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Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML

by Amberain / 08/16/2012 at 11:16am / United Kingdom (Halton) / Love

Today, my neighbor was having work done in his apartment, and he'd warned me that there might be some noise. Yes, there was, what with all the town's firemen in the building after he'd ruptured the main gas pipe. FML

by Jolabanane / 05/21/2015 at 7:51am / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

by anon / 07/27/2015 at 12:43am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML

by moopymoplady / 11/28/2011 at 7:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He did it over Snapchat because he said he didn't want to hear me sad over the phone and wanted to save data. Three years down the drain. FML

by Out of Ice Cream / 09/29/2015 at 1:06pm / United States / Love

Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML

by kiwi2323 / 09/25/2012 at 9:48pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML

by JG / 05/10/2012 at 7:48am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, at a family reunion, we all squeezed in for a picture. I set the self-timer and ran to get in it. 2 seconds before the picture went off, some guy came up, stole the camera, and ran away. FML

by Pissed / 10/15/2012 at 3:57pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, I got into an accident and my car was totaled. My friends then took me out to a bar for a drink to make me feel better. It appears that the police officer had kept my I.D by mistake and I couldn't get into the bar. FML

by Username / 02/09/2011 at 9:48pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I attended the wrong funeral. I spent twenty minutes trying to hide and walk away without being too conspicuous. FML

by Arlbethere / 02/25/2011 at 7:18am / United Kingdom (Northumberland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML

by N / 02/08/2009 at 3:04am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister-in-law told me calmly that she never cared for me, likes her brother's ex more than me, and probably will always dislike me. It was our first serious conversation ever, that I initiated because I wanted to "maintain our great friendship." FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2009 at 7:49am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, a friend of mine sent me a message saying, "Man, I am so sorry but we were both really drunk and I swear it didn't mean anything." FML

by single now / 02/26/2010 at 12:07am / United States / Miscellaneous