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Today, I learned that when your mom threatens to embarrass you by singing in public, the wrong response is, "Yeah? I dare you." FML

Today, I returned a rental car and almost got charged extra for the "funky and rotten" smell in the car. I blamed it on a sausage roll, not having the heart to tell the woman it was my fart from a minute before. FML

#21335609
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24720) - you deserved it (6735)

On 01/12/2015 at 4:46am - misc - by Anonymous - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I got a haircut, and after thanking the stylist I went up front to pay. The lady behind the counter took one look at me, smiled and said "well, now you'll need a hat." FML

#7196833
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24722) - you deserved it (2318)

On 01/07/2010 at 9:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I decided to get some exercise for the first time in months. I went to the store and bought a brand new bicycle and all the necessary paraphernalia. I drove a half hour to a bike trail, unloaded the bike, and started riding. 10 feet later, the chain snapped. FML

#13273465
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24718) - you deserved it (3819)

On 10/01/2010 at 4:35am - health - by parisite - Sent from mobile version

Today, as I was leaving for my chemistry exam, I stepped on one of the countless sheets of chemistry notes that littered the floor following last night's studying. I managed to slip and knock myself out in my own living room. FML

#20489863
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24718) - you deserved it (6054)

On 02/02/2013 at 2:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was walking through the mall with my boyfriend of a year and a half. There was sign outside of the jewelry store that said, "Engagement Rings-No interest for 12 months." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replied, "That's right...NO INTEREST." FML

#151605
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24718) - you deserved it (46419)

On 02/27/2009 at 10:18am - love - by Ma.Sa.La. (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML

#18360363
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24716) - you deserved it (3974)

On 11/26/2011 at 9:33pm - misc - by Matthew - United States (Texas)

Today, I pulled a muscle in my right shoulder and can barely move my arm. My friends keep asking if I'm sure it wasn't from jerking off too much. Truth is, I pulled it by playing on my computer too much. FML

Today, I went to Ikea with my family. I was wearing a yellow polo that vaguely looked like the ones the Ikea employees were wearing. Two dozen people came up to me, complaining that I was staring at furniture instead of helping customers. FML

#13698709
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24713) - you deserved it (11478)

On 11/03/2010 at 6:43am - misc - by MissIsabel - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend opened the car door in a very kind and loving way. What wasn't so kind and loving was that my hand was still half-way when he closed it. FML

#17407697
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24713) - you deserved it (3343)

On 08/08/2011 at 2:11pm - health - by oops (woman) - South Africa (Eastern Cape)

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, telling him how much I loved him. His answer? "Less lovin' more humpin'." This happens every single time. FML

#17447150
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24713) - you deserved it (28110)

On 08/12/2011 at 2:14am - intimacy - by fml - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML

#19987541
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24715) - you deserved it (7287)

On 07/27/2012 at 3:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Ostfold)

Today, at the old folk's home where I work as a housekeeper, a resident was holding herself on the way to the bathroom. I hoped she wouldn't leave a mess. She made it just fine. I was then informed that she had left a crap trail from the couch, more than 20ft away. FML

#6351075
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24711) - you deserved it (2410)

On 11/18/2009 at 1:17am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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