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Today, I was in a cinema watching a movie to review in the local paper. Suddenly, the guy behind me leans in and starts whispering and hissing "Do it... Do... It. DO IT" for the rest of the movie. I'm still not sure what he wanted me to do, but he did smell of vomit and had a tea-cosy on his head. FML

#17338822
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21983) - you deserved it (2303)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:43am - work - by Username - Australia

Today, I was working at my new job at a food court on campus. One of the supervisors came up to my station and told me that I "really look like someone who, through some miracle, accidentally found their way into college." He then threw a pickle at me. FML

#17836601
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21983) - you deserved it (2222)

On 09/26/2011 at 1:18am - work - by SakuraBreeze (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was with a friend at the mall and I made eye contact and smiled at the worker at a smoothie stand that I went on a date with last year. He saw me, and then ducked down behind the register, where he remained while his coworker awkwardly leaned over him to take my order and money. FML

#19540774
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21981) - you deserved it (2736)

On 04/28/2012 at 2:54am - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was sad I'd forgotten to bake him the cookies that I was planning to send to him for Christmas. His response was "Good, you suck at cooking anyway." FML

#14281367
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21981) - you deserved it (6169)

On 12/21/2010 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML

#19805199
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21980) - you deserved it (3536)

On 06/18/2012 at 12:57am - love - by crazybitch - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I though it would be funny to go on my boyfriend's facebook to change his status. While in the process, his account received a message. Turns out he's planning on hooking up with his ex girlfriend/one of my friends and is definitely over me. How's that for snooping around? FML

#6132995
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21979) - you deserved it (32852)

On 11/03/2009 at 9:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got to listen while my grandma, who has dementia and therefore a poor memory, explained to me why the old man on TV was a sex god. She forgot everything once she said it. I got to listen to her explanation five times over. FML

#18942178
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21977) - you deserved it (2143)

On 01/29/2012 at 11:23am - misc - by scared for life (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while working, a woman complained that she didn't ask for sauce on her sandwich. After examining the sandwich, I realized it was just melted cheese. When I told her, she threw the sandwich at me. FML

#20099296
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21978) - you deserved it (1439)

On 10/02/2012 at 11:33pm - work - by Sara (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML

#19352166
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21972) - you deserved it (5279)

On 03/26/2012 at 4:56pm - intimacy - by JC (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I walked out of my house wearing only boxers, only to be greeted by kids with paintball guns. FML

#17436127
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21969) - you deserved it (13525)

On 08/11/2011 at 12:53am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment, in the middle of the night. FML

#20175516
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21969) - you deserved it (1317)

On 11/23/2012 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got an offer to study at a good university. My father has been pushing me to apply for years, so I ecstatically broke the news. Instead of congratulating me, he just grunted and delivered the more important news that he's divorcing my mum. Moment ruined. FML

#20443641
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21968) - you deserved it (1491)

On 01/05/2013 at 12:09pm - misc - by Sad nerd (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML

#9131869
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21968) - you deserved it (9490)

On 03/16/2010 at 1:40pm - health - by hkkilla - United States



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