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Today, I was about to leave for my honeymoon with my new husband, when he saw my deodorant in my bag. He picked it up and asked what it was. When I said it was deodorant, he gave me a confused look and said "girls don't wear deodorant". He actually believed that. FML

by stanky / 06/19/2015 at 10:47am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I was following a makeup tutorial on YouTube. The girl said to apply concealer to any "problem areas" on my face. When I was done, 90% of my face was covered in concealer. FML

by demaris / 10/30/2010 at 7:46pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom and I heard a thump from inside the coat closet. I opened the door, and something fell on me. My mom, who was behind me, screamed, closed the laundry room door, and ran into the garage, leaving me to face the alleged attacker. It was the vacuum. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 4:49pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Love

Today, I walked from my friend's wedding to my divorce. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2015 at 7:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I accidentally walked in on my dad as he was getting changed. Now I know genetics can be a real bitch. With such a massive difference in size, I have to question whether I'm even biologically related to this old three-legged git. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2015 at 9:02am / Intimacy

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML

by Anonymous / 05/24/2015 at 10:14am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my Mum has spent the money she's been saving for my wedding on moving house. She called saving for a wedding for me a 'pointless cause' as it's probably never going to happen now. I'm only 22. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2011 at 8:14am / United Kingdom / Money

Today, I had the most excitement I have felt in the last two months when I went to a drugstore and they had my favourite bandaids. FML

Today, at my workplace, a TV was installed just above my register at work which plays the same mind-numbingly awful 13 second ad on loop for the duration of our latest sale. The sale lasts for what are going to be three very long weeks. FML

by Kris / 08/07/2011 at 4:37pm / China / Work

Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML

by Dammit... / 11/19/2010 at 9:45pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was working my shift at the store, my girlfriend appeared and asked to talk to me. Once we were alone, she burst into tears and started sobbing. Turns out someone's dad died in her favorite TV show and she wanted some comfort. FML

by Mitch / 07/19/2012 at 1:36pm / Puerto Rico / Love

Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML

by panda / 03/03/2011 at 6:20am / Animals