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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my dog surprised everyone by somehow managing to climb on the roof. I followed him up and spent the next hour trying to catch him. FML

#16597604
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26242) - you deserved it (3918)

On 06/10/2011 at 4:39pm - animals - by crazydog (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, was my birthday. Today was also the day that my mom's cat died four years ago. She was too busy crying and looking at old photos of her beloved cat to even wish me a happy birthday. FML

#20444416
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26242) - you deserved it (2034)

On 01/06/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Birthday girl (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I put on my "fat jeans" because none of my other jeans fit. Neither do my fat jeans. FML

#3335401
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26241) - you deserved it (44510)

On 06/29/2009 at 1:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was cutting the grass, it was really hot and I fainted. I woke up to see my mom standing over me. I thought she was going to freak out and call an ambulance. Instead she said, "Good, you're up. Now you can finish." FML

#19705989
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26241) - you deserved it (2313)

On 05/30/2012 at 7:07pm - misc - by Aw522 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, as I walked on to the bus, the girl I liked whispered something to her friend. Curious, I asked what was so funny. She said she never realized that when I got on, I shook the bus. FML

#21345001
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26242) - you deserved it (3383)

On 01/27/2015 at 9:02am - love - by Nat3_2020 - United States

Today, my mother admitted to me that she sends me up and down the stairs to get things for her because she thinks I could use the exercise. FML

#21388731
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26240) - you deserved it (5049)

On 04/06/2015 at 4:49pm - health - by TheRunaway21 (woman) - United States

Today, I waited anxiously until midnight to open my Christmas presents. As the clock struck midnight, I ran out into the living room, super-excited to open them, only to discover that everyone in our house had already opened theirs, and had all gone to bed. FML

#6931978
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26240) - you deserved it (5088)

On 12/25/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by iFail (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my father, who's never played much part in my life, told me how proud he is of me. I choked back tears, and we hugged for the first time in years. Later, I choked back my rage when I saw he'd opened my mail and obviously planned on leeching my new-found SSI money off me. FML

#19937042
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26239) - you deserved it (2016)

On 07/14/2012 at 12:46pm - money - by Natalie - United States (Florida)

Today, one of my friends asked me to flirt with her boyfriend to see if he would flirt back. Knowing this was a trust test, I agreed. She got pissed at me when he flirted back and still isn't speaking to me. FML

#21436223
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26238) - you deserved it (4769)

On 07/04/2015 at 4:55am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got to listen to my boss lecture me about professional dress and subtly insinuate that my being on the heavier side top-wise with all the men in the office could be a problem. I've worn turtle necks for the whole two months I've been working there. FML

#21371359
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26237) - you deserved it (1919)

On 03/09/2015 at 6:59pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested debate between two coworkers on what was evidently a very touchy subject: Which is better, the orange creamsicle or the ice cream sandwich? I was the only one to get in trouble for wasting company time. FML

#14917539
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26236) - you deserved it (4406)

On 02/10/2011 at 12:31am - work - by geoduck - United States

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

#20950083
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26233) - you deserved it (5911)

On 11/08/2013 at 9:00am - intimacy - by xomelodygervais (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML

#21408360
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26232) - you deserved it (3909)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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