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Today, I approached a cute girl at a club, when she started barking at me like a rabid dog. Thinking she might be mentally unhinged, I left, only to see the same girl laughing her ass off with her friends minutes later. When I went back over, her friends started barking at me too. FML

by Anonymous / 06/05/2012 at 3:34pm / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went into a crowded store and tried out a blazer. I was thinking to myself how hot I looked in it when the manager tapped me on the shoulder and politely said, "Excuse me sir, that's a ladies' blazer." FML

by Fred / 08/05/2011 at 1:45am / Japan / Miscellaneous

Today, our 8-month-old son had a big cold and his nose was blocked. I couldn't find the baby nose pump in it's usual place, so I went to ask my husband. He had it in his hand, and was using to decorate the cake that was going to be served to tonight's guests, my parents. FML

by Anonyme / 06/25/2015 at 8:40pm / France (Bourgogne) / Kids

Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice and we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 8:17am / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, I went to visit my aunt who recently was released from an institution. She had leftover Christmas cookies so I began snacking on them. They tasted a bit off so I inquired about the ingredients. She told me they only had white icing so she used Crayola markers to give them color. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2010 at 8:33am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I showed my friends the picture I drew picturing the four of us in a 'zombie apocalypse' setting. Turns out they never saw me as their friend, and I'm creeping them out. FML

by Nana / 10/22/2012 at 11:39am / Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2015 at 9:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, my friends told me, "Don't worry about your bad acne. It kind of looks like the pattern the avatars have on their heads." FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2010 at 3:27pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to find my 25 year old boyfriend laughing hysterically at his laptop while he made Microsoft Sam say "feces", "penis", and "diarrhea". FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I took my daughter to the library instead of the pool. I sat her on the counter and, while I reached for my library card, she turned to the librarian and said "We didn't go to the pool today because Mum has hairy legs." FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 3:05am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I sneezed while I was in the middle of getting a root canal. I managed to warn the dentist that I was going to sneeze, but he didn't manage to get the tools out of my mouth in time. FML

by Anon / 02/17/2012 at 3:43pm / United States / Health

Today, my college class was talking about Felix Baumgartner, who jumped from the edge of space down to earth. A boy suddenly put his head up and said in a serious tone, "I thought he jumped from the moon?" Several girls concurred. This is my generation. FML

by Mouse / 10/17/2012 at 7:15pm / Kids

Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML

by lonelygal69 / 08/19/2015 at 1:54am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy