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Today, I got a weird feeling about the account balance in my savings account. Turns out my fiancé has been using my account to order random items whenever he likes. This account is my savings for college tuition and related expenses. FML

by udnrizh / 10/07/2010 at 10:58pm / United States (Indiana) / Money

Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML

by moopymoplady / 11/28/2011 at 7:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to find my power was out. After taking a shower in the dark and being unable to make myself lunch, my power came on two minutes before I had to leave for school. FML

by Samuel / 05/21/2010 at 3:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was chatting with my choir leader. I told him that I have been thinking about taking singing lessons. His immediate reaction was, "Thank god, finally!" FML

by sdd / 01/23/2013 at 10:44am / Switzerland (Bern) / Miscellaneous

Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML

by kiwi2323 / 09/25/2012 at 9:48pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I had a job interview at a café. The interviewer asked me my availability and I told her that I was fully flexible. She laughed and said, "Really? That's tragic." FML

by tipmeover / 01/28/2015 at 8:09am / Ireland (Dublin) / Work

Today, I was on web cam to my girlfriend who was naked. She turned the web cam to point to the screen for a second and she was also on web cam with another guy. FML

by angry / 11/04/2009 at 1:51pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Intimacy

Today, at a family reunion, we all squeezed in for a picture. I set the self-timer and ran to get in it. 2 seconds before the picture went off, some guy came up, stole the camera, and ran away. FML

by Pissed / 10/15/2012 at 3:57pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, my mom watched a Dr. Phil episode. She's now hysterical because she assumes me and my friends are involved in sex parties. All because a man on the TV said so. FML

by silencio / 05/24/2012 at 6:44am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, I folded a stack of 2,500 brochures for the new exhibit we're putting on at the museum where I work. As I was finishing up, I got an email. The dates have just been changed, so all the brochures have to be reprinted and refolded. FML

by Anonymous / 07/09/2015 at 12:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2012 at 2:10pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

by kirstyrd / 08/12/2014 at 2:07am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family threw me a surprise party for my 29th Birthday. My brother-in-law sent me a text telling me they were all waiting for me to arrive. Thinking it was at my sister's home, I drove two hours there. It was actually at my parents' house. I missed my party and they ate my cake. FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2010 at 1:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous