Intimacy, Sex, Lazy and Wanker: Can't be bothered

Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 1 721

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Same thing different taste

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 411

You deserved it 7 432

By RyanM - 13/02/2011 09:01 - Canada

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 982

You deserved it 64 689

Naps are important

By bigdikbubls - 01/12/2020 05:58 - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, I realised just how badly I procrastinate because I wanted to take a nap before going out for a friend's birthday, but I kept putting it off until I simply didn't have the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 673

Love Story

By Anonymous - 16/12/2021 19:59

Today, I realised I may have some kind of problem, given that I masturbate daily, and sex with my wife no longer interests me because it takes too long, involves her instead of me alone, is too much hard work, and generally annoys me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 1 785

By elovan - 25/07/2015 08:33 - United States - Des Moines

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I tried closing my bedroom door using my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 936

You deserved it 21 115

By hannieannie - 09/02/2016 21:51 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 360

You deserved it 3 117

By Anonymous - 31/05/2011 11:21

Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 765

You deserved it 69 829

Bang one out

By exhausted without relief - 08/02/2023 14:00

Today, I’ve been so stressed out lately about my health and mounting bills that my insomnia has returned with vengeance. I thought I’d masturbate to help get some relief, but turns out I’m too tired to even do the deed. Too exhausted to release, but my brain still won’t let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058

You deserved it 170

Let's get it on

By Frank - 17/08/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 041

You deserved it 6 443

By Anonymous - 20/09/2011 10:39 - Australia

Today, I realized just how much my bad sex life has started affecting me, when after not being able to climax from masturbating, I instinctively faked an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 719

You deserved it 9 164

forgetable 9

Saturday 6 July 2019 0:33

I’ve been there.

Kristoffer 35

Saturday 6 July 2019 7:13

I've fallen asleep during the act... not only one time.

Comments

forgetable 9

Saturday 6 July 2019 0:33

I’ve been there.

EmDizzle2007 28

Saturday 6 July 2019 1:09

I got you next time.

BurnInDemonFire 33

Saturday 6 July 2019 3:14

Bite my lip, and close my eyes, take me away to paradise...

Kristoffer 35

Saturday 6 July 2019 7:13

I've fallen asleep during the act... not only one time.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 6 July 2019 13:15

That’s probably what a lot of guys feel about you.

Selene1090 26

Sunday 7 July 2019 4:26

Same here lmao

Cheryl Castilleja 4

Monday 8 July 2019 4:35

You should’ve just told yourself “not tonight, babe”, and rolled over.

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Health Awkward Jewelry Kids Fight Family Love Work Relatable Students Noise Animals Birds Sleep Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Pregnancy Relationship advice Cheating Teenagers Friends Intimacy Sex Embarrassing Food Revenge Boredom

The Top

Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street, because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughter's ballet class, I got pulled over two blocks away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 799

You deserved it 118 563

Today, my boyfriend came over. We'd planned on losing out virginities today. What we didn't plan on was having my 9-year-old brother and his friends making a video of "What teens do when no one is home." They taped the whole thing, including the five minutes it took us to get the condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 966

You deserved it 931

The Top

Today, I saw my two-year-old son trying to floss his teeth. He was using an earthworm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 106

You deserved it 1 195

Today, I found out that the small town I moved to to escape the crowds is actually a popular tourist spot in the summer. The majority are unbathed. I work in retail at the only convenience store, and the temperature has hit triple digits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 327

You deserved it 1 283

Today, it's my mom's birthday. Got the perfect gift, the perfect card and of course the perfect cake. Well, it was the perfect cake until my dog's ass crushed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 948

You deserved it 4 474

Today, my lazy manager, who blatantly spreads vicious rumors about employees, one which has ruined a marriage, has started targeting me because her lazy daughter was legally fired. Now I'm known around the office as "the whore who slept her way up the corporate ladder." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 781

You deserved it 1 849

Today, I came home from holiday, only to find my house full of small decomposing animals, courtesy of my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 738

You deserved it 5 262

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 575

You deserved it 4 083