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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was giving myself a breast exam for lumps. I heard laughing, looked around and saw that the 12 year-old neighbor and his friends were watching through the window. FML

#14374773
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23945) - you deserved it (10953)

On 12/28/2010 at 10:20pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found thousands of ants in a secret nest in an unused corner of my apartment. They were feeding on the baking mix I forgot in a box from moving two months ago, and the queen has been laying her eggs on my wireless router. FML

#17710683
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23945) - you deserved it (14367)

On 09/10/2011 at 11:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally received my passport. Too bad my flight to Italy left last week. FML

#19070055
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23945) - you deserved it (6942)

On 02/13/2012 at 11:22pm - misc - by ontherun2012 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out that I have to reschedule my upcoming honeymoon because my office will be understaffed that week, due to the boss going on vacation right after my wedding. Oh, yeah, and he's in my bridal party. FML

#14738244
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23944) - you deserved it (2286)

On 01/27/2011 at 11:24pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, a friend sent me a song. I didn't have time to listen to it all, so I listened to the first 30 seconds of it to get a feel for it. It was nice and uplifting, so I sent it to my mom. Turns out, after the first 30 seconds, the singer brightens his day by singing about his enormous penis. FML

#21366785
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23943) - you deserved it (11403)

On 03/02/2015 at 7:48pm - misc - by Microtron - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend bought a new toaster. It not only pops up the bread when done, it also beeps loudly. It makes me scream in terror every single time. My boyfriend has now vowed to "Toast 'til the end of time." It's going to be a long year. FML

Today, I was working as a service writer in an auto service shop. A really cute girl came in to buy a headlight, I offered to install the bulb for her. My hand got stuck behind the headlight, she had to ask one of our mechanics to come remove the air box from her car to get my hand out. FML

#2958719
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23940) - you deserved it (9316)

On 06/16/2009 at 11:42pm - work - by stuck (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter swimming. While sitting in the hot tub, my daughter pointed to the elderly man sitting across from us and mumbled something. I couldn't understand her, so I asked her to repeat it. After two more attempts, she shouted, "MOM! He has big boobs!" FML

#13912441
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23940) - you deserved it (6604)

On 11/20/2010 at 2:07pm - kids - by Lexi - Canada

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

#10539728
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23940) - you deserved it (2329)

On 05/15/2010 at 1:09am - health - by bitten (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

#17379183
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23941) - you deserved it (2913)

On 08/05/2011 at 4:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, we took the kids to the local pond near my sister-in-law's to feed the geese. I hadn't been there before, and thought I'd take a picture. I turned around to adjust my camera, but the geese, realizing the feast had ended, took flight. Before I could react I was showered with goose shit. FML

#6474264
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23940) - you deserved it (3688)

On 11/27/2009 at 2:45am - misc - by fml...really (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I checked my university financial account to discover I owed them over $1000. The reason? They had apparently given me too much money when I applied for a loan and now want it back. Oh, and I spent my loan money on books and a laptop for school. FML

#7604167
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23938) - you deserved it (2832)

On 01/27/2010 at 12:25am - money - by boned (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend didn't get me a present. He did, however, get me a card from our cat. He signed it "Have a purrrrfect birthday." Then he left to go to work. I was alone all day long. FML

#7110537
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23937) - you deserved it (5856)

On 01/02/2010 at 8:17pm - love - by garfwebba (woman) - United States (Maine)



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

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