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Today, I was working behind the bar at a club. After serving drinks to a guy, he asked me if I could carry them outside to the two girls waiting for him. I scowled at him and told him I wasn't a waitress. That's when I realised he had one arm. FML

#20910594
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22032) - you deserved it (51607)

On 10/07/2013 at 3:37am - work - by bitch (woman) - Australia

Today, I went to my regular pharmacist of three months, and since I've always seen him on a crutch, I asked him how his leg was. His response: "Still missing". FML

#19903690
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22030) - you deserved it (6224)

On 07/07/2012 at 3:26am - misc - by sozzy - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML

#5735053
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22027) - you deserved it (3563)

On 10/09/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by 310 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom realized we have been sharing tooth brushes because they are similar colors. I told her it doesn't really matter since we're mother and daughter. She responded by saying that she loves me, but she has no idea where my mouth has been, and she doesn't want my diseases. Thanks mom. FML

#13383156
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22025) - you deserved it (9593)

On 10/09/2010 at 8:47pm - health - by nikki (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was babysitting a little girl, and we were playing with dolls. After we fed her babies, we put them down for a nap. After a few minutes, I asked if they'd had enough sleep. She looked at me like I was a freak and said, "Uh, they're not real babies, you know..." FML

#19867200
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22026) - you deserved it (3203)

On 06/29/2012 at 4:48pm - kids - by friend (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, my husband informed me that his father adopted a dog. I replied "Cool," he then said, "She happens to have your name." I think my father in law is trying to send me a message. FML

#13615353
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22024) - you deserved it (2501)

On 10/27/2010 at 2:46pm - animals - by Florida - United States (California)

Today, my mom came home from surgery. Upon arriving home, she flashed a paper in my face and said, "Want to see pictures of my colon?" My eyes are still burning. FML

#18703060
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22025) - you deserved it (2766)

On 01/04/2012 at 1:15am - health - by emsbuffalo - United States

Today, my friends and I planned to go to a waterpark together. However, due to a "miscommunication," I, and only I, was given both the wrong time and the wrong meeting place. I spent three hours sitting in a parking lot in little more than my swimming suit. FML

#20004339
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22024) - you deserved it (2484)

On 08/05/2012 at 6:05pm - misc - by crissy becks - United States (California)

Today, I went to the mall and had to parallel park. It took me 10 to 12 minutes of maneuvering before I got into the slot. When I turned off the car and got out, there were 8 people laughing hysterically and clapping for me. FML

#3706736
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22020) - you deserved it (42005)

On 07/13/2009 at 1:14am - misc - by greek_dancer (woman) - United States

Today, while setting up for a party I was having, I put black lights into our bathroom for the cool bright, neon color you get when you pee. When I turn them on to see where I need to continue cleaning, I see many, small, yellow hand prints on the walls. I have a nine year old brother. FML

#13660294
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22019) - you deserved it (2760)

On 10/31/2010 at 5:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had shelves installed using a builder who came highly recommended by my co-worker. Turns out the builder is her friend, who has no actual qualifications or experience as a builder, but 'it's his dream'. I now have a gaping hole in my kitchen where the shelves should be. FML

#18719100
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22020) - you deserved it (4762)

On 01/05/2012 at 7:37pm - misc - by neveragain89 (woman) - Australia

Today, I was at work, nonchalantly spinning my keys around my finger when they flew off and hit a glass cabinet. Broken glass showered passing customers. I don't think I'll have a job to go to tomorrow. FML

#16359885
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22018) - you deserved it (18428)

On 05/26/2011 at 5:26pm - work - by kernewek (man) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, I was walking to work, when I slipped and landed on my tail bone. Worse still, my hot coffee went flying into my face. I currently can't see out of my left eye. FML

#8443667
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22016) - you deserved it (1956)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:44pm - health - by corleon198425 - United States



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