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Today, I was startled by my roommate marching a drunk man out of our apartment. Somehow he found his way in complete darkness into the bathroom without alerting me or my dog next to the only door. He mistook the clothes hamper for the toilet. FML

Today, I got aroused by the vanilla scent from an unused trash bag. FML

#18557355
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25449) - you deserved it (6489)

On 12/19/2011 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by BKCK4187 - United States

Today, it was my last day at school before I graduate next week. Ten minutes into lunch break, I was brutally nailed in the neck by a football. Now, not only do I look like I was given a hickey by the Jolly Green Giant himself, I have to wear a neck brace at my graduation ceremony. FML

#19715623
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25450) - you deserved it (1813)

On 06/01/2012 at 2:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I discovered out of the 20 job applications only one job called me for an interview. They told me to leave after two sentences. FML

#14954069
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25443) - you deserved it (7917)

On 02/13/2011 at 12:31am - work - by jobless - United States (North Dakota)

Today, after finally spending the night with my longtime crush, it's as if I can still feel her fingers caressing my hair. But wait, no, that's just the head lice she gave me. FML

#21432396
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25445) - you deserved it (2456)

On 06/26/2015 at 4:08pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to hand in a job application, and the supervisor wanted to ask me a few questions. I was nervous so I kept touching the fabric on a nearby display table. Only after I left did my friend tell me it was a pantie display, and that I was fondling underwear. FML

#16369010
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25442) - you deserved it (8289)

On 05/27/2011 at 4:45am - work - by colebear - United States

Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML

#19867923
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25442) - you deserved it (4200)

On 06/29/2012 at 7:57pm - health - by fuckjuggalos (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, as the clock struck twelve for the new year, I was in the bathroom having a nosebleed. FML

#14423827
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25441) - you deserved it (3844)

On 01/01/2011 at 10:37am - health - by cauteriseme (woman) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML

#14699951
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25440) - you deserved it (11880)

On 01/24/2011 at 5:47pm - intimacy - by Fucked (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

#21066687
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25440) - you deserved it (49361)

On 02/20/2014 at 4:20pm - misc - by time to lawyer up (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML

#19644212
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25439) - you deserved it (1949)

On 05/18/2012 at 10:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML

#9211500
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25438) - you deserved it (20252)

On 03/19/2010 at 6:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wakefield)

Today, I was eating a fancy dinner with my girlfriend at a restaurant. Suddenly, my ex-girlfriend, who was seemingly still angry after our breakup 2 years ago, saw me through the window. She walked in, took my spaghetti dinner, shoved it in my face, and stormed out. FML

#20148447
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25438) - you deserved it (3013)

On 11/05/2012 at 2:02am - love - by sad (man) - United States (Washington)



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