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Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML

#20156617
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21089) - you deserved it (2782)

On 11/09/2012 at 7:16pm - health - by dating a fking cnt (man) - Canada

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML

#6089895
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21082) - you deserved it (2532)

On 10/31/2009 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by thornrose22 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boss asked me if he could pay me in gum. Thinking he was playing around, I agreed. He wasn't playing around. FML

#19921973
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21081) - you deserved it (8656)

On 07/11/2012 at 1:29am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the gym and as I was pulling out my earphones and getting off my treadmill, I heard the girl behind me say to her friend on the treadmill next to her, "Wow, there have no cute guys today." Her friend replied, "None at all. It's like everyone suddenly got gay or ugly." FML

#2709
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21081) - you deserved it (1839)

On 01/26/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Rothaar - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was talking to my co-workers about how I've sadly been an orphan since an early age. One of them exclaimed, "Hey, just like Batman!" FML

#19557716
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21078) - you deserved it (4437)

On 05/01/2012 at 9:58am - work - by Nice (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML

#19603666
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21078) - you deserved it (1878)

On 05/10/2012 at 6:20pm - love - by brannonjames - United States

Today, I went to see my orthodontist. He informed me that I have an underbite and I will probably need braces again. I just had them taken off last year, after five and a half years of oral hell. FML

#20044922
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21078) - you deserved it (1661)

On 08/27/2012 at 6:16pm - health - by Albert (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after my annoying neighbor who used to spend hours playing the cello in the apartment below me finally moved out, I found out that I have a new musical neighbor moving in. This fellow plays the bagpipes. FML

#20067181
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21077) - you deserved it (2434)

On 09/11/2012 at 2:11am - misc - by PissedbythePiper (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I saw my crush working the only open till at the grocery store. When she saw me approach her queue, she immediately called for more cashiers. FML

#19823688
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21075) - you deserved it (3013)

On 06/21/2012 at 11:40am - love - by rink.attendant.6 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend bumped into me at McDonald's. I was sitting alone at a table with a big mac, two large fries, a large drink and 1 case of chicken nuggets. FML

#7732342
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21074) - you deserved it (32405)

On 01/31/2010 at 1:44am - love - by tammy999 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my little sister came to me crying about how everyone calls her a bad driver. I gave her a pep talk, an encouraging hug, and told her not to listen to negativity. Five minutes later she wrecked my car. FML

#19575852
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21072) - you deserved it (7307)

On 05/05/2012 at 2:24am - misc - by 464424 - United States (Ohio)

Today, one of my work colleagues was staring at my severe sunburn. She wanted to know if she could "peel" me, when my sunburn becomes "ripe", because she loves the sound. She won't take no for an answer, and I work with her everyday this week. FML

#20194217
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21071) - you deserved it (1574)

On 12/06/2012 at 7:19pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my parents are freaking at me because I just got my report and I failed my first year of college. They told me they have never been more disappointed in me. I have to tell them that I'm also pregnant. FML

#3800582
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21070) - you deserved it (91639)

On 07/16/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by failure - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)



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