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Today, my boyfriend who has just returned from his 3 month placement abroad cancelled our date. Why? Because there was a match England vs Germany. A friendly match. FML

#347
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21697) - you deserved it (3573)

On 11/20/2008 at 6:10am - love - by archer - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML

#20004599
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21697) - you deserved it (4501)

On 08/05/2012 at 9:10pm - kids - by milf - United States (Indiana)

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML

#20114686
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21697) - you deserved it (2307)

On 10/13/2012 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

#20498426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21695) - you deserved it (8431)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:59pm - misc - by theydidsmellitthough (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. They jokingly asked me if I was only with him for his money. I didn't hear them properly so I just smiled and nodded. They now think I'm a gold digging bitch. FML

#20060240
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21690) - you deserved it (9048)

On 09/06/2012 at 8:46am - love - by Ashley - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had to have a long and awkward meeting with my boss. It wouldn't have been too awkward though, if I didn't have to avoid staring at her exposed breast whilst she fed her 8 week old baby. FML

Today, I was so bored, I sewed my name into my underwear. FML

#5822673
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21687) - you deserved it (12157)

On 10/13/2009 at 11:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, a customer handed me a 100 dollar bill. He then told me that it was my tip for doing a good job. He snatched it away just as I touched it, laughed, and said, "Just kidding." He then took his money and left the store. FML

#20109681
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21687) - you deserved it (1987)

On 10/09/2012 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be cute to leave a love letter in my car while I was at work. She left my lights on. I got a dead battery. FML

#20179747
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21687) - you deserved it (2186)

On 11/26/2012 at 1:59pm - love - by Blake Lawrence - United States (Utah)

Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML

#20064691
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21686) - you deserved it (2618)

On 09/09/2012 at 1:21pm - love - by zed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was talking to the guy that has been in love with me for two years. He said "There is a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a shame to lose yours." He then creepily looked at me and said "It's true." Thanks, Princess Bride, for supplying creepers with material. FML

#6998674
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21685) - you deserved it (3997)

On 12/28/2009 at 7:50pm - love - by creeped (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML

#8817091
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21684) - you deserved it (7056)

On 03/04/2010 at 1:43am - intimacy - by fml1977 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was suntanning outside, when I had a bout of nausea. I rushed to the toilet, hoping at all costs to just dry-heave it away. When I lifted the lid, I was faced with two of the most rancid floaters I've ever seen, courtesy of my live-in gran. Well, my stomach's empty now. FML

#20025166
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21684) - you deserved it (1639)

On 08/16/2012 at 8:22pm - health - by rainbows? more like shitstorms (man) - United States



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