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Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

#6785905
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24592) - you deserved it (10725)

On 12/16/2009 at 11:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom wanted to send me a picture of me at graduation, saying that I looked pretty in it. It was a picture of a different girl; definitely not me. Way to go, mom. FML

#19909229
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24589) - you deserved it (1530)

On 07/08/2012 at 11:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend called and told me he had a surprise for me and to meet up with him to find out. The big surprise was a consultation with a plastic surgeon for rhinoplasty surgery. I never disliked my nose. FML

#13006251
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24588) - you deserved it (2172)

On 09/11/2010 at 4:46pm - misc - by damnit - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that I am allergic to grass, and not supposed to mow lawns. My job is mowing lawns. FML

#19630951
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24588) - you deserved it (2128)

On 05/16/2012 at 3:36am - work - by jobless - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to leave my ACT prep class ten minutes in to pick up my drunken father from his best friend's baby shower. I picked him up along with a bill for the damage. FML

#20488845
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24587) - you deserved it (1927)

On 02/01/2013 at 10:26am - misc - by kylie18xx21 (woman) - United States

Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML

#19979145
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24585) - you deserved it (17263)

On 07/23/2012 at 3:35am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after scouring my apartment for quarters to do laundry, I found the correct amount of change. The change got jammed in the washing machine. I now have no more quarters, and my clothes are caked with soap from washing them in the sink. FML

#20524387
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24586) - you deserved it (3407)

On 02/27/2013 at 1:27pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It looked like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from my cousin and the envelope also contained a check for 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses. FML

#3877056
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24584) - you deserved it (64780)

On 07/19/2009 at 6:11am - money - by Unluckyducky (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom busted in my room to ask if I'm okay because she thought the squeaking was my crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

#70419
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24581) - you deserved it (57645)

On 02/18/2009 at 6:01pm - intimacy - by dirtyhands (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Every time when I touched her, the jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

#19253707
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24579) - you deserved it (2963)

On 03/10/2012 at 8:41pm - misc - by Jimii Liu (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I announced to my friends that my grandmother is dying. My best friend pulled out his phone and casually announced, "Technically, everyone is dying." FML

#21354746
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24578) - you deserved it (2325)

On 02/12/2015 at 2:16pm - health - by Dartfrogger - United States (Utah)

Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML

#20141794
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24577) - you deserved it (3523)

On 10/31/2012 at 4:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I passed out while I was with my boyfriend in his garden. I woke up on the concrete just outside his house. Apparently, he'd tried to carry me in, but because he was too weak, he gave up and went to watch TV. FML

#20131269
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24577) - you deserved it (3221)

On 10/24/2012 at 12:52pm - love - by Alice - United Kingdom



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