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Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

#20134512
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26341) - you deserved it (3511)

On 10/26/2012 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I fell asleep while watching an action movie. My newly installed surround sound system scared me so bad that I fell off the couch and smashed my face on our coffee table. FML

#17171472
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26339) - you deserved it (11694)

On 07/19/2011 at 12:43am - misc - by nataliepaige - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML

#20135660
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26338) - you deserved it (14356)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by whoreticulturalist (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, I went out and bought a copy of Black Ops 2. I got home and opened the case, only to see the game disk was missing. When I went back to the store to complain, the guy at the desk accused me of trying to pull an old scam on him. FML

#20175155
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26335) - you deserved it (2624)

On 11/23/2012 at 12:20pm - money - by FUCK A FUCKING DUCK (man) - Bahamas (New Providence)

Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. While I was running on the treadmill, my beer belly pushed against the emergency stop button, twice. FML

#21427019
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26335) - you deserved it (5188)

On 06/16/2015 at 1:27pm - health - by Iarla_ceapaire93 - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I met at a masquerade. The moment he saw me without my mask on, he left the date. FML

#8892193
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26333) - you deserved it (3214)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:38pm - misc - by workinggirl (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, I got a missed call from a lady at an employment agency asking why I hadn't turned up to an information session for a potential job. Yesterday, the same lady told me the job position was canceled. FML

#15087030
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26333) - you deserved it (2208)

On 02/23/2011 at 2:10am - work - by ellie (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was fired for being a very happy and perky employee. According to my boss, it freaks both the customers and my co-workers out. FML

#17780072
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26332) - you deserved it (6363)

On 09/19/2011 at 11:56am - work - by Lexiebear27 - United States

Today, my dad wants me to spray a wasp nest, because I'm the fittest family member and can run the fastest. The wasps are already angry, and I'm allergic to them. FML

#20052266
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26331) - you deserved it (1713)

On 09/01/2012 at 10:09am - health - by iliveintexas - United States (Texas)

Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML

#12077410
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26329) - you deserved it (9782)

On 07/24/2010 at 1:09am - kids - by HarvestMoon_gal (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went with my friends to see a movie. I handed my student card over to the cashier as proof I was old enough to see it, and he started laughing hysterically at my picture. Then he called over a colleague, who also started laughing. FML

#19233268
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26329) - you deserved it (2587)

On 03/07/2012 at 1:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML

#20122551
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26328) - you deserved it (3060)

On 10/18/2012 at 2:19pm - misc - by not as scarred as he should be (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

#20135099
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26326) - you deserved it (7395)

On 10/27/2012 at 2:42am - work - by geena - United States (Illinois)



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