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Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

#204444
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22738) - you deserved it (103593)

On 03/04/2009 at 2:03am - intimacy - by saddude (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML

#4805621
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22738) - you deserved it (30008)

On 08/25/2009 at 5:17am - misc - by ElevatorThug (man) - Singapore

Today, I canceled my ATM card, because it had been lost. Then I found it. Then I found out I can't reactivate it, because I asked for a replacement card. I'm from CA, and I'm in Mexico with only 20 bucks. FML

#7059755
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22739) - you deserved it (7553)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:52pm - money - by Busted (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, my Dad's banjo arrived, as part of his mid-life crisis. It would be fine if he could play it but unfortunately he's tone deaf. He hasn't stopped playing it for the last 4 hours. FML

#17927244
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22737) - you deserved it (2263)

On 10/07/2011 at 11:09am - misc - by anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I discovered the top I'm wearing becomes completely see-through when it rains. I just got caught in a storm on my lunch break, and still have 3 hours of work to go in my male dominated office. FML

#13508012
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22734) - you deserved it (7899)

On 10/19/2010 at 2:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

#18044688
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22733) - you deserved it (16806) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/22/2011 at 8:40am - kids - by titoutou222 - France

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

#20070030
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22731) - you deserved it (2103)

On 09/13/2012 at 8:37am - misc - by Sprtsgeek13 - United States (Maine)

Today, I found my brother tampering with my laptop. He had changed the entire settings, in ways I don't even know how to fix. I finally had to get my mom to threaten him to change it back to its original setting. I'm 15. He's six and can barely get dressed by himself. FML

#13455982
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22728) - you deserved it (8734)

On 10/15/2010 at 4:33am - misc - by fmlforreal - Singapore

Today, I realized that I have completely fallen for this incredible guy, and that I am really looking forward to where our relationship will take us. He just informed me that he will be doing jail time following his court date Tuesday. FML

#7218409
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22727) - you deserved it (5140)

On 01/08/2010 at 3:06pm - love - by brokenrelicslost (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I have -$700 in my current account, $500 from overdraft fees because I spent money they told me I had. I don't get paid till the 15th and when I cash in my paycheck all of it will go to bringing me even. So the $9 I found in my wallet this morning will have to last me untill the 30th. FML

#984
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22728) - you deserved it (4456)

On 01/12/2009 at 4:55am - money - by Celina - United States (California)

Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML

#2478
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22725) - you deserved it (7890)

On 01/24/2009 at 7:27pm - kids - by thatsjustgreat - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it's my first day-off for the holidays. Today is also the day they decided to start building a house next to mine. I can't sleep beyond 7 am. FML

#7007835
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22724) - you deserved it (1938)

On 12/29/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by dentinpalevo (man) - Cyprus (Limassol)

Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML

#18659966
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22724) - you deserved it (6648)

On 12/31/2011 at 1:21am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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