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Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on how to properly put on a condom. She doesn't trust me. FML

#13764909
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24705) - you deserved it (7855)

On 11/08/2010 at 1:23pm - intimacy - by wow (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I offered "Girls Gone Wild" as an example of bad TV in my lecture thinking it was a reality TV show. It's porn. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

#6489348
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24703) - you deserved it (8839)

On 11/28/2009 at 1:32am - love - by tjcl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML

#21381631
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24703) - you deserved it (2492)

On 03/25/2015 at 11:43pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML

#8565371
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24703) - you deserved it (6718)

On 02/22/2010 at 8:29pm - work - by Patrick (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while handing out business cards to promote my new dog grooming business, I stopped to talk to a potential client. She let me get all the way through my 15 minute speech, before bothering to tell me she didn't have a dog. FML

#16019409
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24702) - you deserved it (11992)

On 05/02/2011 at 2:02pm - animals - by Asirual - United States (Texas)

Today, I was so broke that I paid for a $0.28 candy bar with my credit card. FML

#16938704
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24701) - you deserved it (11406)

On 07/01/2011 at 5:47pm - money - by Username - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

#20188363
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24701) - you deserved it (3949)

On 12/02/2012 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by fineididntwantkidsanyway (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I took a shower and right after I fell asleep on my bed wrapped in my towel. I awoke to find my dad slapping me in the face. He thought I had fainted because I'm a diabetic. FML

#13610970
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24700) - you deserved it (5093)

On 10/27/2010 at 2:07am - health - by haleyfml - United States (California)

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents, who I haven't known very long. I ended up falling asleep. That doesn't sound so bad, until I woke my drooling self up by snoring extremely loud. FML

#10903996
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24700) - you deserved it (5366)

On 06/01/2010 at 8:31am - misc - by girlllll (woman) - Denmark (Kobenhavn)

Today, I found out the hard way what it sounds like when you take the first letter of my first name, A, and put it with my last name, Hole. FML

#18533442
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24699) - you deserved it (3524)

On 12/17/2011 at 2:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, while on lunch break, my fat, old co-worker walked into the break-room. I managed to block out his perverted heavy breathing, but had to leave when he began emitting a terrible odor that smelled like cheesy, sweaty molding feet. I barely held onto my lunch. FML

#15043066
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24698) - you deserved it (3730)

On 02/19/2011 at 4:23pm - work - by Brendan - Canada

Today, I found out that my boyfriend isn't gay. Apparently, I just give good head. FML

#7538814
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24698) - you deserved it (6597)

On 01/24/2010 at 3:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)



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