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Today, my best friend was crying because her boyfriend is a retard. I brought my thumb up to wipe a tear off her face, and somehow stuck it up her nose. FML

#4457
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20861) - you deserved it (9815)

On 02/01/2009 at 3:11am - love - by FractalSanity - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML

#8509840
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20861) - you deserved it (6630)

On 02/21/2010 at 6:52am - intimacy - by foutu - Sent from mobile version

Today, I successfully stopped my hair straightener from falling into a bathtub full of water by grabbing hold of the burning hot plates. FML

#20006687
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20860) - you deserved it (7086)

On 08/06/2012 at 11:08pm - health - by anonymous - Australia

Today, my cat peed on my bra. I didn't realize this until after I arrived at work for my 12-hour shift. Now I'm trying to wash my bra out in the sink and stuff paper towels down it to soak up the moisture. Only 10 more hours to go, and the smell of cat pee is still lingering. FML

#20185014
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20857) - you deserved it (4101)

On 11/30/2012 at 3:33am - work - by onlyslightly (woman) - United States

Today, my boss sent me home from work because she saw me not checking under my customer's cart to see if they had any hidden groceries. I didn't check because the customer threatened to "kick my ass" if I "accused him of stealing" by checking. FML

#14408064
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20854) - you deserved it (7626)

On 12/31/2010 at 10:51am - work - by bad_luck (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I choked on my saliva during a medical interview. FML

#18988836
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20855) - you deserved it (2919)

On 02/04/2012 at 12:22am - health - by foxyreegan - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was reading a blog post by a girl that I really like. In the post, it said, "I know I'm not beautiful." I told her that I thought it wasn't true at all. She responded by crying hysterically and asking me why I would say that. It turned out that it actually said, "I know I'm beautiful." FML

#15714143
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20851) - you deserved it (28153)

On 04/09/2011 at 8:24pm - love - by Arran (man) - United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent)

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML

#19641486
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20848) - you deserved it (4668)

On 05/18/2012 at 11:05am - love - by Great. (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, while watching TV with my wife, I realized that we were still watching "My Little Pony" even though the kids had been asleep for half an hour. FML

#19495403
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20847) - you deserved it (5116)

On 04/19/2012 at 12:08pm - misc - by ajnmegs - United States (Colorado)

Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML

#20134163
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20848) - you deserved it (2814)

On 10/26/2012 at 12:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML

#19129332
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20841) - you deserved it (24580)

On 02/21/2012 at 3:10am - intimacy - by desperate905 - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I moved into a lovely basement suite. Unfortunately, the 12 year old upstairs plays violin. She also plays baritone. She said she alternates each day. FML

#18278500
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20838) - you deserved it (2633)

On 11/18/2011 at 12:54am - misc - by guest - Canada

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

#3486
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20837) - you deserved it (5655)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)



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