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Today, I was knocked into a wall by a high-pressure water cannon suddenly kicking in. I was only going to the corner store to buy some chocolate. Probably serves me right for not noticing a small riot due to a thumping hangover. FML

#17474756
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20940) - you deserved it (6209)

On 08/14/2011 at 10:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

#19997834
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20943) - you deserved it (16508)

On 08/02/2012 at 2:53am - money - by busted - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I cut my own bangs. I pulled too much hair to the front and ended up giving myself a mullet. FML

#20733203
122 comments

Today, my husband invited his boss and his wife to dinner. During the meal, I tasted the wine and apologised for its bad quality, somewhat annoyed: "Dont drink that, I'll go and look for another bottle." Unfortunately, it was our guests who had brought the wine in question. FML

#416
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20939) - you deserved it (8817)

On 11/29/2008 at 11:11am - misc - by Buzz - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

#1600117
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20935) - you deserved it (127548)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by htothecr (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I shaved my legs and armpits for the first time in 6 weeks. Unfortunately, I didn't have a hot date, I just had my yearly gyno exam. FML

#7151625
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20932) - you deserved it (7638)

On 01/04/2010 at 8:43pm - health - by hairybetty (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my patient had her call bell on. When I went to see what she needed, she replied that she was very itchy and could not reach to scratch the itch. I basically got called in to scratch my patient's crotch. FML

#19415832
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20930) - you deserved it (2142)

On 04/06/2012 at 2:15am - work - by akasha (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided it would be pretty amusing to press the "Like" button on everyone's status on Facebook without reading them just to get on peoples' nerves. After re-reading them later, I found out one of them said "I MISS YOU SOO MUCH GRANDMOM. RIP". I liked that her grandmother died. FML

#316205
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20926) - you deserved it (183463)

On 03/14/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by like - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML

#20181270
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20924) - you deserved it (5828)

On 11/27/2012 at 2:52pm - animals - by Neutered (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

#8624928
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20921) - you deserved it (18412)

On 02/24/2010 at 9:26pm - love - by pickit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML

#20126556
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20921) - you deserved it (2678)

On 10/21/2012 at 12:00pm - misc - by tempted to become single (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was working the cash register. While helping a customer with her groceries, my bra snapped. I then had to ask my male boss if I could staple it back together. Thirty minutes later it snapped again. I then had to explain to my boss that I was too broke to buy a new one. FML

#20050418
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20921) - you deserved it (2030)

On 08/31/2012 at 1:23am - misc - by thatgirl17 - United States

Today, I got a text message saying "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML

#2488
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20920) - you deserved it (2171)

On 01/24/2009 at 11:25pm - love - by EpicFail - Canada (Alberta)



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