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Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML

#17644217
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22093) - you deserved it (7871)

On 09/02/2011 at 12:58pm - misc - by tryingtobepretty101 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finally felt the effects of a laxative that I took last night. This morning, when I was in the dentist's chair. FML

#13960658
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22090) - you deserved it (6091)

On 11/24/2010 at 10:40am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, while getting on the subway, I tripped over the gap between the train and the platform. My flip-flop caught on the edge, and fell into the gap. I had to walk home with one flip-flop. FML

#12833502
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22090) - you deserved it (8590)

On 08/31/2010 at 2:14am - misc - by grossfoot (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I drank a beer that I thought was mine, it wasn't and someone had put out their cigarette in it. FML

#757
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22089) - you deserved it (9953)

On 11/15/2008 at 10:36pm - health - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, my young son swung a plastic pipe, it makes a kind of whistling sound as it spins around. I was standing a little too close, luckily it missed both my legs, but hit my happy sacks full on. FML

#7297825
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22089) - you deserved it (4957)

On 01/12/2010 at 10:27am - kids - by Dr_Dolittle (man) - United Kingdom (Merseyside)

Today, it turns out that my hairy feet are the most memorable part about me. My family's named me "the hobbit". FML

#17991756
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22088) - you deserved it (3714)

On 10/15/2011 at 6:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend woke up to the flash of a camera. It was his mother taking pictures of my shoe print on his window sill and night stand. She said she was collecting evidence proving I snuck in through his window last night. FML

#12321960
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22087) - you deserved it (8756)

On 08/05/2010 at 12:38am - misc - by AmNot (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML

#6926304
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22085) - you deserved it (6450)

On 12/24/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML

#17778916
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22085) - you deserved it (1840)

On 09/19/2011 at 6:16am - animals - by gs - United States (New York)

Today, I found out we have new neighbors in our apartment complex that park in the stall next to our truck. Turns out their car is the same make of our truck. And it also turns out that when I unlock our truck it will set off their car alarm - every time. FML

#18942006
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22085) - you deserved it (1687)

On 01/29/2012 at 11:00am - misc - by delamer (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend got engaged to a co-worker. I got her the job. FML

#19025150
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22085) - you deserved it (3573)

On 02/08/2012 at 8:08am - love - by D-Man (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

#7330766
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22083) - you deserved it (3959)

On 01/13/2010 at 11:27pm - love - by meow (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML

#19668555
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22082) - you deserved it (2844)

On 05/23/2012 at 5:14pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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