Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I wanted to take a bubble bath with the jets in the bath that I haven't used in years. When I got in, it took me a while to realize that the jets had squirted out slime and a family of unidentifiable bugs that have probably been living there for years. FML

#20060052
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22155) - you deserved it (8277)

On 09/06/2012 at 2:38am - misc - by juliannamelissa - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML

#6583595
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22154) - you deserved it (3164)

On 12/03/2009 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by Silent - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I was babysitting. The kid said he had to use the bathroom. When I told him to go ahead, he said he just did. He was on my lap. He wasn't wearing pants. FML

#8125309
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22151) - you deserved it (7098)

On 02/11/2010 at 8:33am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I walked into the kitchen to eat some breakfast. I got a full visual of my drunk neighbor dancing naked in my backyard. FML

#19297071
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22150) - you deserved it (1836)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:41pm - misc - by vanorav (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took off the training wheels of my niece's bike. I tried to show her how to ride it, but she told me to get off because I needed a fat girl's bike. FML

#19510185
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22150) - you deserved it (5870)

On 04/22/2012 at 8:09am - kids - by Mary Kathryn (woman) - United States (California)

Today, we had our whole staff photo. We all had to stand up in rows in height order, as I'm tall I had to stand in the middle, at the back. I'm horribly claustrophobic and ended up fainting in front of 100 colleagues, taking down 4 people around me. FML

#19144680
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22150) - you deserved it (3094)

On 02/23/2012 at 7:11am - work - by photofaint - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I went jet skiing with my girlfriend of four years. I intended to propose to her. The $2000 ring fell out of my pocket and into the lake. I have no idea where it is. FML

#13317207
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22147) - you deserved it (47014)

On 10/04/2010 at 2:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I wanted to remove my mustache hair with hot wax. The hair is still there, but my skin is all burnt dark brown. Tomorrow is my first day at school. FML

#7378045
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22145) - you deserved it (10795)

On 01/16/2010 at 1:16pm - misc - by queenofdeath - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I reached for my beer and took a huge swallow before I realized that I had picked up my friend's tobacco spit cup. "Vomit" is not a strong enough word to describe what happened next. FML

#1314
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22142) - you deserved it (5148)

On 01/15/2009 at 11:57pm - misc - by blegh - Switzerland (Ticino)

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

#19421032
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22140) - you deserved it (2842)

On 04/07/2012 at 12:32am - animals - by day001313 (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

#19475890
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22136) - you deserved it (3056)

On 04/15/2012 at 11:10pm - kids - by sigh (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

#7870417
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22134) - you deserved it (3066)

On 02/04/2010 at 3:40am - health - by littlespoon (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML

#8658326
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22132) - you deserved it (6211)

On 02/26/2010 at 4:09am - misc - by ilovecowboys (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: