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Today, we took the kids to the local pond near my sister-in-law's to feed the geese. I hadn't been there before, and thought I'd take a picture. I turned around to adjust my camera, but the geese, realizing the feast had ended, took flight. Before I could react I was showered with goose shit. FML

#6474264
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23923) - you deserved it (3686)

On 11/27/2009 at 2:45am - misc - by fml...really (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML

#305
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23918) - you deserved it (13148)

On 11/14/2008 at 10:27pm - animals - by dooommage - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend bought a new toaster. It not only pops up the bread when done, it also beeps loudly. It makes me scream in terror every single time. My boyfriend has now vowed to "Toast 'til the end of time." It's going to be a long year. FML

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter swimming. While sitting in the hot tub, my daughter pointed to the elderly man sitting across from us and mumbled something. I couldn't understand her, so I asked her to repeat it. After two more attempts, she shouted, "MOM! He has big boobs!" FML

#13912441
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23916) - you deserved it (6602)

On 11/20/2010 at 2:07pm - kids - by Lexi - Canada

Today, I finally received my passport. Too bad my flight to Italy left last week. FML

#19070055
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23918) - you deserved it (6938)

On 02/13/2012 at 11:22pm - misc - by ontherun2012 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found thousands of ants in a secret nest in an unused corner of my apartment. They were feeding on the baking mix I forgot in a box from moving two months ago, and the queen has been laying her eggs on my wireless router. FML

#17710683
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23914) - you deserved it (14353)

On 09/10/2011 at 11:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my future mother-in-law started shit-talking me on Facebook, and we got into a heated argument. She called me later in the day, saying I'll be lucky if I ever marry her son and that, "You'll suffer to your last breath." I'm now terrified to set foot outside. FML

#18805630
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23914) - you deserved it (5431)

On 01/14/2012 at 1:26pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I finally finished my summer assignments for three AP classes. My schedule also arrived. Turns out my school can't place me in any of them, and I just wasted the last four weeks of my summer. FML

#20028136
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23914) - you deserved it (1987)

On 08/18/2012 at 12:27pm - misc - by spandexwiener (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts his hand on my cheek caressing it tenderly... and says "Who's a good piggy?" in his best Homer Simpson's voice. FML

#5562076
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23913) - you deserved it (4470)

On 09/30/2009 at 4:28am - intimacy - by homersgirl (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was helping my Dad pick up the pieces of bark that came off the tree that we'd just cut down. I bent over to grab a dark looking piece of bark. Turn out it was my dogs crap. Fresh, warm, moist piece of crap to be exact. FML

#13363790
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23913) - you deserved it (8038)

On 10/08/2010 at 8:08am - animals - by themanzz - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom told me that Walmart had called and I had an interview at 9:30. I went to Walmart. They told me they didn't have any interviews set up. I went back home and listened to the voice-mail on her cellphone. It was the Subway in Walmart. I've been looking for a job for 3 months. FML

#19232064
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23913) - you deserved it (4794)

On 03/07/2012 at 6:14am - work - by Jake (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend didn't get me a present. He did, however, get me a card from our cat. He signed it "Have a purrrrfect birthday." Then he left to go to work. I was alone all day long. FML

#7110537
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23912) - you deserved it (5855)

On 01/02/2010 at 8:17pm - love - by garfwebba (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my crush and I were talking on the phone and we were really hitting it off. We got on the subject of sex and I told him I have a purity ring. Then he suddenly said he had to go and hang up. FML

#16277483
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23908) - you deserved it (43044)

On 05/21/2011 at 3:44am - love - by Cassie (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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