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Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

#20477055
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27952) - you deserved it (51626)

On 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by chase (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my co-worker handed me a note. The note said, "If you can, please take a shower once in a while." The smell was coming from the broken bathroom next to my office. FML

#18896792
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27949) - you deserved it (2526)

On 01/24/2012 at 3:15am - health - by stinky - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was in a restaurant with my fiancée for dinner. I commented that she had some food around her mouth. She responded with a lecture, then by throwing her hot bowl of noodles at me, before stomping out the restaurant. FML

#17634135
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27948) - you deserved it (4187)

On 09/01/2011 at 6:14am - misc - by Anonymous - China (Shanghai)

Today, my boyfriend's mother found out that I'm three months pregnant. She told my boyfriend to put it up for adoption, and now wants a paternity test. FML

#14013959
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27947) - you deserved it (5380)

On 11/28/2010 at 6:08pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after sex, my boyfriend turned to me and said, "You know, sometimes, you look like Kevin Spacey." FML

#18832495
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27948) - you deserved it (3553)

On 01/17/2012 at 3:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Libyan Arab Jamahiriya

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea for me to talk with a British accent during my job interview to make me sound smarter. I'm applying for a job at McDonald's. FML

#14394529
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27946) - you deserved it (5148)

On 12/30/2010 at 10:37am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML

#18370859
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27945) - you deserved it (3971)

On 11/27/2011 at 10:00pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, since I'm still recovering from my surgery and can't drive, my daughter drove me to the doctor. When I was done and walked outside, she was nowhere to be seen. Then I got a text: "Sorry, I forgot I have to be somewhere." The closest bus stop to our house is miles away. FML

#20003540
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27945) - you deserved it (2211)

On 08/05/2012 at 3:49am - kids - by daughter (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I joined a dating site. The first guy it recommended is the stalker I met on the last dating site I used. FML

#19356489
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27944) - you deserved it (4591)

On 03/27/2012 at 8:25am - love - by thammer (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML

#21462044
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27944) - you deserved it (1958)

On 08/29/2015 at 7:28am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting myself so badly that I had to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't have been quite so humiliating if I hadn't been forced to show the extremely attractive doctor my sliced open and half shaved crotch. FML

#5248876
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27944) - you deserved it (5098)

On 09/14/2009 at 8:58am - intimacy - by Humiliated (woman) - United States

Today, I spent all day preparing a big, elaborate Italian dinner for my boyfriend, who recently discovered he was part Italian. He came home, turned up his nose and said "I was in the mood for Chinese". FML

#14712877
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27943) - you deserved it (3928)

On 01/25/2011 at 7:54pm - misc - by bluediva24 -

Today, I went to a club with some friends. I ordered two drinks from the waitress and gave her a fifty. She never returned with the change, and the rest of the staff claimed they didn't know who I was talking about. FML

#19623219
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27942) - you deserved it (5926)

On 05/14/2012 at 5:46pm - money - by Jon (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)



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