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Today, I was walking to work, when I slipped and landed on my tail bone. Worse still, my hot coffee went flying into my face. I currently can't see out of my left eye. FML

#8443667
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21987) - you deserved it (1952)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:44pm - health - by corleon198425 - United States

Today, I was at work, nonchalantly spinning my keys around my finger when they flew off and hit a glass cabinet. Broken glass showered passing customers. I don't think I'll have a job to go to tomorrow. FML

#16359885
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21987) - you deserved it (18418)

On 05/26/2011 at 5:26pm - work - by kernewek (man) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, my mom realized we have been sharing tooth brushes because they are similar colors. I told her it doesn't really matter since we're mother and daughter. She responded by saying that she loves me, but she has no idea where my mouth has been, and she doesn't want my diseases. Thanks mom. FML

#13383156
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21985) - you deserved it (9586)

On 10/09/2010 at 8:47pm - health - by nikki (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was in a cinema watching a movie to review in the local paper. Suddenly, the guy behind me leans in and starts whispering and hissing "Do it... Do... It. DO IT" for the rest of the movie. I'm still not sure what he wanted me to do, but he did smell of vomit and had a tea-cosy on his head. FML

#17338822
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21983) - you deserved it (2304)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:43am - work - by Username - Australia

Today, I was with a friend at the mall and I made eye contact and smiled at the worker at a smoothie stand that I went on a date with last year. He saw me, and then ducked down behind the register, where he remained while his coworker awkwardly leaned over him to take my order and money. FML

#19540774
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21990) - you deserved it (2736)

On 04/28/2012 at 2:54am - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML

#19805199
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21983) - you deserved it (3536)

On 06/18/2012 at 12:57am - love - by crazybitch - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was sad I'd forgotten to bake him the cookies that I was planning to send to him for Christmas. His response was "Good, you suck at cooking anyway." FML

#14281367
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21981) - you deserved it (6170)

On 12/21/2010 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I though it would be funny to go on my boyfriend's facebook to change his status. While in the process, his account received a message. Turns out he's planning on hooking up with his ex girlfriend/one of my friends and is definitely over me. How's that for snooping around? FML

#6132995
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21982) - you deserved it (32856)

On 11/03/2009 at 9:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got to listen while my grandma, who has dementia and therefore a poor memory, explained to me why the old man on TV was a sex god. She forgot everything once she said it. I got to listen to her explanation five times over. FML

#18942178
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21979) - you deserved it (2143)

On 01/29/2012 at 11:23am - misc - by scared for life (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while working, a woman complained that she didn't ask for sauce on her sandwich. After examining the sandwich, I realized it was just melted cheese. When I told her, she threw the sandwich at me. FML

#20099296
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21979) - you deserved it (1439)

On 10/02/2012 at 11:33pm - work - by Sara (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML

#19352166
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21973) - you deserved it (5279)

On 03/26/2012 at 4:56pm - intimacy - by JC (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment, in the middle of the night. FML

#20175516
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21970) - you deserved it (1317)

On 11/23/2012 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got an offer to study at a good university. My father has been pushing me to apply for years, so I ecstatically broke the news. Instead of congratulating me, he just grunted and delivered the more important news that he's divorcing my mum. Moment ruined. FML

#20443641
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21970) - you deserved it (1491)

On 01/05/2013 at 12:09pm - misc - by Sad nerd (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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