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Today, I was so broke that I paid for a $0.28 candy bar with my credit card. FML

by Username / 07/01/2011 at 5:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I found out the reason why my therapist was so nice to me all of the time. Apparently, she is afraid that I'm going to stab her if she pisses me off. FML

by Josh / 09/27/2011 at 1:14am / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, I paid $50 on a haircut. Halfway through, I realized the hair dresser was drunk. FML

by Alyssa / 03/20/2012 at 9:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I received a marriage proposal at work from a 70 year old man covered in dirt from head to toe, who offered to be my "sugar daddy." I guess I have options after all. FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2010 at 8:42pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I thought my dad was finally showing interest in the business I started last year when he asked about my next event. Nope, he just wanted to know if I would hire his step-granddaughter. Her first question: "So, I won't have to do any like, real work right?" Gee, thanks Dad. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2015 at 9:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML

by Jakesssss / 04/09/2015 at 9:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, one of my boyfriend's friends ranted on about how I am such a crappy girlfriend and how all of his friends don't like me. I just spent over $200 on a surprise party that I invited them all to last weekend. FML

by me / 01/16/2011 at 1:50am / United States (Georgia) / Money

Today, my landlord compared me to his idiot son for not plunging a toilet. This is the same toilet he explicitly told me not to plunge last week, because of a possible leak into the basement. We have been peeing outside for a week waiting on him. FML

by Carl / 10/16/2011 at 8:47am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, due to a health insurance mix up, my schizophrenic girlfriend has been off her meds for a little over a week. She's convinced I can read her mind, and if I don't stop "pretending" she'll slit my throat in my sleep. Her medication won't be available for at least another two weeks. FML

Today, a boy I'm not even dating took it upon himself to tell me that we would never work out. Via text message. FML

by wowza / 01/31/2009 at 11:52am / United States / Love

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad turns around and says he was expecting him to have a guide dog. This is why I don't have much confidence in myself. FML

by hitnmiss66 / 05/27/2012 at 8:31pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "smash hit record" took on a whole new meaning. FML

by ChampionshipVinyl / 04/18/2012 at 2:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my mother told my therapist that I've been reverting to childlike behavior and she was worried about my maturity. She was worried because I screamed hysterically after dropping a pot of boiling noodles on my lap. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2012 at 3:31am / United States / Health