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Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, telling him how much I loved him. His answer? "Less lovin' more humpin'." This happens every single time. FML

#17447150
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24712) - you deserved it (28110)

On 08/12/2011 at 2:14am - intimacy - by fml - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to Ikea with my family. I was wearing a yellow polo that vaguely looked like the ones the Ikea employees were wearing. Two dozen people came up to me, complaining that I was staring at furniture instead of helping customers. FML

#13698709
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24711) - you deserved it (11476)

On 11/03/2010 at 6:43am - misc - by MissIsabel - Sent from mobile version

Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML

#19987541
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24711) - you deserved it (7288)

On 07/27/2012 at 3:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Ostfold)

Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML

#17497586
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24710) - you deserved it (11248)

On 08/17/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by aprilfools22 - United States (California)

Today, at the old folk's home where I work as a housekeeper, a resident was holding herself on the way to the bathroom. I hoped she wouldn't leave a mess. She made it just fine. I was then informed that she had left a crap trail from the couch, more than 20ft away. FML

#6351075
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24709) - you deserved it (2410)

On 11/18/2009 at 1:17am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I thought about my boyfriend and all the things we used to do together years ago. Today, I also spent the day doing my now husband's laundry and watching him sit on the couch with his hand inside his underwear. FML

#7957941
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24708) - you deserved it (5505)

On 02/07/2010 at 12:15am - love - by Bruja5 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my sister set it so all the Yahoo articles I read are published on my Facebook wall. This would have been fine had I not decided to read, "Does the gynecologist care if you shave?" FML

#18957041
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24707) - you deserved it (4892)

On 01/30/2012 at 10:54pm - misc - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, after applying at over 30 businesses over the past 6 months, I have had not one single call. I later find out that I was using my old phone number on the applications, and my secondary phone was my mom's. She thought they were telemarketers. FML

#20922298
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24706) - you deserved it (41162)

On 10/16/2013 at 12:40am - work - by LFE - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the dentist to get a baby tooth which had decayed removed. After almost an hour, I came out with a numb mouth and a missing tooth for life. It was not a baby tooth. FML

#7148180
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24705) - you deserved it (5774)

On 01/04/2010 at 5:29pm - health - by meh (woman) - United Kingdom (Shropshire)

Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on how to properly put on a condom. She doesn't trust me. FML

#13764909
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24705) - you deserved it (7855)

On 11/08/2010 at 1:23pm - intimacy - by wow (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I offered "Girls Gone Wild" as an example of bad TV in my lecture thinking it was a reality TV show. It's porn. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

#6489348
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24703) - you deserved it (8839)

On 11/28/2009 at 1:32am - love - by tjcl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML

#21381631
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24703) - you deserved it (2492)

On 03/25/2015 at 11:43pm - health - by anonymous - United States



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