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Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML

#6464723
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24234) - you deserved it (7696)

On 11/26/2009 at 4:13pm - animals - by smellsofeggs (woman) - United Kingdom (Brent)

Today, when I stopped at a light, I tossed a banana peel into a field along the side of the road. The man behind me got out of his car, picked up the banana peel and threw it back into my car at me. When I tried to tell him it was biodegradable, he told me to "stop making up words." FML

#13274886
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24233) - you deserved it (29301)

On 10/01/2010 at 9:47am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, at my four-year-old daughter's insistence, I looked for - and found - a radio station that plays "Santa music" all year round. She's ecstatic and I can't turn it off without upsetting her. FML

#20436981
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24232) - you deserved it (10164)

On 01/01/2013 at 7:18pm - kids - by christmaswillneverend - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up to shit on my floor and my cat hiding under my comforter. I have to get rid of my new fish because my cat is afraid of it. FML

#13581194
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24231) - you deserved it (3127)

On 10/24/2010 at 8:36pm - animals - by danjoylovefun - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind: "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

#21334531
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24231) - you deserved it (4265)

On 01/10/2015 at 3:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I punched the air enthusiastically after getting an impossible question right. Unfortunately, above me was an old fashioned mole trap, with 6 small spikes and 2 large ones. I now have 6 puncture wounds in my hand, and two in my shoulder, as it fell off the hook it was hanging on. FML

#4746647
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24230) - you deserved it (7148)

On 08/22/2009 at 10:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, while working at a hospital, I told a patient to smile for the camera when taking an xray. His response was, "I have Bell's Palsy and haven't smiled in 5 years." FML

#13601804
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24229) - you deserved it (7112)

On 10/26/2010 at 12:50pm - health - by oaksac191 - United States (New York)

Today, I returned a friends jacket after borrowing it. I made sure to wash it and keep it clean. When he went to put it on, a pair of my granny panties fell out of the sleeve. FML

#13388494
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24229) - you deserved it (6988)

On 10/10/2010 at 2:54am - misc - by ewwy - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML

#20074793
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24227) - you deserved it (2370)

On 09/16/2012 at 3:48pm - health - by Derp McShitstain (woman) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)

Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML

#19795313
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24225) - you deserved it (6671)

On 06/16/2012 at 1:45am - misc - by NotGay (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

#20501864
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24225) - you deserved it (9632)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19am - love - by mr_loveless (man) - United States

Today, I saw a guy with a "free hugs" poster. Since nobody else was hugging him, I decided to. He had a boner. FML

#16886368
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24224) - you deserved it (38321)

On 06/27/2011 at 7:34pm - intimacy - by nomorefreehugs - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a one-eyed drunken homeless man followed me around the store I work at, screaming at me because I turned down his sexual advances. My managers and coworkers wouldn't kick him out because they thought it was funny. FML

#20119087
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24224) - you deserved it (1761)

On 10/16/2012 at 12:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)



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