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Today, as the clock struck twelve for the new year, I was in the bathroom having a nosebleed. FML

#14423827
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23489) - you deserved it (3655)

On 01/01/2011 at 10:37am - health - by cauteriseme (woman) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML

#13929879
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23488) - you deserved it (4542)

On 11/21/2010 at 9:33pm - work - by poomaster - United States (California)

Today, I was using a power drill to take down the set for the musical we just finished. My long hair got caught in the drill, got ripped out and now I have a hurting, bleeding bald spot the size of 2 quarters. FML

#8963973
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23487) - you deserved it (12754)

On 03/10/2010 at 1:11am - misc - by bdavis - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend got engaged to a co-worker. I got her the job. FML

#19025150
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23488) - you deserved it (3700)

On 02/08/2012 at 8:08am - love - by D-Man (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest "no." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML

#19964000
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23487) - you deserved it (3117)

On 07/20/2012 at 2:23pm - love - by Taylor (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

#5309221
375 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23486) - you deserved it (79912)

On 09/17/2009 at 6:57am - work - by auscop (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I slipped on my icy front porch, fell back and hit my head on the step. I tried to get up, but lost my balance and fell halfway into the bush next to the steps. I then looked up to see my very hot, British, Ex-Special Forces next door neighbor laughing so hard he dropped his snow shovel. FML

#7757731
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23486) - you deserved it (2878)

On 01/31/2010 at 9:12pm - misc - by youlyingjerk (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, someone brought cake to class. Trying to get some attention from the guy I have a crush on, I asked if he wanted my piece of cake. He accepted it, and then offered it to another girl. FML

#20077941
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23487) - you deserved it (4228)

On 09/18/2012 at 4:07pm - love - by emselin - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I watched the Sochi Winter Games online. Excited by an athlete's victory, I yelled out, "YEAH!" to 20-or-so silent coworkers. As if to redeem myself, I then said, "Don't pretend like you're all working you lot!" Our boss was right behind me. FML

#21057961
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23486) - you deserved it (35232) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/12/2014 at 4:47am - work - by Anonyme - Sent from mobile version

Today, I waited until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. Today, I also discovered that my bank account has been frozen due to suspicious activity. FML

#6887241
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23484) - you deserved it (7769)

On 12/22/2009 at 4:54pm - money - by DumbLackofLuck (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

#20044244
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23483) - you deserved it (3021)

On 08/27/2012 at 8:57am - love - by kvdfan (woman) - United States

Today, my friend asked me how I did on my test. I got an 85%. She asked me what my secret was, and I said "I'm just smart". She replied, "No you're not. How did you pull it off?" FML

#13366496
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23480) - you deserved it (5965)

On 10/08/2010 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I lost my virginity to an ultrasound probe. FML

#8433301
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23473) - you deserved it (3849)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:30am - intimacy - by kaitlin - Australia (Victoria)



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