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Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML

#19583210
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17342) - you deserved it (3592)

On 05/06/2012 at 5:57pm - health - by billiams15 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was not yet wearing my bouncer uniform when a fight broke out at a club. I intervened, only to have the cops who showed up tase me because they thought I was part of it. FML

#19353440
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17343) - you deserved it (2899)

On 03/26/2012 at 8:17pm - work - by ramis182 - United States (Washington)

Today, I was sitting on the bus on my commute to work, when I nodded off on the charming young man next to me. Something cold and wet touched me, and I looked down to see a small pool of my saliva collecting on my chest. The man thought this was hilarious. FML

#450
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17341) - you deserved it (4066)

On 12/04/2008 at 10:45pm - misc - by Kerlane - Sent from mobile version

Today, after a week of sporting what I thought was a flattering pixie cut, I realised that without my long hair, my body shape closely resembles a snowman's. FML

#17461404
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17341) - you deserved it (7078)

On 08/13/2011 at 4:29pm - misc - by Karin (woman) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I was eating lunch, and accidentally got ketchup on the sofa, so I hastily doused it with stain remover. The ketchup is now no longer there; however there is a larger stain in its place. I stained the sofa with stain remover. FML

#19673245
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17342) - you deserved it (3782)

On 05/24/2012 at 3:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I went into Whole Foods asking if they carried a supplement called Carnosine. The girl assisting me had no idea what it was, but asked, "Is this for weight loss?" FML

#19656281
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17339) - you deserved it (3726)

On 05/21/2012 at 8:10am - health - by medosin (woman) - Austria

Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML

#18898180
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17339) - you deserved it (2764)

On 01/24/2012 at 11:42am - work - by communistgirl (woman) - United States

Today, while helping my mom to cook, I was reminded that when the fire alarm goes off in our house, dinner is ready. FML

#18967284
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17338) - you deserved it (2154)

On 02/01/2012 at 7:21am - misc - by JohhnyKeroscene - United States

Today, while sitting next to the cute guy in my English class, I had to sneeze. I turned away from him and sneezed into my arm. My long hair got in the way and I accidentally shot a huge snot rocket into my hair. I spent the rest of the class trying to get it out without him noticing. FML

#14450678
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17338) - you deserved it (3341)

On 01/03/2011 at 12:17pm - misc - by klyoung5 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized that what I thought for years was my country's National Anthem, is actually the theme song of a TV show. FML

#20878595
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17335) - you deserved it (49915)

On 09/12/2013 at 6:27pm - misc - by :| (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was woken up by a call from "the Nuisance Call Prevention Registry". The lady on the telephone didn't see the irony. FML

#19405538
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17335) - you deserved it (1626)

On 04/04/2012 at 6:58am - misc - by Telemarket (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I work on a cruise ship, and I just learned that we have a morgue on board. How did I learn that? It's right next to the crew laundry room, and I opened the wrong door. It was occupied. FML

#20147788
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17335) - you deserved it (1393)

On 11/04/2012 at 7:02pm - work - by CircusSea (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML

#20153727
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17332) - you deserved it (6541)

On 11/07/2012 at 4:30pm - animals - by Drafty (woman) - United States (California)



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