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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML

#14165047
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23605) - you deserved it (5483)

On 12/11/2010 at 11:16am - kids - by blueberry_hill (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML

#7199308
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23603) - you deserved it (9476)

On 01/07/2010 at 1:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I tried to politely explain to my mother that I'm allergic to her laundry soap. She just called me crazy. I have been scratching for three days straight and my skin is almost all red. She refuses to buy anything else. FML

Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML

#20113953
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23603) - you deserved it (1374)

On 10/12/2012 at 7:00pm - misc - by WTF (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I found a schedule in my dorm room that I share with three other guys. Looking at it closer I realized it was my schedule with notes written in all around it. My roommates have planned their entire days around mine so we won't have any interaction at all. I thought we got along great. FML

#14075452
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23602) - you deserved it (3574)

On 12/03/2010 at 8:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while working as a receptionist at a health clinic a woman came to settle her account. Before she left, she held out her closed palm and asked if I could put something in the bin for her. I held out my hand and watched many bits of chewed fingernails land in my palm. FML

#19095888
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23602) - you deserved it (2304)

On 02/16/2012 at 8:29pm - work - by Tay - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I woke up and had a voicemail from my boyfriend. I just thought nothing of it because it was a pocket dial. I decided to listen to it carefully and realized it was him having sex with another girl. FML

#7904015
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23603) - you deserved it (1990)

On 02/05/2010 at 11:29am - intimacy - by donkeyd - United States (Virginia)

Today, the student council gave us our senior class t-shirts. Our theme this year is "Striving for Excellence." Excellence was misspelled. FML

#17975485
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23600) - you deserved it (2644)

On 10/13/2011 at 3:27pm - misc - by brit (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML

#19992075
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23598) - you deserved it (1613)

On 07/30/2012 at 2:41am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML

#10615901
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23597) - you deserved it (6613)

On 05/18/2010 at 9:23pm - misc - by MisterT (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was showing my three year-old that going down the deck steps are perfectly safe. At the top, I tripped on my shoe and fell head first down every step. I now have five stitches and a three year old who won't go anywhere near the deck. FML

#12485958
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23599) - you deserved it (7593)

On 08/12/2010 at 9:06pm - misc - by Diana (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, it was my boyfriends birthday and I saw he was logged in on ooVoo. He sent me a request to video chat so I decided to take off all of my clothes to surprise him. Little did I know, his entire family was at his house and at the computer because he, "wanted to show them what a great girlfriend I am." FML

#4050970
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23596) - you deserved it (69827)

On 07/26/2009 at 9:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got a message from my ex saying how sorry he was for everything he did. He also said that if he wasn't getting married and having a kid we could still be together. We broke up a year ago. FML

#7584201
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23597) - you deserved it (2225)

On 01/26/2010 at 1:56am - love - by nubbins (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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