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Today, a girl was making fun of me for being a virgin and, "never seeing a nipple". I have three. FML

by uhoh.. / 03/22/2015 at 3:51pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, I was on a crowded bus on the way back from my boyfriend's when I suddenly had a terrible nose bleed. I had no tissues, so instead I had to use last night's underwear from my bag. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 5:47am / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML

by FMyEx / 12/06/2012 at 6:50am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

by stonehengeva / 07/26/2015 at 11:00pm / United States (Virginia) / Money

Today, my boyfriend did the washing as an attempt to help me. Not only are all my clothes now pink, he refuses to do the dishes, vacuuming, bathroom, ironing etc., as he has done "plenty." FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2011 at 10:32am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to let in my new German Shepherd puppy inside to show the guest how adorable he is. In the middle of our conversation, he came running up to us with my vibrator in his mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2010 at 3:37am / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy

Today, while at my shitty, minimum wage job at McDonalds, a guy walked out of the bathroom. He said "Good luck in there." worriedly, then left. I don't know if it was his handiwork, but it looked like a shit grenade had detonated. It was even on the walls. FML

by don't get paid enough for this / 07/10/2015 at 10:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "smash hit record" took on a whole new meaning. FML

by ChampionshipVinyl / 04/18/2012 at 2:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I witnessed my mother-in-law reach into my wife's purse and practically empty it out into her pocket. When I confronted her and called my wife into the room, both of them accused me of lying through my teeth, because I've always hated her. FML

by hate enough to kill... / 10/14/2012 at 4:57pm / Netherlands (Limburg) / Money

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

by Juiced / 09/26/2012 at 2:46pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I learned that my brakes don't work anymore on my bike. When did I learn this? While speeding down a really steep hill. FML

by ouch / 08/07/2011 at 3:12am / Mexico (Baja California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that something's wrong when you have to go to a mental hospital for a family reunion. FML

by neverthesame / 03/28/2012 at 10:53pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, a few weeks after teaching my dog to fetch my phone and drop it in my lap, he decided to do it spontaneously. Too bad I was in the bath at the time. There goes a $300 phone. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2015 at 1:18pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals