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Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed, and sat down to eat breakfast... I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal. FML

#19645294
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20460) - you deserved it (3866)

On 05/19/2012 at 4:03am - work - by themcdave - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML

#8837524
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20459) - you deserved it (11271)

On 03/05/2010 at 12:17am - animals - by Catois (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML

#19440536
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20458) - you deserved it (2423)

On 04/09/2012 at 11:50pm - animals - by Lee (woman) - United States

Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML

#20051346
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20459) - you deserved it (4161)

On 08/31/2012 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my husband that after fifteen years of marriage, I wanted a divorce. His first question was whether or not he could still go on the family cruise my parents are paying for in May. FML

#8995755
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20452) - you deserved it (9373)

On 03/11/2010 at 12:13pm - love - by danikka1 - United States

Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying "You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number." I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML

#13502954
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20452) - you deserved it (5188)

On 10/18/2010 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

#19597798
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20451) - you deserved it (1913)

On 05/09/2012 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, knowing that I have been in a lot of stress lately, my friend tried to teach me how to meditate. Eventually, I ended up in a deeply relaxed state in which my mind was completely clear. When I snapped out of it, I realized I'd peed myself. FML

#20163308
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20451) - you deserved it (2985)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:55pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while at work, I cringed as I noticed my caveman colleague frantically digging into his nose and then continuing the use of his computer. I work in IT support and will be rebuilding his computer and reinstalling all his applications in 30 minutes time. FML

#14034046
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20450) - you deserved it (1956)

On 11/30/2010 at 9:07am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I slipped in a pile of vomit someone left for me on the train platform on the way to work, spraying puke all over both of my legs. It's only 6:30am. It's going to be a long day. FML

Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML

#19920201
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20450) - you deserved it (5659)

On 07/10/2012 at 7:10pm - animals - by Nomoreballs (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go to the bathroom. He said "Okay baby, go drop your load." He also used the same voice as when he talks to his cat. FML

#13257198
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20447) - you deserved it (3932)

On 09/29/2010 at 11:17pm - animals - by peepee. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was fixing a leak in the roof. When I was climbing down the ladder, it fell, but I managed to grab the ledge of the roof. The ladder hit my wife's car, then I fell on top of the ladder. My wife came running out to ask what happened to the car. FML

#19478147
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20447) - you deserved it (2225)

On 04/16/2012 at 11:52am - health - by fhe - Puerto Rico



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