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Today, I will be sleeping in my aunt and uncle's living room. It is 90 degrees. There is an air conditioner but if you turn it on, the raccoons living in the wall will get pissed off and try to claw through the wall. Only five more nights sweating my balls off or imagining racoons having angry sex. FML

by ironik970 / 09/17/2011 at 2:56am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was robbed at work. The guy stole my cell phone, bag, and laptop. Because of the robbery, I had to close the store two and a half hours early. My boss decided to dock my hours. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2010 at 2:44am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I was rejected for a dream photography job that involves travelling all over the world, because according to the interviewer, half the photos in my nature portfolio were "blatantly photoshopped." I guess reality isn't realistic enough for some people. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2012 at 8:29pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, instead of canceling for the third consecutive time due to work-related reasons, my boyfriend sent his twin brother on our date. They both thought I wouldn't notice. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2015 at 4:50pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I asked my mom why she decided to be a parent. She replied, in all seriousness, "Everyone else was doing it." FML

by ugh / 10/04/2010 at 8:57pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, life gave me lemons, delivering them straight to my nuts via my neighbor's tennis ball shooter. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2011 at 12:24am / United States (California) / Health

Today, after nearly two months of working at my new job, one of my co-workers finally explained to me that the list of tasks that our boss gives me every day are actually HER duties, and as I complete them, she just sits in her office and watches Netflix. FML

by ineedaraise / 07/14/2015 at 9:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my dad took me to the 'Super Butcher'. It's basically a warehouse turned into a giant, walk-in meat freezer, complete with headless pig carcasses. I'm a vegetarian. FML

by frostedmist / 12/14/2011 at 3:49am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I discovered the hard way that all the scare stories I'd heard about rats getting into pipes and finding their way into your toilet are, in fact, true. FML

by TheHezzer / 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Miscellaneous

Today, the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent man that I've fallen head over heels like no other for is gay. FML

by Noname / 12/31/2008 at 1:03pm / Love

Today, I was jogging, and I saw a little boy walking. Crying and all alone. Thinking that he was probably lost, I asked to him with my sweetest voice: 'Hi there, did you lose somebody?' He screamed terrified and ran away. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2010 at 6:14am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Kids

Today, in an attempt to spice up our relationship, I tied my boyfriend up and did a strip tease for him. I pulled my skirt down over my heels and tripped as I tried to step out of it. Not only did I pull a muscle in my leg but I elbowed him in the groin. So much for spice. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2010 at 1:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my ex, whom I haven't seen in two years, contacted me. She was great company back in the day, wild in bed, the most attractive person I've ever dated, and totally uninterested in a serious relationship. She wants me to fix her computer. FML

by Tech Savvy / 09/19/2011 at 8:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love