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FML's OnlyFans

By Anonymous - 06/09/2020 17:01 - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today, I signed up for my ex’s OnlyFans. She never sent me nudes when we were dating, now she’s selling them to everyone she knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 1 645

Blast from the past

By how old am I? - 07/05/2022 06:00

Today, I was hosting a small party for my nephews and a couple neighborhood kids. I unexpectedly started my period while I was serving the snacks. Have you ever been pointed and laughed at by a bunch of 12 year-olds? Ah, just like the good old days… FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 130

Now hiring. Please.

By Anonymous - 25/06/2021 11:01 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's 16-year-old daughter got a job. I'm 29, have a Master’s degree in chemistry and I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 241

I never knew you

By Anonymous - 04/09/2022 19:30

Today, I saw a YouTube video of the cutest, sweetest old dog. When I checked the channel for more videos of this dog, I discovered that he died last month. Day ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 257

Young body, old soul

By lily - 12/04/2021 23:00

Today, I was diagnosed with gout. I’m 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 159

Toot toot

By Anonymous - 08/07/2022 06:00 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I had a dictation test. The whole classroom was silent, but I suddenly needed to fart. Not to break the silence, I wanted to fart slowly in the hope it would be silent. It didn't make the fart less obvious, it just made it longer, so that everyone noticed and started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 412

Help!

By Krissy - 01/04/2021 19:59

Today, at work on the front desk at a dental office, there was a massive system glitch. I'm now currently recreating appointments for around 300 patients, on top of checking out the patients that are currently in today from their appointments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 67

Alexa, play the Christmas album by Low

By Anonymous - 20/12/2022 03:00

Today, to try to have a less depressing Christmas, I've put up a small tree in my apartment and wrapped some presents for myself. I woke from a nap to the sound of my cat vomiting. What did she throw up on? The presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 203

I wanna be oppressed so hard

By HatedAndFearedForExisting - 26/03/2023 16:00 - United States

Today, for the 50,000th time, I was told that something I said was offensive and triggering to my LGBTQ+-friendly Discord server mod, who frequently tells me that, as a "cis hetero Christian male", I don't know what I'm talking about. I was trying to be supportive of everyone, but I was wrong because *I* said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 386

Sorry little buddy

By Sorry kitty - 23/11/2022 16:00

Today, my cat sat on me, 30 minutes before I had to go to work. When I picked him up almost immediately after he got comfortable so I could get ready, he looked and sounded absolutely crushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 227

Legalese

By Anonymous - 10/06/2022 00:00

Today, after years of telling my sister she's crazy for thinking our parents have been playing favorites all our lives, with me being the favorite, I saw in their will I got the house, both cars, and all their money. Meanwhile, all she got mom's old clothes, "if she can fit in them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 503

50 shades of seriousness

By Anonymous - 11/10/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend because he “wasn’t ready for a serious relationship” after being in a serious relationship with me for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 125

Shitty prank

By Crohn - 03/07/2021 04:01

Today, when I woke up, I discovered that someone thought it'd be hilarious to set up an obstacle course of boxes and furniture in the dorm hallway. I have Crohn's disease, and the bathroom is at the other end of the hall. No, I didn't make it in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 67

Keeping up appearances

By Anonymous - 15/09/2023 16:00

Today, my parents screamed at me for being diagnosed as depressed, because I’m not allowed to be depressed, because me being depressed makes them look like bad parents who couldn’t raise a happy, normal child, so I have to be happy or I’ll be punished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 154

Relaxing chimes

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, my new neighbor just put up really loud wind chimes. I just got a ton of letters under my door, stating if I don't take them down, they're going to file a noise complaint with the building management. She owns her condo, I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 107

That's sick

By Howww_06 - 04/09/2021 11:01 - Denmark

Today, my teacher said that since I was sick last week, I had to do all the work that the others had done, which I didn't know about because no one said anything about it. So now I've got to watch a total of 5 hours-worth of documentaries, and write analysis of them. Before tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 199

The secret is in the taint

By Anonymous - 20/01/2023 14:00

Today, my girlfriend wants to lick my butthole. How do I respond to that? I am genuinely confused and disgusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 537

Long drive home

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 20:01 - Australia - Kellyville

Today, at work, I shat myself at my desk thinking it was a fart. I had to waddle down to the parking garage and drive myself home. I’m a grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 414

Failing upwards

By Anonymous - 26/02/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I got my acceptance letter from Harvard University. Yay! Unfortunately, I sent it as a joke, never thinking I'd get accepted and I have absolutely no way to get there, or the money to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 548

Meet the in-laws

By Anonymous - 13/11/2021 19:59

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. He pointed to two crossed swords above the fireplace and informed me the right one is his, and that if I ever hurt his daughter, he’ll give me a fighting chance by letting me use the left one. This guy thinks he lives in the Middle Ages or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 418

Thanks, dad

By idk.man® - 01/01/2021 22:54

Today, I got yelled at by my dad again for being inside so much instead of outside doing stuff. We are still in a lockdown and are not allowed to leave the house unless its for work or to go to the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 123

Meddling

By Anonymous - 27/05/2023 10:00 - Australia - Taren Point

Today, I found out that my mother organized someone to feed my pets because I would be out of town overnight, even though I told her that I would be back in the morning and they would be fine. They overfed my dogs, with one of them eating over 10% of her weight, and now she may have bloat, which is often fatal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 114

Unionize now!

By BanaNacakE92 - 10/07/2023 22:00

Today, after taking a much-needed mental health week off from work, I discovered I wasn’t on the schedule this week. Turns out, I was fired. Apparently, my absence made things “inconvenient” for my department, since they had to do double work due to my “selfish” PTO usage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 190

Word of the day

By Maryann - 19/03/2021 05:01

Today, my four year-old daughter asked me what the word “necrophilia” means. I have no idea where she even heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 103

Seasonal allergies

By Anonymous - 18/07/2021 06:01

Today, I sneezed inside my helmet when I was driving 90 mph on my motorbike. No quick solutions were available to improve visibility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 280

Young at heart

By Anonymous - 14/10/2022 12:00

Today, I found out when meeting her that my uncle has a girlfriend who is half his age. She's worse than a toddler; she started begging and crying for chocolate in the middle of a car ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 88

Ripper

By Pantess at work - 30/03/2021 23:00 - United States

Today, at work, the seat of my pants ripped open. A coworker lent me a pair of his back-up jeans, and then those ripped in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 153

Compassion

By Anonymous - 02/12/2020 11:05

Today, one of my friends got upset with me because I’m leaving our high school. The high school I have been bullied at for the past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 104

Stars of CCTV

By Anonymous - 30/07/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I had a discussion with my boss. I work at a self storage, and told her that we need 8 more security cameras so that we can cover all the hallways. She decided to get 2 put into the office so she can spy on her employees instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 128

Thrashing

By bad sleeper - 19/05/2021 17:00 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he never wants to sleepover anymore. He said he loves me, but that sleeping next to me is like sleeping next to someone reenacting the crucifixion while being mauled to death by squirrels. So much for cuddling through the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 226

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The Top

Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 180

You deserved it 3 858

Today, my sister tried to convince me to go to a plastic surgeon, because "Bitchface Syndrome's no joke." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 276

You deserved it 3 943

Today, despite my pain, my mom still refuses to take me to a foot doctor because, "They all have foot fetishes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 557

You deserved it 1 684

Today, I was home alone and I started to sing Halo by Beyonce. I was starting to get into it and began singing with more passion until the phone rang. It was my neighbor begging me to please shut the hell up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 420

You deserved it 42 873

Today, we did icebreakers at a summer program. I'm really awkward but I got paired with a really nice guy. I noticed his right hand was very soft, so I joked, "Do you only moisturize one hand?" Then I understood. Then he understood that I understood. We're partners all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 525

You deserved it 885

Today, my wife got me a car for my birthday. It's a nice one but I soon realized it's a trap: I have to take her everywhere, or she tells me she can take it back anytime. So much for a gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 190