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Today, at work, I saw a lady leave her infant in a display crib so she could go shopping. When I stopped her and told her she couldn't do that, she said, "Well, I do it all the time". FML

by Oihana / 07/31/2015 at 11:30pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML

by N/A / 09/25/2012 at 12:13am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, my family threw me a surprise party for my 29th Birthday. My brother-in-law sent me a text telling me they were all waiting for me to arrive. Thinking it was at my sister's home, I drove two hours there. It was actually at my parents' house. I missed my party and they ate my cake. FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2010 at 1:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, after buying my girlfriend a $700 bracelet for Christmas, I hinted that I wanted a pair of Oakleys. She told me I shouldn't get her anything and that I should expect even less. FML

by hoogimo / 11/24/2010 at 5:55am / Money

Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2011 at 3:53pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2010 at 10:30pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML

by moopymoplady / 11/28/2011 at 7:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor was having work done in his apartment, and he'd warned me that there might be some noise. Yes, there was, what with all the town's firemen in the building after he'd ruptured the main gas pipe. FML

by Jolabanane / 05/21/2015 at 7:51am / France / Miscellaneous

Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2012 at 8:33pm / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He did it over Snapchat because he said he didn't want to hear me sad over the phone and wanted to save data. Three years down the drain. FML

by Out of Ice Cream / 09/29/2015 at 1:06pm / United States / Love

Today, I attended the wrong funeral. I spent twenty minutes trying to hide and walk away without being too conspicuous. FML

by Arlbethere / 02/25/2011 at 7:18am / United Kingdom (Northumberland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head against the wall. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2011 at 7:44am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working in a restaurant. On the receipt under "tip" someone actually took the time to write out "$0.00." FML

by ismerf19 / 12/21/2010 at 7:05pm / Money