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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I discovered out of the 20 job applications only one job called me for an interview. They told me to leave after two sentences. FML

#14954069
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25443) - you deserved it (7918)

On 02/13/2011 at 12:31am - work - by jobless - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML

#9211500
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25442) - you deserved it (20253)

On 03/19/2010 at 6:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wakefield)

Today, while driving during rush hour, I was singing so loudly that some jackass in the car next to me felt he should get my attention by throwing a wadded-up McDonald's bag through my open window, hitting me in the face with it, and telling me to shut up. FML

#20749580
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25442) - you deserved it (46201)

On 06/27/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by authorx - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as the clock struck twelve for the new year, I was in the bathroom having a nosebleed. FML

#14423827
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25441) - you deserved it (3844)

On 01/01/2011 at 10:37am - health - by cauteriseme (woman) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML

#14699951
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25442) - you deserved it (11880)

On 01/24/2011 at 5:47pm - intimacy - by Fucked (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

#21066687
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25441) - you deserved it (49362)

On 02/20/2014 at 4:20pm - misc - by time to lawyer up (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter swimming. While sitting in the hot tub, my daughter pointed to the elderly man sitting across from us and mumbled something. I couldn't understand her, so I asked her to repeat it. After two more attempts, she shouted, "MOM! He has big boobs!" FML

#13912441
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25439) - you deserved it (6821)

On 11/20/2010 at 2:07pm - kids - by Lexi - Canada

Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML

#19644212
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25439) - you deserved it (1950)

On 05/18/2012 at 10:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was eating a fancy dinner with my girlfriend at a restaurant. Suddenly, my ex-girlfriend, who was seemingly still angry after our breakup 2 years ago, saw me through the window. She walked in, took my spaghetti dinner, shoved it in my face, and stormed out. FML

#20148447
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25438) - you deserved it (3013)

On 11/05/2012 at 2:02am - love - by sad (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I wrote a poem and was very proud of it. I showed it to my mom. After reading it, her response was, "What is this shit?" FML

#14739407
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25437) - you deserved it (5337)

On 01/28/2011 at 1:21am - misc - by snappyPi -

Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML

#17597789
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25437) - you deserved it (5190)

On 08/27/2011 at 7:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a guy took me to meet his parents on a second date. I stopped answering his calls afterwards, but he's just left me a voice-mail informing me that he's in love with me. I'm scared. FML

#18793920
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25438) - you deserved it (8381)

On 01/13/2012 at 7:45am - love - by Jessch15 - United States (Texas)

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend didn't get me a present. He did, however, get me a card from our cat. He signed it "Have a purrrrfect birthday." Then he left to go to work. I was alone all day long. FML

#7110537
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25438) - you deserved it (6101)

On 01/02/2010 at 8:17pm - love - by garfwebba (woman) - United States (Maine)



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