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Today, I received a bouquet of flowers. I thought they might be from my crush, so I excitedly opened the card. It was from my druggie ex-boyfriend, who apparently can't move on with his life even after three years. The contents of the card? "Baby, I got you like a habit, and I can't give you up". FML

#8250207
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21697) - you deserved it (3117)

On 02/14/2010 at 1:52pm - love - by RosesAreRed (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my roommate let me know he "bumped" another car with mine. What he really meant was that I need a new rear quarter panel and the very angry BMW driver he hit has all of my information. FML

#13061135
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21695) - you deserved it (3373)

On 09/15/2010 at 12:52pm - misc - by Ah piss - United States (New York)

Today, I realised that I've been deployed for far too long, when I caught myself looking down the cleavage of a mannequin wearing a bathing suit. FML

#19678152
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21694) - you deserved it (2587)

On 05/25/2012 at 12:03pm - misc - by Lonely_Army (man) - Qatar

Today, my car was towed for the second time in front of my own house. They tried to tell me it was because they didn't think I lived there anymore. The person who had it towed had just spoken to me not three hours before. FML

#20047754
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21693) - you deserved it (1337)

On 08/29/2012 at 11:01am - money - by drixxy - United States (California)

Today, I asked my best friend if he would do me the honour of becoming my son's godfather. He replied, "Um, that's just rude. You know I'm an atheist." Huh? FML

#19989164
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21692) - you deserved it (7528)

On 07/28/2012 at 2:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while at the mall I opened a bathroom stall thinking nobody was in there. The door just didn't close properly. I hit an elderly woman in the head. FML

#15464639
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21692) - you deserved it (9426)

On 03/24/2011 at 10:46am - misc - by FckMyLife (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML

#18561191
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21691) - you deserved it (4981)

On 12/20/2011 at 12:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend accidentally broke my nose the day he was meeting my parents for the first time. FML

#19720513
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21692) - you deserved it (2035)

On 06/02/2012 at 11:34am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized the reason my 20-year-old daughter has been so moody and aggressive is because she missed the promotional My Little Pony toys at McDonald's. FML

#19430484
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21690) - you deserved it (4610)

On 04/08/2012 at 2:55pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I did a quick load of laundry so I would have work clothes for the week. I don't have my own dryer so I dried them in the one in my building. After running out to my car, I came back to find that my neighborhood kids had added 6 sharpies to my clothes. Every uniform I own has stripes. FML

#12957316
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21689) - you deserved it (2792)

On 09/08/2010 at 12:05am - misc - by arose - United States

Today, I went over to my neighbours' to politely complain about their dog, which had been barking non-stop for hours. This issue has been going on for months, and I finally decided today, of all days, was the day to resolve it. When I got there, they'd just got home from giving birth at the hospital. FML

#18959581
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21688) - you deserved it (3344)

On 01/31/2012 at 8:13am - misc - by Lentil (woman) - Australia

Today, I was walking into the building I hoped to work in someday with my resume, ready to be interviewed. As I walked through the doors I had to sneeze, so lifted my hands and sneezed a huge bloody booger right in the middle of the cover page. Turns out future employers don't like that. FML

#6447177
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21687) - you deserved it (6588)

On 11/25/2009 at 3:25pm - work - by ZombieLicker (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

#19769607
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21686) - you deserved it (2748)

On 06/11/2012 at 7:18am - kids - by Anonymous - United States



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