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Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7639) - you deserved it (71364)
On 07/17/2009 at 6:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, after five different interviews, I got an offer for a great job. I was excited to fill out paperwork and get the ball rolling, until they called and said that I didn't pass the criminal background check. I get off probation in less than a week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7637) - you deserved it (23970)
On 02/18/2010 at 12:41pm - work - by prisonbitch - United States
Today, I was texting while making dinner. I went to pour the noodles into the boiling water and I dropped my phone in. Not thinking, I went to retreive it from the water. I now have a completely useless phone and a useless hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7631) - you deserved it (24182)
On 11/11/2009 at 7:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my dog is mad at me due to the fact that earlier in the day I ate 2 peanut butter cookies. Apparently, they were his dog treats. I had no idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7630) - you deserved it (22932)
On 07/03/2010 at 12:04am - animals - by peanuts (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend was having a really bad day, so I decided to call him and try to calm him down. At one point, I thought it would be sweet to sing him a song since he claimed to love my voice. Before I could get half way through, he told me to shut up because I was getting on his nerves and just making things worse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7628) - you deserved it (18925)
On 03/13/2010 at 10:17am - love - by sXeQueen (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, we had to evaluate each other in class. Apparently I'm a quarrelsome, uncommitted, commanding bitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7628) - you deserved it (22726)
On 02/09/2011 at 4:30am - misc - by Heretique (woman) - Norway (Finnmark)
Today, my girlfriend and I went out for ice cream. We somehow started talking about which of our relatives had died. Right when she was talking about how her grandfather had died, I started laughing. She had gotten ice cream all over her face. She broke up with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7627) - you deserved it (25162)
On 10/13/2010 at 5:02am - love - by your mother (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was the 10th caller on a radio show. I answered the question correctly. The DJ informed I won a free air guitar of my choosing. I yelled with excitement over the air. The DJ then instructed me how to use my new air guitar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7625) - you deserved it (20900)
On 03/09/2012 at 11:55am - misc - by h4rdy (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went shopping with a friend. She went to try some clothes on and came out to ask for my opinion. "Hell no! That shirt is awful!". She wanted to show me the pants. The shirt was hers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7623) - you deserved it (13921)
On 01/04/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by noname - Sent from mobile version
Today, my chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell, and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't, but it's nice to know my "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7621) - you deserved it (23298)
On 09/23/2010 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7617) - you deserved it (28309)
On 05/26/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by girly girly - United States (Texas)
Today, I was walking to my car tonight when I saw a large man walking behind me, I hurried to open my car as he was approaching quickly, my door wasn't unlocking and I panicked. It was then I noticed it wasnt even my car. As I walked away from the other car, he walked up and unlocked the door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7615) - you deserved it (36096)
On 03/03/2009 at 11:19pm - misc - by Fantastic (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I invited my boss and his family over for dinner. As usual, I bought his kids Christmas' presents, nothing too fancy though. This year, he had one more that wasn't here last year. So I just pulled something from under the tree to hand him. He opened it on the spot. It was my son's PS3. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7609) - you deserved it (33654)
On 12/25/2009 at 1:30am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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