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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML

#20121138
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22807) - you deserved it (1496)

On 10/17/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. So, I was a smart ass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML

#398759
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22805) - you deserved it (93606)

On 03/16/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by cannabis_this420 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my therapist told me that I need to do something different with my hair. Then I paid her. FML

#14894190
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22805) - you deserved it (5034)

On 02/08/2011 at 9:46am - health - by mmromig - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time my cats haven't been going on it. It was a rat. FML

#19004076
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22804) - you deserved it (2136)

On 02/05/2012 at 8:13pm - animals - by rattrap (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML

#20035898
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22804) - you deserved it (1616)

On 08/22/2012 at 4:27pm - misc - by XYZee - United States (Georgia)

Today, I have an ear infection. The pain from it radiates from my ear all the way down the left side of my face, so my doctor prescribed me something that makes half of my face numb and pretty much unusable. Tomorrow, I have to give a presentation on strokes for my med class. Go figure. FML

#20170659
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22803) - you deserved it (1515)

On 11/20/2012 at 5:41am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, out of partying reflex, I downed Communion wine like a vodka shot. FML

#20830409
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22802) - you deserved it (44128)

On 08/10/2013 at 6:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my two favorite things in the world are Pizza and Beer... I now discover I have Celiac and can't have either. FML

#760
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22800) - you deserved it (2678)

On 12/30/2008 at 5:41am - health - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview. Then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, and saw that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML

#6622206
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22800) - you deserved it (5719)

On 12/05/2009 at 8:24pm - work - by bleeding (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is so low. FML

#18844596
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22798) - you deserved it (4236)

On 01/18/2012 at 2:41pm - misc - by FML - United States (Texas)

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

#20139029
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22795) - you deserved it (2857)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:22pm - misc - by Indianagirl94 (woman) - United States

Today, I watched the Sochi Winter Games online. Excited by an athlete's victory, I yelled out, "YEAH!" to 20-or-so silent coworkers. As if to redeem myself, I then said, "Don't pretend like you're all working you lot!" Our boss was right behind me. FML

#21057961
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22795) - you deserved it (34179) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/12/2014 at 4:47am - work - by Anonyme - Sent from mobile version

Today, I wrecked my car because my mom texted me, telling me not to text and drive. FML

#21249597
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22794) - you deserved it (40065)

On 09/01/2014 at 10:08am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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