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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML

#20401192
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24879) - you deserved it (5534)

On 12/15/2012 at 7:57pm - work - by lingling (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mum prepared my bag for football practice. In the changing room I found one of her thongs. FML

#376
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24878) - you deserved it (3757)

On 11/23/2008 at 5:59am - misc - by rob - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML

#2478
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24877) - you deserved it (8344)

On 01/24/2009 at 7:27pm - kids - by thatsjustgreat - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML

#20182568
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24877) - you deserved it (2112)

On 11/28/2012 at 12:43pm - health - by williebees - United States (Texas)

Today, after lifting a 20 pound box of oranges for a woman at work, she turned around to say "Your acne needs help." I still had to tell her to have a good day. FML

#14490477
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24875) - you deserved it (2588)

On 01/06/2011 at 9:59pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my wife started a 24 hour urine collection as directed by the doctor for her pregnancy. She has to collect the urine in a gallon jug, and refrigerate it. At lunch time, I went to go get the rest of my sandwich but was unable to find it, until she suggested I "look under the piss jug." FML

Today, I woke up to a brand new password on my phone that only my wife knows. Apparently, she thinks I've been looking at my phone more than I've been talking to her lately. FML

#20942179
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24873) - you deserved it (42981)

On 11/02/2013 at 2:27am - love - by LockedOut (man) - United States

Today, after work, I peeled a parking ticket off my windshield. It was so hot that the ink from the ticket made a stamp on my windshield. Now I have a permanent reminder staring me in the face wherever I drive. FML

#12081632
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24874) - you deserved it (7310)

On 07/24/2010 at 5:49am - work - by wils (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, in an attempt to get some guidance from my college advisor, I emailed her, saying I was contemplating going to another school because I felt so helpless about my GPA, and was sure I wouldn't get my major. I asked for advice on raising it. She gave me instructions on how to drop out. FML

#15077863
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24873) - you deserved it (6810)

On 02/22/2011 at 12:19pm - misc - by academicloser (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized I get more pleasure watching YouTube videos of people lighting their farts on fire than I do from making love to my husband. FML

#21403333
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24875) - you deserved it (6025)

On 05/02/2015 at 10:23am - intimacy - by wellfuck (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was jogging, and I saw a little boy walking. Crying and all alone. Thinking that he was probably lost, I asked to him with my sweetest voice: 'Hi there, did you lose somebody?' He screamed terrified and ran away. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

#13749497
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24869) - you deserved it (5242)

On 11/07/2010 at 6:14am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, my dad found out that there is a free, 24 hour, 7 days a week religious channel. Now that's all he watches. FML

#19439898
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24869) - you deserved it (2657)

On 04/09/2012 at 10:33pm - misc - by awwman - United States

Today, it was a warm day out so I left my car windows slightly open while I was at work. One of the local bums apparently thought this was a perfect opportunity to use my open driver's side window as a barf receptacle. FML

#17340796
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24868) - you deserved it (8984)

On 08/02/2011 at 3:55am - misc - by Username - United States



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