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Today, while at my shitty, minimum wage job at McDonalds, a guy walked out of the bathroom. He said "Good luck in there." worriedly, then left. I don't know if it was his handiwork, but it looked like a shit grenade had detonated. It was even on the walls. FML

by don't get paid enough for this / 07/10/2015 at 10:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I found out the reason why my therapist was so nice to me all of the time. Apparently, she is afraid that I'm going to stab her if she pisses me off. FML

by Josh / 09/27/2011 at 1:14am / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, my boss yelled at me for being 3 hours late. I was late because I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. Apparently, breaking my arm is not a good enough excuse. FML

by MoonStarShine3 / 06/09/2015 at 12:12pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Work

Today, I checked my university financial account to discover I owed them over $1000. The reason? They had apparently given me too much money when I applied for a loan and now want it back. Oh, and I spent my loan money on books and a laptop for school. FML

by boned / 01/27/2010 at 12:25am / United States (Utah) / Money

Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a page long note from her friend talking about my mother's crazy drunk sex stories and describing multiple sexual encounters she had while on a pool table. I am deeply scarred forever. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 7:20pm / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy

Today, at my workplace, a TV was installed just above my register at work which plays the same mind-numbingly awful 13 second ad on loop for the duration of our latest sale. The sale lasts for what are going to be three very long weeks. FML

by Kris / 08/07/2011 at 4:37pm / China / Work

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

by JAdams / 08/12/2012 at 8:49pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids

Today, the job search agency that I use asked me to stop sending in my resume, as no one had hired me in three years, and that the situation was unlikely to change. FML

by crushed / 09/29/2011 at 10:32am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML

by Jakesssss / 04/09/2015 at 9:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, a hummingbird somehow got into my house. I spent two and a half hours trying to get it out after finally using a blanket to catch it. I run outside to release it from my hands, and it flew back into my house. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2010 at 12:17pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I got into an accident and my car was totaled. My friends then took me out to a bar for a drink to make me feel better. It appears that the police officer had kept my I.D by mistake and I couldn't get into the bar. FML

by Username / 02/09/2011 at 9:48pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML

by JG / 05/10/2012 at 7:48am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was so broke that I paid for a $0.28 candy bar with my credit card. FML

by Username / 07/01/2011 at 5:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Money