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Today, I took my dog to the vet because he hadn't eaten his food in three days, was drinking a lot of water, and was peeing a lot (all signs of antifreeze poisoning). I spent $200 at the vet to tell me that my dog is fine and just didn't like his current food. FML

#6367435
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25385) - you deserved it (5020)

On 11/19/2009 at 11:14am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

#6635616
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25387) - you deserved it (9922)

On 12/06/2009 at 3:42pm - intimacy - by Ballhugger (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I asked my manager if wearing makeup was a requirement for the job. She told me, "Not if you're naturally pretty... So for you, yes". FML

#20166313
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25383) - you deserved it (3049)

On 11/17/2012 at 4:15am - work - by satega - United States (Missouri)

Today, I'm a host at a restaurant. We had a birthday party for a couple of 15 year old boys and their friends. I went to clean the bathroom at the end of my shift and discovered cake everywhere, including all over the urinal. They were even nice enough to draw a smiley on the mirror with icing. FML

#17535698
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25382) - you deserved it (2137)

On 08/21/2011 at 3:35am - work - by cakehater - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML

#14418151
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25381) - you deserved it (6877)

On 01/01/2011 at 1:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I held hands with a male mannequin in a department store, just to remember what holding hands felt like. FML

#20069351
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25380) - you deserved it (6149)

On 09/12/2012 at 8:26pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I didn't have my key, so my sister told me to call her to let me in. I called, no answer. I waited for 15 minutes and then called my dad complaining about her, still being outside. She popped her out the window and yelled, "Don't talk about me, bitch!" and wouldn't open the door. FML

#13374528
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25378) - you deserved it (4242)

On 10/09/2010 at 2:36am - misc - by sister_woes (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I woke up to a repairman at my door who was simply supposed to turn my water back on in my apartment. Two hours and 5 repairmen later, all I have now is a large hole in my ceiling. Still no water. FML

#14928606
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25378) - you deserved it (2123)

On 02/10/2011 at 10:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - China

Today, my dad texted me, saying "My dicks so hard 4 u". I'm desperately hoping he meant to send that to his girlfriend instead. FML

#21434895
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25378) - you deserved it (1653)

On 07/01/2015 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML

#21198479
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25377) - you deserved it (38751)

On 07/04/2014 at 1:35pm - misc - by Oops - United States

Today, after church, my 5-year-old son asked me about God, so I answered his questions in full. We talked about God for over 2 hours. At the end of it all, he pondered for a moment, before saying to me "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. You're dumb." FML

#9721953
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25376) - you deserved it (56386)

On 04/08/2010 at 12:27am - kids - by bleredoshia (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML

#19440053
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25376) - you deserved it (2926)

On 04/09/2012 at 10:51pm - health - by emoflowers - United States (Texas)

Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML



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