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Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

#3604059
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16838) - you deserved it (55004)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I heard that there's a rumour going around that I was caught masturbating while crying at a party after the girl I liked got with someone else. FML

#7946481
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16832) - you deserved it (2140)

On 02/06/2010 at 7:28pm - intimacy - by anon - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I'm participating in a 30 hour awareness-raising event on famine in Africa. I'm supposed to hand out leaflets to people from my booth. My school decided to hand out a literal crate-load of free cupcakes right in front of us. FML

#19239512
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16831) - you deserved it (2494)

On 03/08/2012 at 2:15pm - misc - by hungry - Canada

Today, I was playing Apples to Apples with my girlfriend and a few others. The card that was drawn was labeled "pathetic". Among other cards that were laid down in attempts to be similar to "pathetic" was my girlfriend's card. She won with a create-a-card labeled "my sex life". FML

#20157215
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16831) - you deserved it (3964)

On 11/10/2012 at 6:02am - love - by anonymous - United States

Today, my friends and I had a long fun day at the river. That was until sundown. I now have mosquito bites in places you don't want to know. FML

#10511557
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16830) - you deserved it (9583)

On 05/13/2010 at 6:49pm - animals - by Alicia - United States (California)

Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML

#19468154
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16830) - you deserved it (10101)

On 04/14/2012 at 6:56pm - misc - by fuckbucket14 - Egypt (Al Bahr al Ahmar)

Today, there was a mandatory staff-wide "cleaning party" for a corporate inspection. I was assigned the outside bar which is infested with full-grown roaches with wings. FML

#19482004
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16829) - you deserved it (1538)

On 04/17/2012 at 12:26am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I bought my first iPhone. Today, I broke my first iPhone. FML

#19484468
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16829) - you deserved it (18577)

On 04/17/2012 at 3:23pm - misc - by phoneless - Jordan

Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML

#19995362
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16828) - you deserved it (885)

On 07/31/2012 at 9:54pm - work - by kaitlyna15 - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML

#20005444
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16828) - you deserved it (2043)

On 08/06/2012 at 7:20am - misc - by Spockx - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

#691341
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16820) - you deserved it (81302)

On 03/29/2009 at 10:08pm - animals - by trainE - United States (Michigan)

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

#748414
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16820) - you deserved it (104103)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:06pm - health - by nic (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got pulled over for the first time. When the officer came up to my window, I immediately burst out into tears due to nervousness. He kept asking me for my licence and registration. Hysterical, I wasn't able to comply. He arrested me for not cooperating. FML

#3783487
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16817) - you deserved it (45755)

On 07/15/2009 at 7:55pm - misc - by daisyann (woman) - United States (Texas)



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