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Today, I got engaged. When I called my father, who is out of state for a few days, to tell him, his response was, "What'd you do that for?" FML

Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML

#19324348
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25398) - you deserved it (6152)

On 03/22/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML

#19440053
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25397) - you deserved it (2928)

On 04/09/2012 at 10:51pm - health - by emoflowers - United States (Texas)

Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML

#20494070
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25395) - you deserved it (37323)

On 02/05/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I'm a host at a restaurant. We had a birthday party for a couple of 15 year old boys and their friends. I went to clean the bathroom at the end of my shift and discovered cake everywhere, including all over the urinal. They were even nice enough to draw a smiley on the mirror with icing. FML

#17535698
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25395) - you deserved it (2137)

On 08/21/2011 at 3:35am - work - by cakehater - United States (Arkansas)

Today, there was a flood at my friends house. As a result, their cat shelter had to be evacuated, and my mother decided to help. I came home to 23 cats in my bedroom. I'm highly allergic. My face has now swollen up to the size of a football, and I have an important job interview tomorrow. FML

Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML

#21198479
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25395) - you deserved it (38767)

On 07/04/2014 at 1:35pm - misc - by Oops - United States

Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML

#6431764
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25394) - you deserved it (2671)

On 11/24/2009 at 1:00am - health - by blowinchunks (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went on a date at a restaurant with a guy. When he promised I wouldn't have to pay the bill, I didn't think he meant we'd be dining and dashing. FML

#17888720
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25392) - you deserved it (2974)

On 10/02/2011 at 5:21pm - misc - by scared (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML

#21421325
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25393) - you deserved it (3192)

On 06/05/2015 at 3:11pm - intimacy - by yuck (woman) -

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend when we came across the most beautiful piece of Japanese furniture. When I inspected it closely, my boyfriend started laughing. Turns out I was making the same noise I make when I orgasm in reaction to a piece of furniture. FML

#21386402
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25390) - you deserved it (4155)

On 04/02/2015 at 8:20am - misc - by Repethetic (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went by myself to do a birthday party in a park, dressed as Elsa from Frozen. Everything was going fine until another Elsa and an Anna showed up to a nearby party. The kids then decided I was a fake and pulled my wig off. FML

#21439169
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25390) - you deserved it (2204)

On 07/09/2015 at 7:08pm - work - by princessrose - United States (Kansas)

Today, I woke up to a repairman at my door who was simply supposed to turn my water back on in my apartment. Two hours and 5 repairmen later, all I have now is a large hole in my ceiling. Still no water. FML

#14928606
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25389) - you deserved it (2127)

On 02/10/2011 at 10:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - China



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