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Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML

#3479922
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16767) - you deserved it (34764)

On 07/04/2009 at 1:31pm - misc - by Singed (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I came home to find that the entire ceiling in the kitchen of my apartment had caved in due to an extremely leaky water pipe. The same water pipe maintenance said they had fixed three days ago. FML

Today, I found that windshield wipers on my car had been stolen. I bought a pair of new ones for around $10 but when I was trying to put them in place, I failed to hold a wiper holder and it slipped down on the windshield, causing cracks. Now I have to replace the windshield which will cost approximately $150. FML

Today, there is an annular solar eclipse. As I was buying the last pair of solar glasses to watch the eclipse with, some jerk snatched them out of my hands and bolted off with them. I now have to make the decision between watching the eclipse and not going blind. FML

#19653342
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16761) - you deserved it (2672)

On 05/20/2012 at 7:35pm - misc - by VocalizedBoar - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I had to explain to my brother why he can't go on dates with my new boyfriend and me. FML

#19469205
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16759) - you deserved it (1774)

On 04/14/2012 at 10:21pm - misc - by ProsserBabe11 (woman) - United States

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

#21073034
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16757) - you deserved it (53146)

On 02/27/2014 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finally met the girl I've been talking to on phone for a while and found her charming in person as well. There's just one problem: she has more facial hair than I do. FML

#20159578
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16757) - you deserved it (5512)

On 11/11/2012 at 9:16pm - love - by x (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

#6910234
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16753) - you deserved it (5172)

On 12/23/2009 at 9:12pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML

#6656855
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16753) - you deserved it (4509)

On 12/07/2009 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by niquey62307 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to get my picture taken for a badge at the hospital. My sister came home and told my parents that she'd had a horrible day at work. They showed her my "hysterical" badge picture to cheer her up. FML

#19025712
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16750) - you deserved it (2163)

On 02/08/2012 at 10:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a party where I ate bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML

#6298765
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16747) - you deserved it (29757)

On 11/14/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by swedishdude (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, my girlfriend told me that she woke up after yesterday’s party with someone else’s trousers. FML

#562
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16745) - you deserved it (1517)

On 12/21/2008 at 4:40am - love - by Yudor - Sent from mobile version

Today, I pulled into a parking lot and waited for a car to back out so I could take their spot. The apparently batshit insane psychopath in the other car managed to completely overlook me waving him out, and backed straight into my car. FML

#19002086
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16745) - you deserved it (4310)

On 02/05/2012 at 3:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)



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