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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML

#19962660
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21216) - you deserved it (1687)

On 07/20/2012 at 3:58am - misc - by Grrr (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML

#19641324
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21216) - you deserved it (5786)

On 05/18/2012 at 10:13am - kids - by 23yearoldtoddler - United States

Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML

#14339155
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21213) - you deserved it (3642)

On 12/25/2010 at 9:29pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

#19941503
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21213) - you deserved it (2949)

On 07/15/2012 at 3:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finally achieved the perfect hourglass figure. Too bad I'm a guy. FML

#19844120
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21213) - you deserved it (4858)

On 06/25/2012 at 10:05am - misc - by Wwiimaniac (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was pretending to talk on the phone with my wife just to avoid to speak with my boring coworker. After two awkward minutes of him waiting in front of my desk and me inventing a call, he handed me the disconnected phone cable and left. FML

Today, I received a coupon for a special offer including flights and accommodation for the honeymoon destination that my fiancé and I are keen on. Yesterday, I paid the full price for the flight tickets and hotel deposit for the honeymoon. FML

#19362332
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21210) - you deserved it (2162)

On 03/28/2012 at 6:47am - money - by honeymooner (man) - South Africa (Eastern Cape)

Today, I was working alone in the office with my brother. He's run out of work to do, so has been singing Disney songs loudly and badly, throwing stationery at me, and just now snuck up on me from behind and wrapped duct tape round my face. It's just us in the office next week. FML

#17696149
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21210) - you deserved it (2427)

On 09/08/2011 at 11:41am - work - by whyarewerelated (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML

#20156759
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21203) - you deserved it (3787)

On 11/09/2012 at 9:09pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

#20132869
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21193) - you deserved it (2028)

On 10/25/2012 at 3:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while at my boxing gym, an old man came inside and did the oddest drunk dance in order to serenade me. I'm a fighter and fine with taking punches to the face, but froze in terror at the sight of this. FML

#17545368
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21191) - you deserved it (2936)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:44am - misc - by No Action Fighter - United States (California)

Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML

#18765648
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21191) - you deserved it (3159)

On 01/10/2012 at 10:34am - misc - by NJ <3 - United States

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

#17621188
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21189) - you deserved it (11386)

On 08/30/2011 at 1:35pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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