Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML

#6891757
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20985) - you deserved it (2279)

On 12/22/2009 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by omgboobs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after 3 nights of insomnia, I was finally able to doze off. My boyfriend woke me up just to ask which soda in the fridge was mine. FML

#20062839
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20985) - you deserved it (1646)

On 09/08/2012 at 5:57am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad explained to me the "chain of command" for our house. McKinley, Mom, himself, Charlie, then me. McKinley is my two year old daughter and Charlie is the dog. He was dead serious. FML

#13623342
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20976) - you deserved it (5030)

On 10/28/2010 at 2:39am - animals - by katie06 - United States

Today, I chaperoned a school dance. A song I knew came on, and, wanting to be the fun teacher, I danced around a little. The students then pointed and laughed. I graduated in '87 and high school still hurts. FML

#20102154
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20972) - you deserved it (5676)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:44pm - work - by highschoolsucks - United States

Today, I came home sick. After a while I received a text message. I thought it was a sweet 'how are you baby?' from my boyfriend. It wasn't. He sent: 'Hey, I'm going to work now. Please do not disturb. Thank you!' FML

#13861090
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20971) - you deserved it (5199)

On 11/16/2010 at 1:34am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, I was on the bus during rush hour. A fly started buzzing around my head, and I swatted at it, at the exact moment the woman beside me decided to get out of her seat and put her face straight in the path of my hand. FML

#19502060
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20970) - you deserved it (2611)

On 04/20/2012 at 5:48pm - misc - by apparentlyawomanbeater (man) - Switzerland (Ticino)

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by. The attackers used water guns. FML

#17724131
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20963) - you deserved it (5720)

On 09/11/2011 at 10:50pm - misc - by COCKYmanUSC - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I got engaged. My family is already placing bets on how long it will take for my fiancée to "wise up and ditch" me. FML

#20077487
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20963) - you deserved it (1937)

On 09/18/2012 at 7:22am - love - by thanksfamily (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while on vacation with my family, my mother told me to put my phone in her purse, so it wouldn't get stolen. Someone stole her purse. FML

#20026393
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20960) - you deserved it (1810)

On 08/17/2012 at 12:45pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

#6910234
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20959) - you deserved it (6640)

On 12/23/2009 at 9:12pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was in the ER where I work as a registrar. A patient received a plastic urinal to use in his room. Most patients throw them away when they leave. He, however, decided to take it with him, and as he checked out, put it on the registration counter. Two feet from my face. It was used. FML

#17845071
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20959) - you deserved it (2386)

On 09/27/2011 at 1:18am - work - by CathyM - United States (Virginia)

Today, my best friend told me to face my fear of cows and hop over the fence in with them. This resulted in me being chased by a raging cow, and thrusting myself head first over a fence. FML

#17087035
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20957) - you deserved it (13852)

On 07/12/2011 at 11:13pm - animals - by MooCow - United States (Montana)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: