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Today, I realized I've lived alone too long. I read 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' to my cat. I used expression in my voice, and I made sure he could see the pictures. My son called, and I told him about it. He gave me the number for the local psychiatric ward. FML

by JC / 12/05/2009 at 11:30pm / United States (Iowa) / Animals

Today, I found a link to a porn website on my boyfriend's computer. A bit jealous, I asked why it was there. He told me that he thought thinking of me might get boring. FML

by thoughtitwasspecial / 05/18/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I was at the store when I ran into an old friend from high school. He didn't recognize me at first, but when I told him who I was, he instantly shouted "Oh! Yeah! The fat chick from Mr. H's class!" FML

by unluckymiss / 01/24/2010 at 1:03am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though, with my cat. FML

by Nicole557 / 11/03/2011 at 6:56am / United States / Animals

Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what posessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to dicuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML

by Anonymous / 06/14/2012 at 11:49am / United States / Intimacy

Today, a one-eyed drunken homeless man followed me around the store I work at, screaming at me because I turned down his sexual advances. My managers and coworkers wouldn't kick him out because they thought it was funny. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 12:48am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, after waiting for 2 weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML

by xxlenalunaxx / 04/29/2015 at 7:11am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML

by anonymous / 02/02/2010 at 12:32pm / Animals

Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML

by anonymous / 05/05/2015 at 1:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea for me to talk with a British accent during my job interview to make me sound smarter. I'm applying for a job at McDonald's. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2010 at 10:37am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, my mom and siblings got into a fight. Being generally quiet and non-confrontational, I stayed out of it. Shortly thereafter, I was yelled at by my mother for being "ungrateful" and "disrespectful." I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

by tiredoffamilydinners / 01/12/2012 at 12:00am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I finally found a cute dress that hugged my curves and hid my imperfections. I wore it to my friend's house, and was feeling pretty good about myself, until some pregnant woman walked into the room wearing the exact same thing. It was a maternity dress. FML

by preggersmcgee / 10/22/2012 at 12:09pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML

by single / 08/08/2015 at 2:23am / United States (Texas) / Love