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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

#20691781
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23028) - you deserved it (47703)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:42pm - work - by Amber - United States (California)

Today, at my boyfriend's house, I met his mother for the first time. And promptly fell in their pond. FML

#17584305
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23028) - you deserved it (3617)

On 08/26/2011 at 6:41am - love - by the girlfriend (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my finger nail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML

#19241359
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23027) - you deserved it (2539)

On 03/08/2012 at 7:30pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, I started my first day of work. I was told to absorb everything going on and to get used to the high-paced flow of things. I've been sitting at my desk for two hours now, and the office has been empty since I've walked in. FML

#13276180
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23025) - you deserved it (2647)

On 10/01/2010 at 12:55pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I found out my home health patient purposely drinks tons of prune juice every night so I will have a huge mess to clean up in the morning because I'm "a lazy bastard" and I "need to work harder." FML

#19885470
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23025) - you deserved it (2394)

On 07/03/2012 at 11:08am - work - by melikeyturtles - United States (Illinois)

Today, it's my twenty first birthday. My biggest birthday surprise was discovering that I'm alcohol intolerant, by vomiting my first beer all over my boyfriend's mother. FML

#19359815
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23025) - you deserved it (4124)

On 03/27/2012 at 9:08pm - health - by Anna - United States

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

#2459150
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23023) - you deserved it (75918)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)

Today, I made a phone call in my office to my doctor. He wanted to call a prescription to my pharmacy, but wanted to know by what method I would prefer my medication. During our conversation, a group of potential clients walked in just as I exclaimed "I definitely prefer oral." FML

#19827814
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23023) - you deserved it (3182)

On 06/22/2012 at 3:28am - work - by me - United States (Indiana)

Today, after being upset at the fact that my phone was stolen at work, I received a note on my locker saying, "100 bucks and you get the phone back." My phone is being held for ransom. FML

#19972193
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23023) - you deserved it (1582)

On 07/22/2012 at 1:04am - work - by missingphoneproblems (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

#1415955
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23022) - you deserved it (101392)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I received an e-mail from the Unemployment Department saying they had a job referral for me. After excitedly reading the description, I realised it was the job I'd just been fired from (at a much higher pay). If I don't go through the application process, I will be denied my unemployment. FML

#8862243
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23022) - you deserved it (2182)

On 03/06/2010 at 2:28am - work - by AlyssaBC (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML

#6791199
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23020) - you deserved it (5037)

On 12/17/2009 at 9:32am - animals - by gettingacat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the only reason my ex husband calls my son anymore, is to ask him to send him things on Facebook. FML

#9077229
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23018) - you deserved it (2159)

On 03/14/2010 at 4:14pm - kids - by mommy - United States



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