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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was running a meeting feeling very stressed. I grabbed my stress ball out of my bag, squeezing it vigorously throughout the meeting. When I stood up to talk my stress ball exploded all over my new black suit and the desk. So much for relieving stress. FML

#6337825
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25018) - you deserved it (3859)

On 11/17/2009 at 2:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got threatened with a gun through the drive thru speaker because I didn't offer some guy any pies to go with his meal. FML

#19291503
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25016) - you deserved it (2898)

On 03/17/2012 at 12:37am - work - by CDeVeney92 - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML

#20114536
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25013) - you deserved it (5783)

On 10/13/2012 at 2:35am - animals - by afraidtosleep - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out what getting slapped in the face with lettuce feels like. FML

#16367769
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25011) - you deserved it (7049)

On 05/27/2011 at 1:26am - misc - by moe - United States

Today, I was stood up on a date. Her excuse? "I had to work out." FML

#14249095
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25010) - you deserved it (3219)

On 12/18/2010 at 3:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I rented a drill to a straight-up valley girl, with the speech affect, Von Dutch patrol cap and all. I tried to disabuse of her of the idea that aluminum is a form of steel. Apparently, that constitutes being a smartass, so she threw her change at me. FML

#4943867
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25010) - you deserved it (7754)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:06am - work - by Mack (man) - United States (California)

Today, I started my first day of work at our local humane society. I asked where the break room was, so my coworker directed me to a small room in the back of the building. The only place I get to take my lunch break is the same room where they euthanize, freeze and cremate the animals. FML

#20411081
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25010) - you deserved it (7584)

On 12/21/2012 at 9:22am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had to use antiperspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

#19152897
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25011) - you deserved it (6210)

On 02/24/2012 at 10:05am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I heard a teenage boy ask his friend, "So, is it, like, November in Australia too?" This is the future of America. FML

#20179140
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25007) - you deserved it (2474)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:27am - kids - by toritoratora - United States (California)

Today, I was in a restroom sitting on the toilet, when the guy right next to me noticed my AC/DC boxers around my ankles and started to sing "Back in Black." FML

#17296721
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25007) - you deserved it (9548)

On 07/29/2011 at 10:27am - misc - by sofargone420 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML

#19840064
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25006) - you deserved it (1819)

On 06/24/2012 at 4:51pm - misc - by Boar - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was in my hotel room. I picked up an expensive wine from the mini fridge, just to see what it is. I heard a mechanical "bling". I was charged for it. Then, I tried to put it back, only to hear another "bling". I was charged twice for expensive wine that I won't even drink. FML

#13206700
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25005) - you deserved it (9746)

On 09/26/2010 at 7:29am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML

#21107817
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25004) - you deserved it (43329)

On 04/08/2014 at 6:04pm - misc - by not a dumbass pothead (man) - United States (Nevada)



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