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Today, I discovered that when my parents offered to help me pay for college, what they really meant is they would get the forms for me to apply for student loans. FML

by thanxguys / 03/17/2010 at 3:03pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, I realized that the only reason my boyfriend has been coming over to hang out at my house for the past two months is because my little brother has an N64. I have become a third wheel to their mario kart dates. FML

by wowsucks / 01/30/2010 at 4:40am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, while teaching my high school class about astronomy, I showed them a picture of earth from space. One girl raised her hand, and asked me what the "white things" were. In other words, clouds. FML

by Smart / 09/16/2011 at 10:42am / United States / Kids

Today, a one-eyed drunken homeless man followed me around the store I work at, screaming at me because I turned down his sexual advances. My managers and coworkers wouldn't kick him out because they thought it was funny. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 12:48am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, my neighbor pointed to me and said to his best friend, "This motherfucker still lives with his mama. That's why he can't get no pussy." I'm thirty. My neighbor is eleven, and correct. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2015 at 4:11pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I went over to my friend's house. Her 5 year old son answered the door and when he saw me said, 'oh great, it's YOU' and slammed the door in my face. FML

by notyouagain / 10/03/2010 at 3:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, my three-year-old nephew chose to jump out of a window and break his arm rather than be babysat by me. FML

by Winxy / 04/29/2015 at 6:44pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I got punched in the face, had hair ripped out of my skull and broke a tooth on the pavement when I fell. Some guy mistook me for someone else. FML

by Zizi / 07/04/2015 at 9:18am / Norway (Nordland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a guy getting out of my car with my GPS. He started running and I chased him. We eventually reached a dead end and he gave it back to me. I took it back from him and said, "Sorry..." FML

by FailBear / 01/29/2009 at 4:34pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I went to visit my aunt who recently was released from an institution. She had leftover Christmas cookies so I began snacking on them. They tasted a bit off so I inquired about the ingredients. She told me they only had white icing so she used Crayola markers to give them color. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2010 at 8:33am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally found a cute dress that hugged my curves and hid my imperfections. I wore it to my friend's house, and was feeling pretty good about myself, until some pregnant woman walked into the room wearing the exact same thing. It was a maternity dress. FML

by preggersmcgee / 10/22/2012 at 12:09pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my daughter to the library instead of the pool. I sat her on the counter and, while I reached for my library card, she turned to the librarian and said "We didn't go to the pool today because Mum has hairy legs." FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 3:05am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I was taking my architecture project to school. I'd spent days preparing my little model house. I stepped outside with it in my hand, and right at that moment a gust of wind ripped it away. It's currently lying in my neighbour's garden, smashed to pieces. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2011 at 1:47pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous