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Today, I witnessed my mother-in-law reach into my wife's purse and practically empty it out into her pocket. When I confronted her and called my wife into the room, both of them accused me of lying through my teeth, because I've always hated her. FML

by hate enough to kill... / 10/14/2012 at 4:57pm / Netherlands (Limburg) / Money

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad turns around and says he was expecting him to have a guide dog. This is why I don't have much confidence in myself. FML

by hitnmiss66 / 05/27/2012 at 8:31pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

by stonehengeva / 07/26/2015 at 11:00pm / United States (Virginia) / Money

Today, I decided to let in my new German Shepherd puppy inside to show the guest how adorable he is. In the middle of our conversation, he came running up to us with my vibrator in his mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2010 at 3:37am / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that something's wrong when you have to go to a mental hospital for a family reunion. FML

by neverthesame / 03/28/2012 at 10:53pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, due to a health insurance mix up, my schizophrenic girlfriend has been off her meds for a little over a week. She's convinced I can read her mind, and if I don't stop "pretending" she'll slit my throat in my sleep. Her medication won't be available for at least another two weeks. FML

Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2015 at 8:12am / Belgium / Miscellaneous

Today, a girl was making fun of me for being a virgin and, "never seeing a nipple". I have three. FML

by uhoh.. / 03/22/2015 at 3:51pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "smash hit record" took on a whole new meaning. FML

by ChampionshipVinyl / 04/18/2012 at 2:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I received a marriage proposal at work from a 70 year old man covered in dirt from head to toe, who offered to be my "sugar daddy." I guess I have options after all. FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2010 at 8:42pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, a boy I'm not even dating took it upon himself to tell me that we would never work out. Via text message. FML

by wowza / 01/31/2009 at 11:52am / United States / Love

Today, my Art Director once again turned down a demo model (for an advertisement) that I'd been working on for a week. This time he took his belt off and started thrashing the model to pieces. FML

by Fuzy / 12/14/2008 at 10:24pm / Work

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

by Juiced / 09/26/2012 at 2:46pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy