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Today, my mom thought I was flying high on weed and nearly grounded me for it. I wasn't high, I was just actually in a good mood for the first time in a few weeks. FML

#19999290
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24591) - you deserved it (2000)

On 08/02/2012 at 10:14pm - misc - by HappyMan (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

#267368
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24590) - you deserved it (76231)

On 03/11/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by theassman (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

#6785905
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24589) - you deserved it (10725)

On 12/16/2009 at 11:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was driving when I saw someone pulled over on the side of the road. Wanting to help, I pulled over. In so doing, I ran over a nail, which popped my tire. The guy had just pulled over to pee. FML

#17973264
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24589) - you deserved it (5731)

On 10/13/2011 at 3:27am - misc - by happyshit (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my mom wanted to send me a picture of me at graduation, saying that I looked pretty in it. It was a picture of a different girl; definitely not me. Way to go, mom. FML

#19909229
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24589) - you deserved it (1530)

On 07/08/2012 at 11:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mother texted me that she was in labor. She never told me she was pregnant. Apparently she's engaged too. FML

#20091458
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24588) - you deserved it (1960)

On 09/27/2012 at 8:41pm - misc - by annoyed - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend called and told me he had a surprise for me and to meet up with him to find out. The big surprise was a consultation with a plastic surgeon for rhinoplasty surgery. I never disliked my nose. FML

#13006251
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24587) - you deserved it (2172)

On 09/11/2010 at 4:46pm - misc - by damnit - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that I am allergic to grass, and not supposed to mow lawns. My job is mowing lawns. FML

#19630951
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24587) - you deserved it (2128)

On 05/16/2012 at 3:36am - work - by jobless - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to leave my ACT prep class ten minutes in to pick up my drunken father from his best friend's baby shower. I picked him up along with a bill for the damage. FML

#20488845
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24587) - you deserved it (1927)

On 02/01/2013 at 10:26am - misc - by kylie18xx21 (woman) - United States

Today, I stopped by my local bar to maybe meet some new people. I sat in between two groups. Within a minute both groups got up and left. FML

Today, I found out that when buying my $500 dollar dress I put my address as Austria instead of Australia. FML

#21384499
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24587) - you deserved it (10954)

On 03/30/2015 at 11:27pm - money - by post it - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It looked like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from my cousin and the envelope also contained a check for 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses. FML

#3877056
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24584) - you deserved it (64780)

On 07/19/2009 at 6:11am - money - by Unluckyducky (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after scouring my apartment for quarters to do laundry, I found the correct amount of change. The change got jammed in the washing machine. I now have no more quarters, and my clothes are caked with soap from washing them in the sink. FML

#20524387
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24584) - you deserved it (3407)

On 02/27/2013 at 1:27pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)



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