got out of bed, did my business, brushed my teeth, took my breakfast, changed into my working attire, and was ready for work that morning. My alarm rang a second time, I had to do all that over again. FML

#920
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21435) - you deserved it (3628)

On 01/10/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by doh - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I was cashiering at Walmart, when a customer picked open a cold-sore on her lip before trying to give me her money with the same hand. When I freaked out and refused to take her money, she started screaming and threatening to sue me for "violating the First Amendment." FML

#19969409
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21435) - you deserved it (2664)

On 07/21/2012 at 5:14pm - work - by artdegreemyass (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was run over by my own car as I tried to push it out of a snowbank. FML

#14248999
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21433) - you deserved it (4402)

On 12/18/2010 at 3:22pm - health - by drew - United States (Michigan)

Today, I finished a website that I have been working on for ages for a friend. He tried to repay me by offering to teach me to play table tennis. FML

#17909983
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21433) - you deserved it (3714)

On 10/05/2011 at 6:49am - work - by Matt - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got a text from someone I met last night at a bar. We texted all day and planned to meet up later. The whole time I had in my mind who he was, but when we met up it was someone completely different that I didn't remember. I had to sit through the whole date pretending I knew him. FML

Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML

#21097153
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21428) - you deserved it (35803)

On 03/26/2014 at 6:39pm - health - by athletiks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up to an angry text from my roommate asking me to please let her know next time I'm going to have a friend crashing on the couch. I have no idea who she's talking about. FML

#20038307
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21428) - you deserved it (1379)

On 08/23/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

#15087841
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21426) - you deserved it (41748)

On 02/23/2011 at 5:06am - intimacy - by failed (man) - Switzerland (Vaud)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: