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Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML

#4476894
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16781) - you deserved it (34244)

On 08/12/2009 at 3:02pm - misc - by signupsheetfail (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I didn't have plans on shaving my pubic hair. My girlfriend's braces thought otherwise. FML

#18899300
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16780) - you deserved it (33893)

On 01/24/2012 at 3:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found a lost dog and called the owner. When he arrived, I thought it would be cute to put the dog down so he would run back into his owner's arms, like in movies. As soon as I put the dog down, it ran away again. FML

#20469405
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16779) - you deserved it (35721)

On 01/20/2013 at 11:34am - animals - by DrakeB (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I yet again heard a friend say "YOLO" as if it's a word. It was so annoying that I had to restrain myself from punching him in the face and offering him the chance to suck on one of my turds, since apparently "YOLO." FML

#19520181
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16775) - you deserved it (4547)

On 04/24/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML

#3479922
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16771) - you deserved it (34765)

On 07/04/2009 at 1:31pm - misc - by Singed (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I came home to find that the entire ceiling in the kitchen of my apartment had caved in due to an extremely leaky water pipe. The same water pipe maintenance said they had fixed three days ago. FML

Today, I found that windshield wipers on my car had been stolen. I bought a pair of new ones for around $10 but when I was trying to put them in place, I failed to hold a wiper holder and it slipped down on the windshield, causing cracks. Now I have to replace the windshield which will cost approximately $150. FML

Today, there is an annular solar eclipse. As I was buying the last pair of solar glasses to watch the eclipse with, some jerk snatched them out of my hands and bolted off with them. I now have to make the decision between watching the eclipse and not going blind. FML

#19653342
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16763) - you deserved it (2672)

On 05/20/2012 at 7:35pm - misc - by VocalizedBoar - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

#21073034
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16761) - you deserved it (53150)

On 02/27/2014 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to explain to my brother why he can't go on dates with my new boyfriend and me. FML

#19469205
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16758) - you deserved it (1774)

On 04/14/2012 at 10:21pm - misc - by ProsserBabe11 (woman) - United States

Today, I finally met the girl I've been talking to on phone for a while and found her charming in person as well. There's just one problem: she has more facial hair than I do. FML

#20159578
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16756) - you deserved it (5514)

On 11/11/2012 at 9:16pm - love - by x (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

#6910234
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16753) - you deserved it (5172)

On 12/23/2009 at 9:12pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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