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Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML

#21425418
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25110) - you deserved it (2434)

On 06/13/2015 at 11:47am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

#8038027
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25105) - you deserved it (2670)

On 02/09/2010 at 12:27am - misc - by wurtabang - United States (Virginia)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my sister, but they already knew each other from my sister's work. She's an exotic dancer. FML

#19966736
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25106) - you deserved it (2406)

On 07/21/2012 at 2:18am - misc - by Closingwild - Mexico (Jalisco)

Today, after being admitted to the emergency room for severe abdominal pain, my boyfriend shouted out in front of my parents, "At least she isn't pregnant!" FML

#17959837
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25105) - you deserved it (3002)

On 10/11/2011 at 1:43pm - health - by letmedienow - United States

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

#17694165
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25103) - you deserved it (2908)

On 09/08/2011 at 1:23am - misc - by all5fingers - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out my husband potty trained my stubborn three year old son who prefers diapers. He managed this by peeing with him and "sword-fighting" with their urine streams. I now have to clean pee off the ground every time he urinates. FML

#21421959
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25101) - you deserved it (2229)

On 06/06/2015 at 9:17pm - kids - by diapersplease (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while at dinner with my current boyfriend, my ex walked in with his new girlfriend. The waiter put them at the table next to ours, and the two of them had a front row seat to me spilling an entire guacamole salad on my lap out of nervousness. FML

#13045440
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25100) - you deserved it (6170)

On 09/14/2010 at 3:57am - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mom gave me my Christmas gift. It was a letter containing $200 and a note saying, "Here's the down payment for your apartment, please just move out already." I turned 18 last week. Thanks mom. FML

#14331455
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25097) - you deserved it (2961)

On 12/25/2010 at 3:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad wants me to spray a wasp nest, because I'm the fittest family member and can run the fastest. The wasps are already angry, and I'm allergic to them. FML

#20052266
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25096) - you deserved it (1619)

On 09/01/2012 at 10:09am - health - by iliveintexas - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking in the shoes I'm going to wear for a wedding and fell, spraining my ankle. I'm the Matron of Honor and I can barely walk. The wedding is in three days. FML

Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML

Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what posessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to dicuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML

#19786786
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25093) - you deserved it (2243)

On 06/14/2012 at 11:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML

#20093277
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25094) - you deserved it (4808)

On 09/29/2012 at 5:14am - intimacy - by BabyG2222 - United States (Wisconsin)



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